Showing posts with label Back to the Bank. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Back to the Bank. Show all posts

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

A New Low

Given some of the ridiculous bullshit I've encountered in my house search, I might have to come out of blogging retirement.

14 5TH Pl, Long Beach, CA 90802

ASKING PRICE: $469,900
ADDRESS: 14 5TH Pl, Long Beach, CA 90802
BEDS: 2
BATHS: 2
SQ. FT.: 1,214
$/SQ. FT.: $387
YEAR BUILT: 1953
MLS#: P786112
ON REDFIN: 86 days
HOA: $260
DOWN PAYMENT (20%): $94,000
INCOME REQUIREMENT (3.5 x Income): $107,000
MONTHLY NUT: $2,500
DESCRIPTION: Amazing sweeping ocean views from the main living space of this two bedroom, two bath condo. This secure unit is just steps from the sand and a large communal patio area, perfect for entertaining or watching the 4th of July fireworks. Condo features hardwood floors, updated kitchen, upgraded bathrooms and plantation style shutters. This could be your perfect ocean home.


I looked at this bank-owned condo a few months back and walked away unimpressed. Between the termite damage, filth, poor condition of the kitchen cabinets, darkness of the bathrooms, lack of street parking, community laundry, creaky floors and incredibly wonky layout, I quickly determined there was no way I was plunking down nearly half a million clams for this place.

Apparently I wasn't the only one.

Because after nearly 90 days on market and two price cuts, this thing is still rotting on the MLS. However, while checking out the listing photos I noticed the bank had finally staged the place to make it look more appealing to buyers. My first thought was, Maybe they're finally getting serious about selling!

14 5TH Pl, Long Beach, CA 90802

Hey, not too shabby!

But then I took a closer look:


Something's off about the lines of the sofa and coffee table in relation to the walls...and the light sources aren't matching up with the rest of the -- wait, what the??

That's right, friends: PHOTOSHOPPED FURNITURE.

I mean, if it wasn't so pathetic it'd be hilarious.

Here is the real photo, with the "enhanced" one right below it for comparison:

14 5TH Pl, Long Beach, CA 90802
14 5TH Pl, Long Beach, CA 90802

Man, I have so many questions!

First, how long did it take to draw those shadows from the bar stools? That is some painstaking detail work. Second, where did the furniture and decorations come from? Another listing? A Crate & Barrel ad? Third, did the bank actually pay an outside firm for this cut-and-paste bullshit, or does an in-house Loss Mitigation employee just happen to have a passion for it?

I mean, why waste time with all this silliness? If you really want to sell, just lower the fucking price.

I'm sure the listing agent would say, "It's to show the potential of the space." And I would retort, "This has the potential to make you look like a low-rent, gold-bricking idiot."

The bank, which has already lost at least $200,000, is thinking the killer view will stop the bleeding. But that awesome white-water view is not nearly enough to overcome the dilapidated condition and layout disadvantages of this property.

But hey, instead of investing a few grand into actually repainting, cleaning, and staging the property, why not just waste time, money and effort digitally inserting fake paint, artwork and furniture into a listing photo? TOTALLY MAKES SENSE.

And hell, why stop at just one photo? Might as well go all the way. Here, I'll even supply a few freebies...

This original listing photo makes the bathroom look dark, dank and unwelcoming (um, because it is dark, dank and unwelcoming):

But the new version adds a much needed dose of mold-killing sunlight:

And yuck, look at those beater cars and stinky Port-o-Potty in this photo:


A little digital magic and we've really classed up the neighborhood!

I mean, is this where sellers are now in their quest to deny reality? Do they actually think this is going to have a positive effect on how people perceive a property?

I remember when the housing bubble first popped and people were giving away the brand-new Toyota Highlander in the driveway if you bought their overpriced McMansion. NOBODY FUCKING CARES ABOUT SOME SHITBOX YOU JUST BOUGHT WITH YOUR HELOC -- JUST LOWER THE GODDAMN PRICE!

For the record, if in real life this condo actually resembled the fraudulently altered listing photo, $387 per square foot, given the proximity to the sand, might be approaching a decent deal. But as it stands, I think this place requires entirely too much work to command such a premium price.

But hey, instead of putting in a little work to recoup more money at sales time, I fully support banks and listing agents lazily sprucing up listings with photo editing software. Sure, buyers are going to be bummed out that they were misled, but we will at least get a good laugh.


UPDATE: AN EAGLE-EYED READER SPOTTED THE SAME PHOTOSHOPPED FURNITURE IN ANOTHER LISTING. AMAZING CATCH, ANON!

Please please please let this trend catch on.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Argonne, Baby, Gone: UPDATE IV

Anonymous writes:

This house has been in default - NOD filed 1/27/2010 (apx. 14K delinquent). [Trustee Sale] filed 4/29/10. Sale postponed, then I'm sure was eventually cancelled with no new NOD filed. Currently off the market, probably trying to modify $400K 1st TD. Problem is there's still some equity in it so likely will be denied.

Thanks for the inside information, Anon. I actually tried to get in to see this house when it was still on the MLS. They wouldn't even take appointments. Like the vast majority of short sales, it wasn't actually for sale.

From what I've been told, you are correct that they are in the process of modifying the loan. As I predicted in May, they'll play the short sale game and sign up for every government program (HAMP, HARP, HAFA, etc.) to buy some more time and enjoy the free/discounted rent. But what definitely WON'T happen is the bank foreclosing.

It's going to be a long time before we see this place back on the market.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

This rock-biting mongoloid is back on the market yet again. Jesus, bro...give it up already.
Despite the fresh "New Listing" classification, astute Long Beach Housing Blog readers will note that this joint has been around for more than 15 months, begging and pleading for some sucker to pay his ridiculous asking price.

In case you were thinking this refreshed listing would be, well, refreshed, we're treated to the same two useless photos (one of which features the shittiest MS Paint job you've ever seen).
309 ARGONNE Ave, Long Beach, CA 90814
The current listing price of $539,000, while certainly more realistic than the original $610,000 2010 ask, is still clocking in at $610 per square. Yo, I didn't know they relocated the Shore all the way up to 3rd Street!

I'll remind you that this is yet another in the growing contingent of buyers who got in "at the bottom" in Fall 2008 and refuse to believe that they are about to take it right in the devil's onion ring. Assuming he could somehow get this dreamscape of an asking price, his total losses would be roughly$92,000. Yep, 2.5 years of ownership and nothing but a smoldering pile of dust where his bank account once was.

Don't be surprised to see this thing start playing the short sale game in a few months.
Anyhow, good luck dummy! I feel like this time it's really gonna happen for you!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Ugh.

This dummy is still around?

The listing says "77 days" but don't be fooled -- this thing has been begging for nearly a year with absolutely no interest. Tiny square footage aside, it's obvious that the rabidly delusional pricing is the primary cause of its long, sad tenure on the MLS.

The current wishing price is $595,000, a whopping $5,000 discount since we last checked in last March. Aggressive!

Anyhow, it appears the last realtor didn't work out (probably suggested lowering the price to, you know, actually get it sold...which is exactly what sellers afflicted with My Place Is Special Syndrome -- MYPISS -- don't want to hear) so the new listing agent, instead of doing some actual work, decided he'd just fire up MS Paint and fuzz out the Century 21 sign from the old listing photo:

309 ARGONNE Ave, Long Beach, CA 90814
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Can you believe this lazy turd?!
Gee, with a consummate pro like that on your team, I'm positive you'll find that full-price buyer during the 2011 Super Spring Selling Season(tm). This year is your year, bro!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

The price was "$610,000" and changed to "$599,999"

We're officially below what he paid in September 2008 -- just a scant year and a half ago. After commissions, this will represent a $37,000 loss. And that's assuming this piss-ant price reduction garners a sale.

The bottom was in 2008? HORSESHIT.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Welcome Patrick.net readers!

And thanks Anon for sending this property in.
Wishing Price: $610,000
Beds: 2
Baths: 1
Sq. Ft.: 883
$/Sq. Ft.: $691
Lot Size: 2,520 Sq. Ft.
Year Built: 1923
MLS#: P720288
On Redfin: 26 days
Down Payment: $122,000 (20% down)/ $24,000 (FHA, although the loan amount would justexceed the jumbo limit, let's assume you could get a gov't loan)
Income Requirement: $174,000
Monthly Nut: $3,300 (conventional)/$3,800 (FHA)
Description: Beautiful 'Turn Key'home [SIC] in Belmont Heights. Do not waste your time with Short Sales! Standard Sale here. Home boasts hardwood floors throughout home, NEW kitchen with granite countertops, wood cabinetry, stainless steel appliances, ceramic floor, bay window, recessed lighting, designer paint throughout and french doors to rear patio. An updated bathroom w/ ceramic tile and new plumbing. The garage has been completely finished with drywall, insulated, lighting, electrical & laminate flooring and offers you approximately 190 Sq. Ft of additional space for your office/gym with a french door entrance from the patio. New double paned windows throughout, new washer & dryer, new electrical/plumbing, new air unit & energy efficient water heater. Private patio offers you outdoor living room to entertain or enjoy secluded mornings/afternoons. .. Customized closets in bedrooms. Landscaped to be drought resistant. Award winning school district. Walk to the beach, Belmont Shore, Colorado Lagoon, golf course's [SIC] & parks.

Yet another 2008 loser!

Seriously, what were people thinking buying in late 2008? Don't they read this blog? I wonder if we'll be saying the same thing about 2009 buyers?

It only took this guy 18 payments before he figured out he couldn't possibly afford this place. And now he's looking for an out and is optimistically asking $9,000 more than he paid a year and a half ago, hoping to somewhat mitigate the pain of a -$28,000 loss (all in commissions).

This asking price seems based on the assumption that he perfectly timed the bottom in '08 and the housing market has been steadily recovering ever since.

I guess he doesn't read the news:




Yes, massive government intervention, artificially low interest rates, manipulated REO supply, extend-and-pretend HAMP tomfoolery, and free ponies in the form of first-time homebuyer tax credits have helped to stem the housing free-fall, but a slowdown in price declines is very different than an increase in values.

If you go from losing two quarts of blood per hour to half a quart, you're still losing a half a quart of blood! Slowing down the blood loss is very different from stopping the bleeding, mounting a full recovery, and being discharged from the hospital.

Unless he gets aggressive with his pricing very soon, our misguided seller could easily end up without a chair once the game of Government-Manipulated Musical Chairs comes to a grinding halt. I'd do whatever I could to sell now instead of taking my chances with higher interest rates, the elimination of homebuyer incentives, and more foreclosures on the market (and in the pipeline).

Once government attempts to keep home prices inflated (and, ultimately, unaffordable) run out of steam (or political support, or funding) and home values are allowed to return to some semblance of normalcy, sellers like this will regret not taking a big hit earlier. Because that "big hit" will look like what you find in the bottom of a clothes dryer compared to the massive loss incurred as a result of sticking to your guns and demanding a batshit-crazy wishing price in an worsening selling environment.

Peep the listing history:

Feb 03, 2010 - Listed $610,000
Sep 02, 2008 - Sold $601,000 (7.7%/yr)
May 23, 2008 - Price Changed $660,000
Apr 08, 2008 - Listed $695,000
May 26, 1993 - Sold $192,500

This dude probably thought he was getting a smoking deal in September '08 when he negotiated a 15% "discount" from the original $695,000 asking price. I bet he was quite proud of himself for "stealing it" for only $601,000 ($680 per square foot).

Hey, dummy, 15% off of something overvalued by 50% is still overpaying by 35%.

It's the Men's Half-Yearly Sale analogy: Nordstrom gives you a 20% off coupon and you go suit shopping. You find a tough-looking pinstriped Hugo Boss with a $1,000 price tag. After running the numbers you're thrilled to pay only $800. Wow, a $200 savings! I'd be stupid not to buy!

But you didn't do your homework. And you failed to notice the suit was $700 last week. You see, the night before the sale, the price was jacked up by 30%, meaning a suit that used to be $700 with zero discounts just cost you an extra $100 with a coupon. But, that doesn't matter because buying it on sale "felt" like a better deal. After all, the initial asking price of $1,000 was such a big number, $800 by comparison seemed like a more drastic "savings."

Realtors and home sellers similarly rely on Americans' complete inability to do math.

I know plenty of people who use peak pricing as the yardstick, and compare today's prices to that insanely lofty, easy-money-bullshit-fueled number to feel better about overpaying. What they should be doing is starting at pre-bubble pricing and comparing today's asking prices tothat number. If more people did so, they would realize prices have a long way to go before they are in line with traditional home value appreciation.

Back to the property at hand: the lot is tiny but the location is great. The interior, although cramped, looks pretty nice too and the listing description mentions a decent amount of upgrades and goodies.
The solo bathroom is straight out of Scarface, but it's nothing a basic remodel couldn't fix. You know, because you'll have so much spare cash after making that $3,300 monthly payment.
HORF!

However, the backyard patio looks pretty cool:
And with only 883 square feet of living space, I'm sure you'll be spending quite a bit of time out there to offset the terminal claustrophobia.

I particularly like this photo of the junk accumulating the driveway:
For some reason, the first thing that came to mind was this:
What, you don't see it?
From what I can tell, little bungalows like this rent for around $2,000 a month. Let's be generous and say this could rent for $2,200 given the location and interior quality. So now you're paying $1,100 more per month (or $1,600 more if you go FHA) for "pride of ownership." Does that make any kind of sense?

Knowing that the bottom will arrive when the monthly rent approaches the Principal, Interest, Taxes and Insurance (there is debate about how to calculate this. Some say not to consider the tax refund because that money will largely be eaten up by maintenance and ancillary ownership costs. Others, mostly commission-based, suggest factoring in what you'll get back in tax refunds, which lowers the "buy" aspect of the rent vs. buy calculation and just happens to make buying more easily pencil out. I personally think the latter approach is dangerous because of the likelihood taxes, fees, insurance, and ownership costs will increase in the future given the impending state and federal fiscal issues), this asking price is way out of line with reality.

How far out of line? By (roughly) calculating pre- and post-tax monthly payments, in order for this to make sense as a purchase the price needs to be between $450,000 at the low end and$510,000 at the high end.

As you can clearly see, $610,000 for this snuff box is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay overpriced.

However, I am confident a knifecatcher will step in long before the asking price drops below $510,000, but I'm just pointing out what it would take to make any kind of financial sense and ensure you're not overpaying.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

YNGFL: FINAL UPDATE

Sold on 12/17/2010 - $200,900

Wow. What a ride for this welted chunk of excrement.

More than 1,000 days on the market and the bank finally approved a short sale at the price it should have been at all along.

Just look at this lesson in incompetence:

Dec 17, 2010Sold (MLS) (Closed)$200,900--Inactive CARETS #P701097
Jul 31, 2010Pending (Backup Offers Accepted)----Inactive CARETS #P701097
Jul 19, 2010Price Changed$199,900--Inactive CARETS #P701097
Jun 23, 2010Price Changed$219,900--Inactive CARETS #P701097
May 19, 2010Price Changed$225,000--Inactive CARETS #P701097
Mar 03, 2010Price Changed$250,000--Inactive CARETS #P701097
Dec 30, 2009Price Changed$289,000--Inactive CARETS #P701097
Dec 30, 2009Relisted (Active)----Inactive CARETS #P701097
Dec 03, 2009Pending----Inactive CARETS #P701097
Nov 12, 2009Price Changed$239,000--Inactive CARETS #P701097
Oct 30, 2009Relisted (Active)----Inactive CARETS #P701097
Sep 23, 2009Pending (Pending Sale)----Inactive CARETS #P701097
Sep 18, 2009Price Changed$249,000--Inactive CARETS #P701097
Sep 14, 2009Price Changed$270,000--Inactive CARETS #P701097
Aug 28, 2009Listed (Active)$319,900--Inactive CARETS #P701097
Aug 01, 2008Delisted*--Inactive CARETS #3
May 06, 2008Listed*--Inactive CARETS #3
May 06, 2008Delisted*--Inactive CARETS #2
Mar 30, 2008Listed*--Inactive CARETS #2
Mar 29, 2008Delisted*--Inactive CARETS #1
Feb 29, 2008Listed*--Inactive CARETS #1
May 25, 2004Sold (Public Records)$329,000--Public Records

Unbelievable.

In Saturday's post I mentioned that most Long Beach properties are selling for 2003 prices or lower, but that's in prime areas. In less desirable areas, like this one, the pricing is much closer to 2001.

Congratulations to the new owner for sticking it out for so long. Friends of mine just closed on a condo in Huntington Beach after TEN MONTHS spent wrangling with the bank. Because the bank was so slow to get off its ass, they missed out on the homebuyer tax credit and the record-low rates from the last few months.

But they, like this buyer, are paying less to own than it would cost to rent -- and that's cause for celebration.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The price was "$219,900" and changed to "$199,900"

$220 per square foot for an apartment just 1,000 feet from the sand. This is officially cheaper to own than rent -- even before the tax write-off.

But the bank has no intention of letting the property go for this bargain basement price. Because that would mean recognizing a horrific loss on the books.

So I expect this charade to go on and on and on...with a few price increases thrown in along the way to restart the process. It's been two-and-a-half years so far...I wouldn't be surprised to see this go on until 2012. As long as there are acronym-filled horseshit government programs left to exploit, this could go on indefinitely.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The price was "$250,000" and changed to "$225,000"

In case anyone is operating under the misguided belief that the banking system has stabilized and housing is poised for a big comeback, I want you to consider that this shitty apartment is still booked at full value on the lender's books -- despite the current asking price being$114,000 less than the 2004 appraised value.

As long as that bullshit is allowed by the government (and in fact actively encouraged by way of mark-to-fantasy FASB policies and various extend-and-pretend programs like HAMP, HAFA, etc.), it will take YEARS for this inventory to actually hit the market. Meaning, returning to true values (based on actual incomes and sizable down payments) will take ages.

I'm tired of waiting -- exhausted, really -- but I'm also no fool. If I could use Other People's Money, this would be a no-brainer. Buy now and walk away if things go south. But I have my own cold, hard cash on the line and as long as countless properties like this are still rotting on the MLS, the buy signal is a long way off.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The price was "$289,000" and changed to "$250,000"

Well that's one way to get buyers' attention! I guess now the question is whether the bank will actually let it go for nearly $100,000 shy of the original loan amount. I somehow doubt it. But maybe in light of the first-time homebuyer tax credit expiring, they're getting out while there's still some demand left. We'll see.

Sorry for the sporadic posts...I've been on the road all week.

Every time I travel I can't help but observe the local real estate situation. The last time I was in Miami was the summer of 2006, and as I drove around I remember marveling at the incredible number of construction cranes piercing the horizon. At the time I said to myself, "Who are these being built for? Is there that much demand for new housing or even rentals? How does all of this construction make sense?" From what I could tell, the completed towers seemed empty--why build more?

Anyhow, today the cranes are pretty much extinct but at night many of these new buildings were dark, reminiscent of the North Korea Towers in Irvine. Pretty crazy.

South Beach was still fun--it hasn't lost any of its swagger in this downturn.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++




Address: 1318 East 2ND St #9, 90802
Asking Price: $289,000
Purchase Price (2004): $329,000
Beds: 2
Baths: 1.75
Sq. Ft.: 909
$/Sq. Ft.: $318
Year Built: 1964
MLS#: P701097
On Redfin: 131 days
HOA: $156
Down Payment: $10,000 (FHA)
Income Requirement (4x income): $72,000
Monthly Nut: $1,700 (FHA)
Description: Sunny & bright, this lovely condo has tons of storage space, a spacious dining room and living room, a separate master bathroom AND A PRIVATE GARAGE with storage that is big enough for an SUV! The home has large rooms that make the entire condo bright and roomy. Located just 2 blocks from the beach, this is perfect as a second home, vacation property or a retreat to enjoy every day!

"perfect as a second home, vacation property or a retreat to enjoy every day"? Looks like this bathroom took a vacation to the 1960s:


HORF!

And when was the last time you saw a white refrigerator?


Maybe I've just become accustomed to stainless fridges, but for some reason that outdated clunker is really jarring!

Pssst! Wanna see the secret to selling a tiny, dumpy apartment with original bathrooms in a shaky economy? Here you go:

December 30: The price was "$239,000" and changed to "$289,000"

Genius!

This short selling grifter has been priced below $270,000 for the last 75 days (50 of which were spent begging for $239,000) with no luck, but for some insane reason decided what this listing really needed was a price jack to $289,000. Because there's nothing buyers love more than a good ol' fashioned cornholing.

Dec 30, 2009 - Price INCREASED $289,000
Dec 30, 2009 - Relisted
Dec 03, 2009 - Delisted
Nov 12, 2009 - Price Reduced
Oct 30, 2009 - Relisted
Sep 23, 2009 - Delisted
Sep 18, 2009 - Price Reduced $249,000
Sep 14, 2009 - Price Reduced $270,000
Aug 28, 2009 - Listed $319,900
Aug 01, 2008 - Delisted
May 06, 2008 - Listed
May 06, 2008 - Delisted
Mar 30, 2008 - Listed
Mar 29, 2008 - Delisted
Feb 29, 2008 - Listed
May 25, 2004 - Sold $329,000 ($270,000 puts it firmly in 2002 pricing--the true market value, judging by the failure to sell for $249,000 is likely 2000/2001)

What kind of sales strategy is that? To paraphrase a line from Tropic Thunder, When trying to sell a house, "everyone knows you never go full retard."

Because that's the only explanation for the current price. All the loanowner has to do is click on their own Redfin link to see that nearby properties are selling for nowhere near this amount:

Downtown: $243,000; $271 psft
Alamitos Beach: $225,000; $262 psft
90802: $249,000; $276 psft
Long Beach: $229,900; $256 psft


And here she is, demanding $311 per square! Based on what, honey?

Anyhow, the point of this post isn't about greed or stupidity, or the living hell of two shared walls, or the difficulties involved with short sales, or the insanity of sellers having negative equity after FIVE FUCKING YEARS OF OWNERSHIP yet simultaneously driving $45,000 luxury SUVs...



No. Although all are at play here, this post is really about pent-up foreclosures.

You see, this property is just two months shy of its two year (!) anniversary on the MLS. It's technically not "shadow inventory" because its been out in the open on the MLS, right? But given the lender's failure to approve a sale in 22 months, it has never actually been "for sale." Meaning it's a bank-owned property in denial.

A monster loss is guaranteed, it just hasn't been booked yet.

And after it inevitably goes back to the bank, it will come back on the market at a greatly reduced price (it seems that most times, once the loss has been realized banks just try to unload). However, REOs dumped on the market crush values, putting everyone else in the area (further) underwater and perpetuating the cycle. It makes perfect sense why lenders are intent on keeping these phantoms in real estate limbo for as long as they can.

And without a mechanism to force lenders to actually approve short sales and process foreclosures (read: recognize losses) instead of extending and pretending for eternity, the market will be absolutely surrounded by these phantom properties for years and years, with no opportunity to actually buy them.

If this seller were smart (ha!) she would have stopped paying ages ago and lived rent-free this entire time. If her lender isn't interested in selling short after two years, they certainly aren't keen on foreclosing.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Naples Nightmare: FINAL UPDATE

Sold on 09/09/10 - $1,200,000

To recap, after purchasing this property right after the peak of The Great Housing Bubble for $950,000, the former owner demolished the existing home and built this overwrought monstrosity with what I imagine was a hefty construction loan. Unfortunately, the minute ground was broken on this eyesore of a McCastle, the real estate market began its horrific, Great Depression-esque decline.

Stuck with an asset that was losing money before it was even completed, he spent the next eleven months sweating .50-caliber bullets, wishing that the housing market would somehow stop its rampant, freight-train powered return back to normalcy before he got his masterpiece on the market.

Wish in one hand, and crap in the other...and see which one fills up first. We all know how that worked out.

And so, in January of this year, after dicking around with extend-and-pretend short sale tactics, the bank finally foreclosed on his ass and took back the property for $1,260,000. And as is the case with quality properties in prime areas, the bank didn't take long to get it back on the market...with a wishing price of $1,325,000. There it sat for nearly seven months, until it apparently sold just a few days ago for $1,200,000 -- a mere 5% less than the bank paid.

Interestingly, $1,200,000 is HALF of what the deadbeat former owner asked when he initially tried to flip it.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

My Place Is Special Syndrome (MYPISS), anyone?

Anyhow, the more I look at this thing, the more I hate it. Sure, the location is great, but who wants to live in the shadows of that monolithic apartment complex? Plus, there is no yard to speak of. Which, now that I think about it, you probably wouldn't even want a yard given the innumerable peering eyes in that apartment complex (ew, renters. We all know what perverts and degenerates they are).

But I mostly hate it because of what it represents: waste, misplaced priorities, bubble excess, poor lending standards, unchecked greed, bank bailouts, moral hazard...all of it.

The good news is that the new owners can start a life there and enjoy having an, um, interesting house in a great neighborhood. And regardless of how mud-fence ugly I think this thing is, you can't deny that $354 per square in this area for brand-new construction is a smoking deal.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++



215 South THE TOLEDO, 90803
Approved Short Sale Price: $1,450,000
Beds: 4
Baths: 4.25
Sq. Ft.: 3,345
$/Sq. Ft.: $433
Lot Size: 3,390 Sq. Ft.
Year Built: 2008
MLS#: P616675
Down Payment: $290,000 (assuming a bank would let you get away with "only" 20%)
Income Requirement: $363,000
Monthly Nut: $8,800
On Redfin: 718 days
Description: Short sale approved at list price. Can close qickly. Brand New Custom Home. This New Home has Big Walkin Closets In every bedroom on the second floor! Downstairs bedroom and bath can also be a maids Bedroom or office. Double door Formal entryway that leads into a huge Kitchen with upgrades and a great room with its own half Bathroom. Oversized Attached Garage. Curved Stairway that Leads you to Laundry room and second floor with Master bedroom that has two walkin closets, Fireplace, Master bathroom and private balcony. Second Floor hall way leads to two more Bedrooms, each with walkin closets and private baths. Private Door leads to the third story deck that has water, electricity for all your entertainment needs. Advanced Electrical for Entertainment systems, speakers, Lighting, Vacuum System, Security, Internet, Dual Air . Plenty of Storage through-out Home. Too many upgrades to list all.

"Qickly"?

"Walkin" closets? Where they walkin' to?

And Nice (Ab)use of Title Case, Dickhead.


It's been a rough few years for this fliptard. His simple plan was to tear down the old property, build a McMansion in its place, and flip it for a sizeable profit.

Unfortunately, his timing was absolutely horrendous.

You see, he paid $950,000 in January 2007, juuuuuuust past the peak of the housing bubble. The year he spent constructing this 3,345 square foot behemoth (on a freaking 3,390 square foot lot! What?!) saw the beginnings of one of the worst economic catastrophes in world history.

As quickly as he could, and before the economy got any worse, he put it on the market. Unfortunately, 2008 was the year of the credit crisis. His initial asking price of $2,700,000 might have seemed high even during the height of the bubble, but in the context of a full-blown economic disaster 2.7 mil was laughed off dismissively by market participants. And it's been a race against the clock ever since:

Dec 03, 2009 - Price Changed $1,450,000
Nov 27, 2009 - Price Changed $1,799,000
Oct 08, 2009 - Price Changed $1,900,000
Aug 06, 2008 - Price Changed $2,199,000
Apr 09, 2008 - Price Changed $2,399,000
Jan 09, 2008 - Listed $2,700,000
Jan 02, 2007 - Sold $950,000


Considering it's a short sale at $1,450,000, I'd say the clock won.


You have to appreciate his complete ignorance to market realities during the ensuing 718 days. Specifically, the 14 months between August 2008 and October 2009 that saw no price reductions. Smart! You're really good at this!

Given that insane amount of time spent being totally uncompetitive, I have a feeling 1.9 mil was the breaking point at which a short sale could be avoided. And it's been a sad race to the bottom ever since.

Honestly, I think the approved price of $1,450,000 is about right. This is BRAND NEW construction and has never been lived in. The upgrades look great and the Naples location is fantastic (although it appears to be right next to a massive apartment complex). Plus, most people buying these properties don't really expect to have a yard anyway.



Given all of that, along with a quick glance at the listed and sold comps (typical for Naples is between $541 and $671 per square foot), $443 per square for a brand spanking new build actually seems like a good deal.

So what gives?

Who knows. Fear of further drops in the high-end? Jumbo financing snags? Pain in the ass short sale process? Fear Of Unnecessary Title Case?

Or maybe Santa brought someone escrow paperwork for Christmas and it will go pending within days.

Regardless, I can't believe the "owner" has stuck around this long to find out. After three years of carrying costs on that $950,000 purchase loan plus AT LEAST $500,000 in construction loans, I figured he would have tapped out by now and moonwalked away.

But he didn't. Because we all know debtors walking away from their obligations is "immoral."

Monday, August 30, 2010

2004 Pricing in The Shore has Arrived: THROWING IN THE TOWEL

Officially off the market.

Wow. No takers despite its 2004 price.

He only lasted three months on the MLS before skulking off into the night with his tail tucked between his legs.

Better luck next summer, buddy.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

With the 2010 Super Summer Selling Season(tm) over before it began, sellers like this should be sweating enough bullets to fill Camp Pendleton.

210 SAINT JOSEPH Ave, Long Beach, CA 90803
Asking Price: $999,000
Purchase Price: $1,145,000
Purchase Date: 9/2006
Beds: 3
Baths: 2.5
Sq. Ft.: 2,343
$/Sq. Ft.: $426
Lot Size: 2,970 Sq. Ft.
Year Built: 1924
MLS#: Y1001993
On Redfin: 91 days
Description: Ideal Belmont Shore location situated between 2nd and Livingston Drive so close to stores/restaurants, Livingston Park and Playground, as well as in desirable Lowell Elementary and Will Rogers Middle School District. Not a short-sale or bank-owned property. Remodeled in 2006 with new Tile Flooring, Updated Kitchen with Granite Counters and Stainless Steel Appliances, Newer Stucco and Dual Paned Wood Windowns, Inviting 2-Story Entry with Staircase, Family Room with French Doors to Backyard with Patio and Grassy Area, Separate Office or 4th Bedroom, Sundeck of Master Suite, Vaulted Ceilings, Skylights and Formal Dining Room. Wonderful Master Suite with Large Private Bathroom featuring Spa-Style Shower, Travertine, and Whirlpool Tub.

"Windowns"?

"Sundeck of Master Suite"?

On a million-dollar listing? Way to give it your all, dipshit.

Given that the current asking price of $999,000 is firmly in 2004 territory and he has yet to garner any interest, you'd think the seller would be on the precipice of a massive panic attack, hammering his agent about making this listing tighter than an AARP member with a coupon and a tip calculator.

But, no dice. I guess it's only money, right?

And how much money are we talking about? Well, after "buying" this place for $1,145,000 in 2006, in March of this year he finally stopped pretending he could actually afford this house and listed it for $1,094,000. When that didn't work, he lopped off $51,000 like a plantar wart and here the property sits, unoccupied, casually waiting for a miracle from the Lord above.

May 25, 2010 - Price Changed $999,000
Mar 30, 2010 - Listed $1,094,000
Sep 11, 2006 - Sold $1,145,000 (+7.9%/yr)
Aug 20, 2004 - Sold $980,000 (+8.7%/yr)
Jun 24, 1994 - Sold $420,000


Assuming he could get the (soon-to-be-reduced) $999,000 asking price, the four years spent living the delicious lie that he was "rich" because he lived in a million-dollar house in Belmont Shore will cost him, at a minimum, -$206,000. According to the listing this is not a short sale, meaning that enormous loss will be taken directly on the seller's chin.

Yikes.

But that horrific loss is predicated upon this dude actually selling for a cool mil. It's worth noting that only two properties have sold for anywhere near that kind of money during the last six months.

But still, this place is located in the heart of The Shore and it appears to have many nice accoutrements of the Great Housing Bubble:


Although, what's up with this bathroom? Talk about a shrine to bubble exuberance!

I mean, is there any travertine left in that quarry?

The exterior is fucking hideous as far as I'm concerned, but to each his own.

WOOF.

Take a look at that nasty stucco job. Ugh.

We can debate appearances, but you can't argue with the market. And the market hath spoken: This thing is overpriced and every week that goes by without a price reduction serves to make that fact even more glaringly obvious.

If he were truly serious about competing for the few remaining cash-flush buyers out there, he'd aggressively slash the price and try to ignite a bidding war while he can. But for whatever reason he's just chillin', waiting gingerly as more negative economic factors weigh on an already severely challenged high-end market.

This is a great candidate for a walk-away. Think about it: the house has already been abandoned, there's absolutely no staging, the only price reduction occurred more than a month ago, he's already staring down the barrel of a $200,000+ loss...clearly there is no hurry to realize the horrific loss that would result from actually pricing it right. He's not worried about selling because he's already mentally checked out.

I can virtually guarantee one thing: if this guy moonwalks away from his debt-trap, the bank will foreclose and get it back on the market IMMEDIATELY. This seller clearly had a big down payment (remember, not a short sale), so the loss to the bank's balance sheet would be minimal. Given that, I very seriously doubt a lender would delay foreclosure or keep it off the market and play extend-and-pretend through the fall and winter months. Delaying foreclosure and encouraging squatting is typically reserved for houses waaaaaaaaaay underwater that banks don't want to take onto their books.

Some might point out that a sale within 5% of this sales price is possible. After all, on the face of it a 2004 price for generous square footage in a prime area sounds pretty attractive. And when you consider it sold in 2004 for $980,000 WITHOUT A SINGLE ONE OF THESE UPGRADES, $999,000 sounds like an even better deal.

The expired first-time homebuyer tax credits (Fed and soon State) wouldn't be a factor for buyers of million-dollar homes anyway, so selling this house on the open market relies solely on all-cash buyers or those who are comfortable with Jumbo financing. That's an awfully narrow field of potential buyers, but anything is possible in this crazy market.