Debtor's Prison

Address: 1392 Grand, 90804
Asking Price: $145,000
Year Built: 1995
Size: 2 beds, 1 baths, 440 sq. ft.(!)
$/Sq. Ft.: $330
Purchase price: $190,000
Purchase date: 3/2004
MLS#: P672669
On Redfin: 130 days
Down Payment: $44,700 (That’s 30%. Sorry, but no bank is going to let you put only 20% down on a place like this)
Monthly Payment: $780
Income Requirement: $42,500
Description: This will be a 'Short Sale' Lein holder must accept the offer. Cozy 2BRs approximately 9x9 each sq.ft. Lovely little remodeled kitchen with appliances: refrigerator, laundy hook-ups, stove & microwave, dishwasher, garbage disposal and new faucet. Tile linoleum floors, carpet in bedrooms and living room. Light & airy with skylight in livingroom. Owner ready to move out of the area. Call Agent to preview anytime, call for an appointment

I just consulted my realtor-to-English translator for “cozy” and found, “Wards of the state prison system have more living space.”

By the way, that’s not a joke.

The average size of a U.S. prison cell is 8’ x 12’. These bedrooms are only 9' x 9'. Yikes!

I mean, the lot dimensions are in the double digits for crying out loud (33' x 30')!

And to complete the prison analogy we have the delightful iron bars on the doors and windows:

Charming!

The good news is that there are in-unit "laundy" hook-ups. The bad news is they are located in the living room:

The only thing crazier than the current asking price for this matchbox is the 2004 purchase price of $200,000. Within the context of the fraudulent appraisals and loose lending we’ve seen in Long Beach, 200k might not seem that egregious but...

COME ON, HAVE YOU SEEN THIS PLACE?!

Do yourself a favor and check the Aerial View on the Redfin link.

Tell me that doesn’t resemble a cell block in Fulsom.

Sorry, but this is tenement housing for the poverty-stricken and nobody, and I repeat, NOBODY will buy this as an owner-occupied unit. This is only for incredibly stupi--ERRR, ambitious landlords looking for investment properties. And none of them would touch it with a ten-foot pole and rubber gloves for this ridiculous asking price.

With a monthly nut of $780? Puh-leeze. There is no way this refrigerator box rents for that much.

Plus, why would they overpay for this thing when they can buy this 2 bed/2 bath apartment, at double the square footage, with two underground parking spots, in a better (I use the word “better” very loosely) area for 100k?

That’s a payment of $550. Assuming the bank lets it go for that price, that will definitely be a cash flow positive property. Whether you’d want to be a landlord there is a different story but the point is, this fool’s Marlboros are filled with crack rocks if he thinks he’s going to get 150k for this exercise in contortionism.