Friday, January 22, 2010

Saint Stupid: UPDATE

The price was "$875,000" and changed to "$850,000"

I have to give him credit for consistently lowering the price, but I've got bad news: on the very same day as his $25,000 price reduction, his (waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay nicer) competition on Monrovia lowered his ask to $835,000 (FYI, that's down from $1,055,000 in July 2009. He's been reducing the price every week since).


I apologize for the recent focus on 90803 bungalows, but these nitwits and their delusional senses of entitlement have to be called out.

Address: 222 SAINT JOSEPH Ave, 90803
Asking Price: $875,000
Beds: 2
Baths: 2
Sq. Ft.: 1,600
$/Sq. Ft.: $547
Lot Size: 4,050 Sq. Ft.
Year Built: 1937
MLS#: P694685
Source: SoCalMLS
On Redfin: 157 days
Down Payment: $175,000
Income Requirement: $220,000
Monthly Nut: $4,800
Description: BACK ON THE MARKET!!! Will consider trade for a duplex with a yard. Restored, enlarged Belmont Shore showplace home on a larger lot. 2 bedrooms / 2 bathrooms plus office and den. Gorgeous landscaping with waterfall and pond - featured in Long Beach magazine. Spa. Newewr bathrooms and kitchen. Shower / steam room. Double garage behind available. Forced air heating & cooling, tankless water heater. Fireplace in living room. Crown molding & hardwood floors. Granite kitchen tile and bathroom floors and counter top.

"Will consider trade for a duplex with a yard." Hey fuckwit, for $875,000 I and every other potential buyer want a duplex with a yard too. THAT'S WHY YOUR SHIT HASN'T SOLD IN FIVE MONTHS.

What an idiot.

And speaking of idiocy..."Newewr"?

Really? In a listing demanding nearly a million bones?

Or how about "Restored, enlarged Belmont Shore showplace home." Dude, we're talking about 1,600 square feet. How "enlarged" can it be?

[Speaking of enlargement, you want to know why those boner pill companies are allowed to exist despite being completely full of it (come on, think about it. If that shit worked, they wouldn't possibly be able to produce enough of it. Every single solitary dude on the planet would be ordering cases of the stuff. Bottles would be bursting out of glove boxes and briefcases across the globe. This would become a world of men walking around with tree trunks stuffed into their trousers. Hell, we'd all need motherfuckin' motorized scooters to get around)? Because they vaguely claim that they make you "bigger" and "firmer." But they specifically avoid saying bigger and firmer than what. If we're talking about making you bigger than you were after a few laps in a cold pool, sure. Mission accomplished. But bigger than usual while "in the moment?" They craftily decline to say. And how do you know it wasn't rolling around with your partner that made you "bigger"? You don't. So although there is no way to prove the pill made you "bigger," (more importantly) there is no way to prove it didn't--and therefore the ads were not misleading. Plus, who would be crazy enough to file the first lawsuit bitching that the magic beans he ordered from the interwebs failed to make his (obviously) tiny junk into an unwieldly, Incredible Hulk-sized axe handle? Ta-daaaaa!]

Back to our regularly scheduled thrashing. This dude claims his joint is a "showplace."

Uh, okay. Whatever you say.

And just what does "Double garage behind available" mean? Does it cost extra or something?

With marketing acumen like this, it's no wonder buyers have been straight up ignoring your property since March. That's right. The house has been on the market since Q109 but after just 41 days the seller took their ball and went home when nobody would pay their Wishing Price.

In July the beggar--ERRRR...seller proudly proclaimed, it's "BACK ON THE MARKET!!!", naturally expecting people to give a shit. And it's been rotting ever since with zero buyer interest despite two $50,000 price cuts (both in October, 15 days apart).

Oct 23, 2009 - Price Changed $875,000
Oct 08, 2009 - Price Changed $925,000
Jul 10, 2009 - Listed $975,000
May 07, 2009 - Delisted
Mar 27, 2009 - Listed

Unfortunately, this delusual Long Beach seller lost his discounting momentum just when it seemed like he was starting to understand how this market works.

Sure, this thing in the Shore, but so what?

How are you going to compete with sellers like this property, on the beach side of 2nd Street? It sports two extra bedrooms, a bonus bathroom, 216 additional square feet and, other than some horrendous wallpaper that reminds me of the end result the last time I drank Jagermeister, is far superior in the looks department (and, well, every other department too).

Answer: You're not going to compete.

Not with your kitchen, anyway:


Or how are you going to compete with this cozy nearby property? I have a feeling buyers would be far more willing to pay an extra five grand for an extra bedroom and 200 additional square feet. Just a hunch.

Oh, but this guy has something over all those other properties. As the listing description so thoughtfully and eloquently puts it: "Spa."

Yikes. All I want for Christmas is a staph infection.

Look, cash-flush people (yes, they still exist--despite what the doom and gloomers proclaim, plenty of people are still employed and have cash stockpiles from waiting on the sidelines for years) are going to continue to severely overpay for 90803 properties. That's just the reality of people with more money than brains (or patience). Case in point.

But unless the glory days of 8x income loans and credit cards for housecats return, I just don't see how 222 St. Joseph sells for $875,000.


  1. I just want to say your blog is effin hilarious. I subscribe to 10 real estate blogs and yours is by far the funniest. Keep up the good work!

  2. "These nitwits and their delusional sense of entitlements need to be called out."


    And you do it so well.

  3. Anon,

    Thanks for the kind words!

  4. Mike,

    And thank you for the kind words as well!