Tuesday, June 16, 2009

A Face Only a Flipper Could Love

Address: 5571 E Vernon, 90815
Asking Price: $670,000
Year Built: 1952
Size: 7 beds, 5 baths, 3,675 sq. ft.
$/Sq. Ft.: $182
Purchase price: $155,500
Purchase date: 11/2000
MLS#: S568175
On Redfin: 87 days
Down Payment: $134,000
Monthly Payment: $3,900
Income Requirement: $191,000
Description: UPGRADED!! Beautiful two story house, upgrades throughout including granet, hardwood floors and covered patio.

"Granet"? Oh I get it, those "UPGRADED!!" counter tops must be from France.

I mean, what is this place? Ugh, this monstrosity is just about the ugliest house I have ever seen. And although some dough was clearly spent on the interior, it's still not my thing.

I don't know how you guys feel about crown moulding, but I am firmly in the less-is-more category. Otherwise you start applying that crap to staircases:

Next thing you know you're unwittingly applying it to mailboxes and bathtubs.

The worst is when slanted roofs create awkward application and the air conditioning vents are too high on the wall. Then you end up with head-scratchers like this:

And you absolutely must check out the Aerial View of this house. The kitchen is in the emergency lane of the 405.

Remember how I sarcastically suggested this guy should raise the price by $100,000 to lure a seller?

Well today's idiot ACTUALLY DID! In March the original asking price was $575,000, but two months later it was jacked up to $680,000.

What a jackass.

It should be noted that the day after balooning the asking price to a WTF $680,000, he (pointlessly) cut a whopping $10,000 from the asking price. Why bother?

Anyhow, this delusual Long Beach seller, who purchased for $290,000 in 1998, actually believes he deserves $380,000 in profits (not including commissions and however much he spent perpetually adding on to this oddity), which would earn him almost $35,000 per year of ownership!

That's one hard working house!

And even if he gets that ridiculous sum of money, this mulligan of a house will still be a short sale!


So during the course of 11 years, he somehow managed to rack up something like $400,000 in Home Equity Lines of Credit and cash-out refinances? Wow, this is going to get ugly.

Uh, uglier, that is.

And the listing agent sure isn't doing the seller any favors with photos like these:

Uh, you couldn't just move that crap out of the way?

And how about a pic of some of the seven bedrooms? Or how's about a pic of just ONE of the five bathrooms?

Man, as if the asking price and lackluster description weren't bad enough? Have you ever actually sold a house?

Here's my favorite part of the listing:
Listing Price Excludes: All Viking Appliances

Taking your ball and going home, eh?

How the seller can justify that greedtarded price of $670,000 while simultaneously promising to rip out the best feature on eviction day is beyond me. I guess I've once again underestimated the greed-faced delusion of Long Beach sellers.

Great find, Carl!


  1. C'mon El Bee.
    Give this guy a break. This is one of the PRIME spots in all of the LBC to watch planes landing at LGB.
    This is a bargain for a plane nut (or deaf person).

  2. Wow, what a tool! I hope this rots on the market for a year. Maybe the agent secretly wants him to fail hence the lousy effort.

  3. When you go to the link to the house, there is this text in the upper right corner:

    This home is flagged as a short sale. We're sorry, we don't tour or write offers on short sales because of the slim chance that you'll get the home.


  4. Anon,

    That is HILARIOUS! Redfin's getting a little snarky these days.

    But let's face it, short sales are a colossal waste of time. At least Redfin has the balls to say it.

  5. Update to 7131 E Mezzanine Way

    Possibly sold for slighlty below asking ~$610k

  6. That listing agent gets around...he has listings in San Diego to LA to Temecula...

  7. damn, I didn't even check to see where the house was in relation RWY30. I love to watch planes, but I don't know if I would spend $670K for the pleasure. Well, yeah I know, and no i wouldn't spend $670K.

    However, could you even notice the planes after the constant droning of 18 wheelers acorss your back wall.

    Guys and Gals, you are missing one very important feature of this home. When it snows in Long Beach, you can freaking save a ton of dough by just skiing down your roof, instead of driving all the way to Wrightwood or Big Bear and pay those exhorbinant fees.

    Yes, redfin has had that on its short sale listing for a while. I love how it basically don't waste you fucking time with it.

  8. Anon,

    $610K for 1130 sq. ft. on Mezzanine? Dang.

  9. a new one I am going to follow.

    Finally went to Backup Offers after about 520 days on the market. Wonder how much it went for?

    3131 Lama (in El Dorado Park Estates).

  10. commerical real estate,

    You should make an offer!

  11. got this from JtR, about what Geither said today..
    "consideration of what role the government should have in encouraging homeownership and housing policy, he said."

    Hey Timmy!!! I have an idea.. Step the FUCK BACK!!!! Yes, it will be painful and hurt many people in the short term. However, longer term (and I know ALL politicians can not think out beyond 2010) it would do us ALL MUCH more good to have some KNOWN stability in the housing market. We can't keep going around with government in everything. Stop artificially keeping rates LOW (in case you forgot, this was one of the biggest reason why we are where we are now). Spend your time trying to devise ways to prevent this happening again. We are all grown up, even us liberals.

    Thank you,


    had to rant. sorry.