Thursday, September 10, 2009

The Millennium FAILcon

Yo, is that rooftop dish from the Millennium Falcon?

1041 E Amelia Dr
Long Beach, CA 90807
Price: $899,900
Beds: 4
Baths: 3.5
Sq. Ft.: 3,019
$/Sq. Ft.: $298
Lot Size: 10,880 Sq. Ft.
Year Built: 1951
MLS#: P681979
On Redfin: 384 days
Down Payment: $180,000
Income Requirement: $257,000
Monthly Nut: $5,400
Description: Price reduced another $100,000! Extensively remodeled in 2000, the 4bd, 3.5bath, pool home is an entertainer's dream. Large formal living room with bay window. Formal dining room. Large gourmet kitchen with granite counters, stainless steel appliances, cherrywood cabinets, walk-in pantry with travertine marble floors. Large Great Room with fireplace overlooking salt water pool and spa with pebblecoating and 3 relaxing waterfalls. Master suite as two large walk-in closets and French doors that open to pool area. Master bath has seperate soaking tub and shower with marble double sink vanity. 2 large gallery hallways to exhibit art collection. Home and backyard wired for sound system. Backyard landscaped in Southwest style with drought tolerant plants. Private meditation area with soothing fountain. 4th bedroom is currently used as workout room. 3 car attached garage with seperate work room. Copper plumbing and updated electrical. This home is light,bright, yet very private.

"seperate"? Twice?

The growing trend of realtors misspelling that word is getting out of hand. Oh well, it's only been on the market for 384 days--cut the guy some slack.

And have you noticed that the longer and more flowery the listing description, the more likely the seller is to be languishing on the market?

I mean, this guy seems exceedingly impressed with his house. If you're so goddamn enthralled with the thing, then why are you selling it? Seems to me this "entertainer's dream" (or at least your idea of one) is something you'd want to keep.

I think this place is pretty nice, if a bit overdone.

And in some instances, quite average for a million dollar house.

And speaking of a million bucks, guess what you don't get for that kind of loot?

"Listing Price Excludes: Cat and mouse sculpture in backyard, washer and dryer"

Damn it, if I'm throwing down nearly seven figures I want that fucking cat and mouse sculpture! How dare you.

Photos of the garage always give me a chuckle. It's like including a shot of the toilet or laundry hookups--dude, we believe you! We don't need picture proof.

But the garage shot makes way more sense than a photo of your groceries:


However, regardless of what faults we can find with this spot, you have to admit the pool is flat out AMAZING:

Yes, please.

But is it enough to justify asking $900,000--Oh, sorry...$899,900?

Well, the market has spoken. And the answer thus far has been a resounding, "HELL TO THE NO."

Seems to me this seller, rotting on the market for over a year, needs to visit his "private meditation area" and meditate on maybe, possibly, dropping the price another $100,000. And then another. And another until it sells.

This place was purchased for $290,000 in 1994, and there is no way in holy hell that $550,000 has been put into renovating it. And when you factor in the 15 years of equity, this seller should be in a position to cash in on some substantial bubble profits. So why the heck hasn't he dropped the price to compete with nearby listings and driven off into the sunset with his truckbed full of cash?

Say it with me:


This guy seems to be too impressed with his own taste and preferences, and wholly unable to step back and think objectively about how much pure, unadulterated bubble equity he is losing every week he rots on the market. This is also known as getting high on your own supply.

Believe me, kitty, I know how you feel.

At this price you, that weird sculpture on the counter, and potetial buyers will be forced to look at the awkward way the crown molding meets the cabinet for YEARS. Poor things.

However, readers of the Long Beach Housing Blog (and those perusing the MLS, for that matter), can just write this seller off as yet another delusual Long Beach greedhead, and never have to think about this place again.


  1. I rarely laugh out loud. However, "Believe me, kitty, I know how you feel" got me. And then 10 minutes later, it got me again. Bravo, sir.

  2. Ugh. You think you've got crazy people in SoCa/Long Beach, try the Bay Area. Houses like this one look like absolute bargains by comparison. Take for example what gets listed for over $900K in Cupertino:

    Craptastic 3/2, anyone? Or even better, Mountain View:

    A 3/1 from 1945 positioned as the home of tommorow. "Smart, practical, & efficient." Ugh.

    Anyway. Frankly the fact that the "Cat and Mouse" sculpture isn't coming with the house is the best thing about it. The place looks like it was decorated by Louis Wain in his later years.

  3. Hmm hard to say. Would not have been that far off maybe 6 months ago at this price, but I have the distinct impression that things are starting to seriously implode on higher end properties across SoCal right now.

  4. Owners such as this have NO idea how outlandish their offerings are.

    Heck, I live in Long Beach and no way am I tempted, anywhere near fact, I'm with the others.

    At the price asked....HaHaHaHa.

  5. It needs at least another 200k drop and then they'll find a knife catcher... I like that property, but would not pay over 600k for it given the location... mid to high end sinkhole is about to swallow many a homeowners' pride...

  6. Damn. I wish I could get free access to the loans on this hosue. However, there appears to be no permitted work since 2002. Pool and alarm is circa 2002, and the kitchen et. al. is 1998.

    I love the FAILcon, btw..

  7. Could you feature this house that looks like it is made of Legos?

  8. Anon,

    You're in luck. I already featured that Legoland Leviathan (how could I resist?). Check it and give my your thoughts: