Monday, January 18, 2010

Fun While it Lasted

Thanks Anonymous for sending this one in:

Hey El Bee,
New reader. Love your style. Keep it coming!

PS - What did you think about the 400k price reduction at 308 Claremont?!? But a short sale with the need for lender approval from two different banks. That's about as likely to happen as... 324 per sq ft in the shore though. Not that bad.

Address: 308 CLAREMONT Ave, 90803
Asking Price: $999,900
Purchase Price: $1,330,000
Beds: 4
Baths: 3.5
Sq. Ft.: 3,076
$/Sq. Ft.: $325
Lot Size: 3,454 Sq. Ft.
Year Built: 1969
MLS#: P706454
On Redfin: 98 days
Down Payment: $199,980
Income Requirement (4x income): $249,975
Monthly Nut: $5,900
Description: An amazing home in the highly sought after Belmont Park area on one of the most desireable streets. This is a unique three story home with fantastic water views from the third floor. Upon entering you quickly realize you have found something special, with a large step down formal living room with fireplace, built in cabinetry, and soaring vaulted ceilings. A large and open floor plan offering a spacious kitchen, dining and family room all looking upon a tranquil patio. The kitchen is perfect for entertaining, equiped with high end appliances and a large island all detailed in custom granite. A large family room, both open to the kitchen and outdoor patio. The second floor has two kids bedrooms sharing a full bath, laundry, and Huge Master Suite with large walk-in closet, separate shower and jacuzzi tub. The third floor is really quite amazing, Large entertaining room opens to the outdoor deck, with a complete outdoor kitchen, dumbwaiter, Spa, dining area, with amazing water views.



On a million-dollar listing? What a pro!

You want proof that we live in a fucked-up society with ass-backwards perceptions of "wealth"?

This short-selling poser, who clearly could never afford this monstrous testament to bubble idiocy, instead of showing some humbleness and shame in the face of a financial situation so abysmal that he's begging the bank for a FOUR HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLAR WRITE DOWN on what he agreed to pay, is actually putting the reason for his horrible financial failures--his revolting materialism--on full display.


A fleet of dirt bikes:

Big ass flat screen TVs:

Expensive Guitars:

Big ass flat screen TVs and expensive guitars:

And the ultimate trapping of the douchebag nouveau riche, a dedicated wine closet:

You stockpiled all of these material possessions to make people believe you were rich and now you expect the lenders and taxpayers to pay for your recklessness and HELOC lifestyle?

Fuck you, scumbag.

I hope your fake lifestyle was fun, you worthless leech, because now it's all over. I really wish there were debtor prisons in the US, because I would take great joy in the idea of you repaying your debt to society in a 8' x 8' cell.

But, instead you'll get the last laugh as you burden taxpayers with the fallout caused by your insatiable greed, rent for a few years to get back to so-so credit, then get right back into the over-leveraged real estate game and do it all over again with nothing learned.

This shit makes me sick.

According to the listing history, this gold-bricking shitheel bought in Spring 2005 for $1,330,000, providing the 2001 owner with about $400,000 in pure, uncut bubble profits. In a sign of the bubblicious times, it's worth noting that the 2001 seller only had it on the market for 19 days before our featured numbskull snapped it up (likely with a nothing-down Option ARM).

Jan 10, 2010 - Price Changed $999,900
Oct 09, 2009 - Listed $1,395,000
Jun 21, 2005 - Sold $1,330,000 (11.4%/yr)
May 02, 2005 - Delisted
Apr 13, 2005 - Listed
Jun 28, 2001 - Sold $865,000
Jun 25, 1992 - Sold $640,000
Jun 04, 1990 - Sold $50,000

After a few years of accumulating HELOC trophies and pretending to be rich, our seller finally figured out how Option ARMs work (better late than never, fuck face!) when his payment suddenly exploded into the stratosphere.

So in October 2009 he quickly threw it on the market for a hideously WTF price of $1,395,000--obviously trying to break even and brag to his buddies that he "didn't lose a dime."

Well, tough titties--you ain't breakin' even. And you know it. Hence last week's massive $400,000 price cleave.

For the record, this lotless wonder will easily find a buyer for the current listed price. But, as Anonymous so astutely pointed out, the two lenders (especially the second lien-holder) will never agree to a short sale.

Not in a million years.

So, an approved short sale at $999,900, much like this guy's entire lifestyle, is grand, unadulterated, unicorn-fellating fantasy.

Look, I love fast cars and automatic watches as much as the next dude (there is an inherent materialism built into us Southern Californians--I'll be the first to admit it) but the difference is I CAN ACTUALLY AFFORD THAT SHIT. I don't need to front, because my lifestyle has a big, fat PAID IN FULL stamp on it--I don't pay interest on shit for my indulgences.

I'd much rather live like the Stealthy Wealthy instead of ostentatiously faking my way through life like this dump, perpetually bouncing $45,000 in credit card balances to 0% APR accounts, leasing luxury vehicles and never driving further than San Pedro because I'm "over my miles" (what do you want to bet this shartmuffin has a leased CLS550 in the driveway?) and paying the bare minimum on toxic timebomb Option ARMs for houses it's so painfully obvious I can't afford.

I'd lambaste this loser for teaching his kids horrible life skills and values--that everything can just be put on a credit card--but what the fuck do they care? You'll just put another 150cc Yamaha on a 72-month payment plan and the kids will never question it.

Nor will they question how they became so overwhelmed with ball-crushing debt as adults. Hell, it will never even cross their minds because as the government has made so abundantly clear, someone will always be there to bail them out and ensure they never have to be responsible for living like such unabashed paycheck-to-paycheck $30K-Millionaires.

Hell, given the lack of repercussions for this guy, maybe I'm the one who was brought up with the wrong values?


  1. El Bee,

    You bring up several good points. Like you, I used to travel quite a bit for work and have to say this type of thing seems to really be a Cali thing...or at least a Socal thing. I've been working hard to hammer the 'Debt != Wealth' thing into my kids heads for years.

    As for the 2nd lien holder. Good stuff on this last week at Calc Risk. Seems like lots of back door deals going on to get 2nd's to approve the short sales. Cash to the 2nd outside of closing docs etc.

    and one last thing...'bounching'?

    Thanks for a gret rant.

  2. Here is the Calculated Risk article:

    I guess fraud in real estate is now standard operating procedure.

  3. Come on readers of Re in the LBC, some of you HAVE to have access to the loans of this guy.

    I am curious to know just how much he took out between 2005 and 2009.

    Please help!!! :)

    but El Bee, this was too mean!!!! :) HAHAHAHAHA.

  4. Hey, El Bee, while I agree with everything you say, you don't need to fill your comments with obscenities. It's a very good blog for those of us in the LBC, but you don't need to sound like some trash talking hoodlum to get your point across. The data is damning enough . . .

  5. "Stealthy Wealthy"!
    Love it, just flat out love it!

  6. Dudes it's not as simple as that. He needs the banks' agreement to sell it for $1M (or whatever the selling price is after some bidding war). If he gets that don't be surprised to see him kick some money back to the banks on top of the price. They will go back and look at whatever he claimed as assets for the loan(s).

    If he's stopped making payments they will be motivated to work something out otherwise they have to foreclose in about 90 days. The bank would then buy it back at auction for the outstanding loan amount and it will be back on the market. By then interest rates will have risen and it will not fetch even $1M so look for some cooperation between the players if he's stopped paying.

    If he hasn't the bank is in no hurry to sell it and will run out the clock.

    The 3rd case would be listing it low, getting that or something close and hoping the bank agrees. That's just a waste of everyone's time and the listing agent should be um disciplined.

    Or he might not owe close to $1.4M and is just looking to get out.

  7. Sorry Steve, but this guy is a piece of shit fucking asshole and deserves every word of the obscenities. Calling him a piece of shit is nowhere NEAR as obscene as what he is doing. And it is now up to the rest of us to pay the bill for all of his greed, excess and vanity. This is what has been left to us poor suckers who actually believe that people should be responsible for their debt. People like this have made it impossible to put down roots in southern CA. I'm angry at this guy and at what he represents and it makes me feel better that someone out there is willing to call a spade a spade. So much of the media portrays these people as "victims" of "predatory lending practices." No way man. I don't buy it. There are certain factions of people in So Cal that believe that the ends justify the means, and that anything you need to do to have a bigger, faster car than your neighbor is acceptable. These people are morally bankrupt and deserve our vitriol.
    I have had it. I'm moving to Oregon.

  8. El Bee, took a little vacation, but I'm back, and catching up on all the blogs....

    Please continue using profanities.


    As for this blog?

    One word - ouch

    Another word - bravo!

  9. Yo El Bee,

    Spot on per usual. Xxtra props for using the 'Paid in Full' album cover. Hey, it's your has to be written in your style, right? Keep it up.

    RE: Katy. You're not the only one. It's frustrating and makes others want to leave SoCal to build a stable, affordable home for a family.

  10. SR, in Texas they call their poseurs "all hat and no cattle". You get the same thing, to one degree or another, in every major American city where you have a broad range of prosperity. Bernie Madoff should ring a bell. There are a lot of New Yorkers that actually have the kind of dough he pretended to have.