Pepto-Dismal

Better call the Crazy Police because we might have a 5150 on our hands.

1919 E Beverly Way #212, 90802
Price: $365,000
Beds: 2
Baths: 2
Sq. Ft.: 1,151
$/Sq. Ft.: $317
HOA: $250
Year Built: 1982
MLS#: P697312
On Redfin: 12 days
Down Payment: $73,000
Monthly Payment: $2,300
Income Requirement: $104,000
Description: Turnkey! Top Floor, End Unit 2 bedrooms/2 full baths PLUS ARTISTS STUDIO LOFT, Inviting Open Floor Plan with Abundant Natural Light, and Vaulted Ceilings. This unique condo has both a Balcony with a South Facing View and your Own Private Deck with City Lights View. Pass through Kitchen with a Bar Counter plus a Separate Dining Area. Spiral Staircase leads to spacious loft that has a separate entry and dircect access to private deck. There is also a Wood-burning Fireplace in living room, in-unit Washer and Dryer, and Ceramic Tile in kitchen and baths. Ample Closet and Storage Space. Comes with Two Parking Spaces in underground parking with storage space. Other amenities include Community laundry and a large Exercise Room. Minutes to Downtown, Belmont Shore, shopping, freeways, and just blocks to the Beach!

"Dircect"?

"Yeah, man, it was creepy as hell. After I paid for my chili dog the cashier at Der Wienerschnitzel asked me if I wanted to be in his cult."

Get it?

Get it?!

Uh, no.

So, what we have here is the most expensive condo in the area by a long shot. I guess this seller doesn't quite grasp the concept of short sales needing to substantially undercut nearby sellers because of the hassles, frustrations, and delays inherent in getting banks' approval.

Their fax machine must have been out of paper the day Reality HQ sent that memo.

And speaking of pure, unadulterated idiocy, since when is community laundry an "amenity"?

Yeah, maybe to someone who washes their clothes in a river delta. But a couple earning the required household income of $104,000, having your five-minutes-too-long-in-the-dryer socks and undies dumped on the washroom floor complete with a passive aggressive note exclaiming, "OTHEr pEEpLE LIVE HEAR TO!!" consider that shit to be a big ol' deal breaker.

And then we have the Pepto-Bismal walls--actually, you know what? I want to go back to this community laundry thing. Seriously, this could be the dumbest fucking thing I've ever seen in a listing.

Look, if we're talking about a shithole $15,000 studio apartment next to the train tracks in poverty-stricken Detroit, I could understand how laundry facilities in the building would be a big deal. BUT YOU'RE ASKING THREE HUNDRED SIXTY FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS! YOU'RE GOD DAMN RIGHT IT HAS LAUNDRY MACHINES ON THE PREMISES!

Man.

Back to the awful color palate that nobody bothered to paint over before trying to sell. I mean, lady, figure it out. The first thing a potential buyer is going to think is, "Wait, you're telling me this place costs $200,000 more than the last sale in this building AND I have to spend two weeks repainting practically every surface?"


Come on, DO WORK!

However, I do have to give her credit for the old-school TV.
I'm dead serious. How many distressed listings have we seen where people have massive HELOC flat-screens that they probably couldn't afford?

It doesn't take a financial genuis to tell you that this place has no shot finding a buyer at this price. And that's assuming a bank would ever getting around to approving this outrageous price tag.

I mean, just check out the Street View. Yikes! That's a scary street/alley to live on. It kind of reminds me of that cul-de-sac scene in Training Day.

You can go in, but you might not make it back out.