Sunday, August 9, 2009

Pepto-Dismal

Better call the Crazy Police because we might have a 5150 on our hands.

1919 E Beverly Way #212, 90802
Price: $365,000
Beds: 2
Baths: 2
Sq. Ft.: 1,151
$/Sq. Ft.: $317
HOA: $250
Year Built: 1982
MLS#: P697312
On Redfin: 12 days
Down Payment: $73,000
Monthly Payment: $2,300
Income Requirement: $104,000
Description: Turnkey! Top Floor, End Unit 2 bedrooms/2 full baths PLUS ARTISTS STUDIO LOFT, Inviting Open Floor Plan with Abundant Natural Light, and Vaulted Ceilings. This unique condo has both a Balcony with a South Facing View and your Own Private Deck with City Lights View. Pass through Kitchen with a Bar Counter plus a Separate Dining Area. Spiral Staircase leads to spacious loft that has a separate entry and dircect access to private deck. There is also a Wood-burning Fireplace in living room, in-unit Washer and Dryer, and Ceramic Tile in kitchen and baths. Ample Closet and Storage Space. Comes with Two Parking Spaces in underground parking with storage space. Other amenities include Community laundry and a large Exercise Room. Minutes to Downtown, Belmont Shore, shopping, freeways, and just blocks to the Beach!

"Dircect"?

"Yeah, man, it was creepy as hell. After I paid for my chili dog the cashier at Der Wienerschnitzel asked me if I wanted to be in his cult."

Get it?

Get it?!

Uh, no.

So, what we have here is the most expensive condo in the area by a long shot. I guess this seller doesn't quite grasp the concept of short sales needing to substantially undercut nearby sellers because of the hassles, frustrations, and delays inherent in getting banks' approval.

Their fax machine must have been out of paper the day Reality HQ sent that memo.

And speaking of pure, unadulterated idiocy, since when is community laundry an "amenity"?

Yeah, maybe to someone who washes their clothes in a river delta. But a couple earning the required household income of $104,000, having your five-minutes-too-long-in-the-dryer socks and undies dumped on the washroom floor complete with a passive aggressive note exclaiming, "OTHEr pEEpLE LIVE HEAR TO!!" consider that shit to be a big ol' deal breaker.

And then we have the Pepto-Bismal walls--actually, you know what? I want to go back to this community laundry thing. Seriously, this could be the dumbest fucking thing I've ever seen in a listing.

Look, if we're talking about a shithole $15,000 studio apartment next to the train tracks in poverty-stricken Detroit, I could understand how laundry facilities in the building would be a big deal. BUT YOU'RE ASKING THREE HUNDRED SIXTY FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS! YOU'RE GOD DAMN RIGHT IT HAS LAUNDRY MACHINES ON THE PREMISES!

Man.

Back to the awful color palate that nobody bothered to paint over before trying to sell. I mean, lady, figure it out. The first thing a potential buyer is going to think is, "Wait, you're telling me this place costs $200,000 more than the last sale in this building AND I have to spend two weeks repainting practically every surface?"


Come on, DO WORK!

However, I do have to give her credit for the old-school TV.
I'm dead serious. How many distressed listings have we seen where people have massive HELOC flat-screens that they probably couldn't afford?

It doesn't take a financial genuis to tell you that this place has no shot finding a buyer at this price. And that's assuming a bank would ever getting around to approving this outrageous price tag.

I mean, just check out the Street View. Yikes! That's a scary street/alley to live on. It kind of reminds me of that cul-de-sac scene in Training Day.

You can go in, but you might not make it back out.

8 comments:

  1. I can't find the pic of the street view...

    As for the paint color, it kinda reminds me of Miami Vice, and since I'm an oldschool kinda guy, I could work with it!!! hehe

    El Bee, what are the hassles a buyer would have to go through, since this is listed as a short sale.

    I'm guessing it might take a lot longer, but is there other stuff as well?


    I DO like the layout, and it's nice square footage, but living off Cherry and 5th is not worth spending an extra 100 plus thousand.

    I mean, we've seen condos with the same square footage over on 3rd street sell for 225K, so this is really a jacked up price.

    I don't see how you can sell a "city view", when you're living in THAT area.

    THAT area is kinda depressing.... no remove the "kinda".

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  2. They forgot to mention the mirrors by the bed in the amenities list. me likee!!

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  3. On snap SR, good catch!

    That could come in handy.

    Definite plus!!!

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  4. Mike in LBC ....You said, "we've seen condos with the same square footage over on 3rd street sell for 225K."

    Can you please let me know where these condos are on third?

    Thank you!

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  5. Have you seen those "Honk If I'm Paying Your Mortgage" bumperstickers? Listings like these really make me want one.

    And then there's this one:
    http://www.redfin.com/CA/Long-Beach/700-E-Ocean-Blvd-90802/unit-1208/home/7619304

    A short sale at double the sale price from thirteen years ago.

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  6. holy crap... first off the pink is AWESOME!!!

    Second, I like how Community Laundry is an ammenity when the freaking unit has WASHER AND DRYER hookups. I mean it says right there "IN UNIT WASHER AND DRYER".. unless in unit means "Community Laundry" to the realtor.

    and ANON#2.. $642/mo in a HOA rape fee? AWESOME!!! And no interior pictures? Even fucking better!!!! I should be a realtor.

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  7. Carl,

    Great catch--how did I miss that? The description says "in-unit Washer and Dryer" right in there.

    HOWEVER, I still think it's crazy for anyone to consider community laundry an amenity in a property asking more than $150,000.

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  8. Anon, strangely enough, El Bee just linked to the property I was thinking about on today's blog. Read the article, and see the property that sold for 225K. The square footage was close to 1100, and it's got really nice upgrades.

    As a matter of fact, I was considering purchasing this one for a while, but then I figured the market has a long ways to fall, and in this economy with the socialists running their experiments, there is a ton of pain still to be inflicted.

    Hey, that's what people get for voting for socialists. Suffering is sometimes a good teacher. Sad that people are still so dumb, but hey.....

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