Toweer of Babel

1728 East 3RD St #3, 90802
Asking Price: $289,000
Purchase Price: $132,500 (10/1999)
Beds: 2
Baths: 1
Sq. Ft.: 910
$/Sq. Ft.: $318
Year Built: 1928
MLS#: P703419
On Redfin: 130 days
Income Requirement: $72,250
Down Payment: $10,115 (FHA)
Monthly Nut: $2,000 (yikes!)
Description: WOW!!! This fabulous historical Rose Toweers condo is three blocks from beach, trendy shops and dining and public transportation. This unit is downstairs and has wonderful hardwood floors, faux fireplace in living room, faces courtyard, has dining area in living room and kitchen and has great choice of colors throughout. The complex falls under the Mills Act because it is historical and is on the National Registry of Historical buildings. WOW. Just a beautiful and charming place. This is not a short sale or REO property

WOW!!! How the hell do you misspell "Towers"?

And I love this...

Property Features:
Window Bars

Bonus!

I really like the look of this complex. I can't explain it. It just looks to tranquil. Like a Mediterranean getaway.

But, you know, pink.

Which is why after reading that lush description I was excited to scope some photos. But, alas, this agent believes mystery is the best policy.

"has wonderful hardwood floors"? PROVE IT.

"faux fireplace in living room"? PROVE IT.

"faces courtyard"? PROVE IT.

"has dining area in living room and kitchen"? PROVE IT.

"and has great choice of colors throughout"? PROVE IT.

And since there are no interior photos, I'll cut right to the chase: today's featured seller, obviously emboldened by their strong equity position, has been leisurely chasing the market down for quite some time.

And by "quite some time," I mean SITTING ON THE MARKET SINCE TWO THOUSAND FREAKING FIVE!

Jan 19, 2010 - Price Changed $289,000
Nov 29, 2009 - Price Changed $297,000
Oct 19, 2009 - Price Changed $317,000
Sep 15, 2009 - Listed $329,000
Sep 21, 2008 - Delisted
Feb 06, 2008 - Listed
Feb 02, 2008 - Delisted
Aug 28, 2007 - Listed
May 05, 2006 - Delisted
Nov 04, 2005 - Listed
Oct 13, 1999 - Sold $132,500

That's right. Pretty much four years on the market! That has to be a record for the Long Beach Housing Blog.

Despite the eternity trying to sell for whatever chronic-fuelled figure was floating around in their delusional head, you do have to give the seller credit for finally getting serious late last year. Since September, the price has been slashed by $40,000.

However, reducing the price when you start out at a hilariously WTF number is like patting yourself on the back for quitting cocaine and heroin cold turkey...only to pick up a meth habit.

Considering this seller purchased pre-bubble for a pittance ($132,500), I understand how the allure of doubling your initial investment could cloud your vision and keep you from pricing too aggressively. I mean, you want to get your mitts on as much bubble profit as you can, right?

Unfortunately, that greed is preventing the seller from accepting the truth about today's market. Even with artificially limited inventory and fast-money subprime FHA loans, most overpriced properties just sit.

Especially pieces of crap. Which, let's be honest, this most likely is. I mean, how else can you explain the lack of interior photos? No realtor would be that terminally stupid to try to sell something for nearly $300,000 without a few pictures, right?

Honestly, I have no idea what this dolt is waiting for. Slash the price and get this thing sold, dummy! Anything you walk away with is pure, unearned bubble gravy anyway--why hang around for another year trying to get a few extra nickles?

Plus, this ground-floor unit doesn't seem very desirable. It has no stove, only one garage spot, two shared walls, and no laundry on the premises (sweet, two grand a month for the privilege of hanging out in a laundromat every Saturday). Take the money while this thing is still worth more than $200,000!

Look, rates won't be this low forever, the FHA won't stay solvent forever, first-time homebuyer ponies (likely) won't make it past summer, inventory won't remain this artificially low forever (well, actually, they might be able to drag it out for years, but are you willing to take that risk?)...WHAT THE HOLY HELL ARE YOU WAITING FOR?!

This may not be the ideal time to buy, but with all of the government incentives aligned just so, I can't imagine a more opportune time for the equity-flush to sell.