Sunday, June 14, 2009

Dawson's Crock

Address: 531 Dawson Ave, 90814
Asking Price: $349,900
Year Built: 1923
Size: 2 beds, 1 baths, 764 sq. ft.
$/Sq. ft.: $458
Purchase price: $424,658
Purchase date: 7/2008
MLS#: P686838
On Redfin: 34 days
Down Payment: $119,000
Monthly Payment: $3,600
Income Requirement: $170,000
Description: What a gorgeous Craftsman! This property still features the built in cabinetry in the living area! Do not miss out on this opportunity to own a piece of history at an affordable price. This property features and updated bath with tile everywhere, wood flooring, baseboarding, an updated kitchen with what appears to be granite counters, small loft area, laundry hookups and a covered rear porch can be used as a carport. Priced to sell!

I don't know about owning "a piece of history," but this is definitely a piece of something...

From what I've been able to gather, the bank took back this little buddy last July and has been sitting on it ever since. I guess the lender was waiting for the market to "return to normal." Unfortunately, the misguided wager that bubble pricing would return post haste cost them dearly. By the time they got this green machine back on the MLS last month, the economy had already shed millions of jobs and real estate had been pummeled beyond recognition.

In a normal world, the decision-maker who played tricks to put off the day of reckoning would be cashing unemployment checks. In this world, homeboy probably got a promotion.

Anyhow, would you like to see the anatomy of a Bubble?

Dec 27, 1999 - Sold $83,000
Mar 14, 2001 - Sold $159,500 (71.4% appreciation/yr)
Jul 02, 2001 - Sold $171,000 (26.0% appreciation/yr)
Apr 01, 2004 - Sold $356,000 (30.6% appreciation/yr)

Yes, totally normal appreciation based on solid economic fundamentals, uh-huh, yep, nothing to see here, folks!

It looks like the 2004 owner tried to sell in June 2007, but ended up languishing on the market for a year until the bank finally took it back at auction. The weird part is, El Banco Estupido bought it back for $68,658 more than what the '04 owner paid. In 2008!

Que la chinga?

I have a sneaking suspicion the 2004 owner racked up a bunch of cash-out refi and/or HELOC debt (and the bank, believing that "real estate never goes down," gladly lent it to him) to pay for "what appears to be granite counters."

By the way, "what appears to be" should never appear in the description for something costing $350,000. FUCKING FIND OUT, DUMMY!

And speaking of questionable upgrades, this picture really says it all:

Dude, nice two-inch spaces between tiles. Imagine the buckets o' grout needed to fill in those cavernous gaps!

Man, when the agent says, "with tile everywhere," he really means WITH TILE EVERYWHERE.

This place is a wonderland of confusion. For example, are the bedrooms connected?

And why would the agent include a picture of the laundry hookups? Dude, I'll take your word for it. Does this photo really add anything to this listing? Hell, I can't even tell if the hookups are inside our outside.

Or how about this photo highlighting that the property has been tagged by gang-related graffiti:


Speaking of indifferent laziness and retarded sales technique, someone please explain the marketing benefit of these shots:

That third one is especially egregious. Really, dude? You couldn't take .3 seconds to move the mop out of the frame?

I'll never understand realtors. You are salespeople aren't you?

Could you imagine if an Audi dealership ran ads on their website featuring photos of $65,000 cars with fast food wrappers littered in the foot wells, oil rags plopped on the dashboards and empty Pepsi cans in the cup holders? How long do you think those lazy shits would stay in business?


  1. This appears to be a comment, but I am not so sure.

    Wow. This realtard obviously thinks this home won't sell. However, the picture after the ladder picture shows hows nice that "loft" area is.

    I was more impressed with the bathroom upgrade than you were El Bee. I so could try to wash my feet while taking a crap!!! AWESOME!!!!

    And no comments regarding cinder blocks when this guys syas "covered rear porch can be used as a carport". Really? Honestly, I alwys want to use my porch as a freaking car port. Good god, man.

    This P.o.S shouldn't sell for more than $171K, but it will I fear.

    I guess the Prospector is a big draw!!!! (Crap, am I sounding like a lush???)

  2. Three letters - E-W-W

    Spells "eww"!

    I wouldn't live here for free.

    I mean does this place come WITH the bullet-proof vests or without?

    Well on the bright side, you inspire me El Bee, to know that some common sense still exists out there.

    Like with the comment about the mop... lol

  3. oh yeah, and a new 90 day moratorium on foreclosures starts today.

  4. Carl,

    In the CalculatedRisk comments some people said we should declare a moratorium on layoffs, poverty, and global warming while we're at it.

    It would have the same effect on the end result: Fuck all.

  5. I would prefer a year long moratorium on any government action.


  6. ANOTHER moratorium?!?!

    El Bee, I'd like to request you do a blog, or maybe you could comment in detail, on the effects of this NEW moratorium?

    Also Carl, thanks for the info!

    I didn't even know that there was also a STATE housing credit... is this only for NEWLY BUILT homes? I was trying to understand it, and that's what I got so far.

  7. Mike,

    Yes, it is for homes that have NEVER been occupied. I just checked the FTB web site.

    They want to move up the period from the time escrow closes, to when a contract is signed.

    Nice, since we know 100% of signed contracts go all the way through close.

    (btw, the state ONLY allow FAXing of the application to get a date/time stamp on the application.. since, you know, e-mail doesn't have that feature.)

  8. Wow Carl, you know way more than I do on this, seriously.

    I just learned recently about the FED tax credit, that the deal has to be CLOSED by Nov 30th.....

    So I'm fearful of one of those deals, where the escrow takes extra long, cause of the bank!!

    I was kinda hoping they plan to extend the tax credit, and/or increase it!!

    And I see what you're saying about the difference between the time escrow closes and contract being signed, but for reasons above, I'm not really upset about that part.