Fun While it Lasted

Thanks Anonymous for sending this one in:

Hey El Bee,
New reader. Love your style. Keep it coming!

PS - What did you think about the 400k price reduction at 308 Claremont?!? But a short sale with the need for lender approval from two different banks. That's about as likely to happen as... 324 per sq ft in the shore though. Not that bad.

Address: 308 CLAREMONT Ave, 90803
Asking Price: $999,900
Purchase Price: $1,330,000
Beds: 4
Baths: 3.5
Sq. Ft.: 3,076
$/Sq. Ft.: $325
Lot Size: 3,454 Sq. Ft.
Year Built: 1969
MLS#: P706454
On Redfin: 98 days
Down Payment: $199,980
Income Requirement (4x income): $249,975
Monthly Nut: $5,900
Description: An amazing home in the highly sought after Belmont Park area on one of the most desireable streets. This is a unique three story home with fantastic water views from the third floor. Upon entering you quickly realize you have found something special, with a large step down formal living room with fireplace, built in cabinetry, and soaring vaulted ceilings. A large and open floor plan offering a spacious kitchen, dining and family room all looking upon a tranquil patio. The kitchen is perfect for entertaining, equiped with high end appliances and a large island all detailed in custom granite. A large family room, both open to the kitchen and outdoor patio. The second floor has two kids bedrooms sharing a full bath, laundry, and Huge Master Suite with large walk-in closet, separate shower and jacuzzi tub. The third floor is really quite amazing, Large entertaining room opens to the outdoor deck, with a complete outdoor kitchen, dumbwaiter, Spa, dining area, with amazing water views.

"desireable"?

"equiped"?

On a million-dollar listing? What a pro!

You want proof that we live in a fucked-up society with ass-backwards perceptions of "wealth"?

This short-selling poser, who clearly could never afford this monstrous testament to bubble idiocy, instead of showing some humbleness and shame in the face of a financial situation so abysmal that he's begging the bank for a FOUR HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLAR WRITE DOWN on what he agreed to pay, is actually putting the reason for his horrible financial failures--his revolting materialism--on full display.

Observe:

A fleet of dirt bikes:

Big ass flat screen TVs:

Expensive Guitars:

Big ass flat screen TVs and expensive guitars:

And the ultimate trapping of the douchebag nouveau riche, a dedicated wine closet:

You stockpiled all of these material possessions to make people believe you were rich and now you expect the lenders and taxpayers to pay for your recklessness and HELOC lifestyle?

Fuck you, scumbag.

I hope your fake lifestyle was fun, you worthless leech, because now it's all over. I really wish there were debtor prisons in the US, because I would take great joy in the idea of you repaying your debt to society in a 8' x 8' cell.

But, instead you'll get the last laugh as you burden taxpayers with the fallout caused by your insatiable greed, rent for a few years to get back to so-so credit, then get right back into the over-leveraged real estate game and do it all over again with nothing learned.

This shit makes me sick.

According to the listing history, this gold-bricking shitheel bought in Spring 2005 for $1,330,000, providing the 2001 owner with about $400,000 in pure, uncut bubble profits. In a sign of the bubblicious times, it's worth noting that the 2001 seller only had it on the market for 19 days before our featured numbskull snapped it up (likely with a nothing-down Option ARM).

Jan 10, 2010 - Price Changed $999,900
Oct 09, 2009 - Listed $1,395,000
Jun 21, 2005 - Sold $1,330,000 (11.4%/yr)
May 02, 2005 - Delisted
Apr 13, 2005 - Listed
Jun 28, 2001 - Sold $865,000
Jun 25, 1992 - Sold $640,000
Jun 04, 1990 - Sold $50,000

After a few years of accumulating HELOC trophies and pretending to be rich, our seller finally figured out how Option ARMs work (better late than never, fuck face!) when his payment suddenly exploded into the stratosphere.

So in October 2009 he quickly threw it on the market for a hideously WTF price of $1,395,000--obviously trying to break even and brag to his buddies that he "didn't lose a dime."

Well, tough titties--you ain't breakin' even. And you know it. Hence last week's massive $400,000 price cleave.

For the record, this lotless wonder will easily find a buyer for the current listed price. But, as Anonymous so astutely pointed out, the two lenders (especially the second lien-holder) will never agree to a short sale.

Not in a million years.

So, an approved short sale at $999,900, much like this guy's entire lifestyle, is grand, unadulterated, unicorn-fellating fantasy.

Look, I love fast cars and automatic watches as much as the next dude (there is an inherent materialism built into us Southern Californians--I'll be the first to admit it) but the difference is I CAN ACTUALLY AFFORD THAT SHIT. I don't need to front, because my lifestyle has a big, fat PAID IN FULL stamp on it--I don't pay interest on shit for my indulgences.

I'd much rather live like the Stealthy Wealthy instead of ostentatiously faking my way through life like this dump, perpetually bouncing $45,000 in credit card balances to 0% APR accounts, leasing luxury vehicles and never driving further than San Pedro because I'm "over my miles" (what do you want to bet this shartmuffin has a leased CLS550 in the driveway?) and paying the bare minimum on toxic timebomb Option ARMs for houses it's so painfully obvious I can't afford.

I'd lambaste this loser for teaching his kids horrible life skills and values--that everything can just be put on a credit card--but what the fuck do they care? You'll just put another 150cc Yamaha on a 72-month payment plan and the kids will never question it.

Nor will they question how they became so overwhelmed with ball-crushing debt as adults. Hell, it will never even cross their minds because as the government has made so abundantly clear, someone will always be there to bail them out and ensure they never have to be responsible for living like such unabashed paycheck-to-paycheck $30K-Millionaires.

Hell, given the lack of repercussions for this guy, maybe I'm the one who was brought up with the wrong values?