Thursday, September 3, 2009

Landlocked in "The Other" Long Beach

The Caspian Sea is the largest enclosed body of water on the planet. It's said that about 5.5 million years ago, due to geological shifts and other factors, the "sea" became landlocked and essentially became a salt-water lake.

How appropriate that today's property on Caspian Avenue is in such a sketchy area of "The Other" Long Beach (it's practically Compton) and is in such rough shape that is essentially landlocked, i.e. unsellable, in a non-bubble environment. The bank is going to take it in the shorts on this one, but it's pricing as if this house has any redeemable qualities outside of bulldozer practice.

3555 Caspian Ave, 90810
Price: $229,900
Beds: 2
Baths: 1
Sq. Ft.: 832
$/Sq. Ft.: $276
Lot Size: 2,500 Sq. Ft.
Year Built: 1970
MLS#: P700253
On Redfin: 12 days
Down Payment: $46,000
Income Requirement: $66,000
Monthly Nut: $1,300
Description: Truly affordable 2 bedroom home. This property is priced for a quick sale. Opportunity knocks...will you answer the door? This property features tile and carpet flooring, seperate living room and den, updated bath with pedestal sink, updated kitchen with what appear to be newer cabinets and what appear to be granite countertops, and attached 1 car garage. This property has a usable rear yard as well.

So, judging by the photos, you're buying a two-bedroom, one-bath garage. Sweet.

"Opportunity knocks...will you answer the door?" Hell no! Every weekend that opportunity to catch a falling knife is banging on my door--he's worse than the Jehovah's Witnesses!

"and what appear to be granite countertops"? This again? Look, geek--when you're asking hundreds of thousands of dollars for a POS shack, take the fucking time to figure out what you're selling. I mean, don't you think granite countertops would be a plus? Maybe something worth confirming?

That's like saying, "...and what appears to be a swimming pool." It either is or it isn't.

And "seperate"? There seems to be a growing trend of realtors misspelling this word. Maybe the NAR has enough pull to convince Webster's to change the spelling and make me look like the illiterate one.

If you can believe it, near the peak this dilapidated petri dish sold for $380,000. $457 per square foot? ZOINKS!

Aug 21, 2009 - Listed $229,900
Jul 13, 2009 - Sold $136,000
Mar 23, 2006 - Sold $380,000
Jul 12, 2001 - Sold $135,000
Jun 12, 2001 - Sold $100,100
Jan 12, 1990 - Sold $1,000

Then the bank took it back this July for $136,000 (Weird. That would indicate the former loanowners had several hundred thousand dollars in equity/down payment. Or maybe a second mortgage?). Now the lender, who couldn't be bothered to make this shithole presentable, is getting cocky and demanding a $96,000 profit. You're going to need a golden horseshoe up your rectum to pull that one off, pal.

You see, the listing agent claims $229,900 is "truly affordable," but by what measure? Definitely not price per square foot:

And certainly not recently sold comps:

$174,250 3557 Caspian Ave Sold on Jun 16, 2009
0 miles 2 bd / 1 ba 832 Sq. Ft.

$200,000 3521 Baltic Ave Sold on Jun 26, 2009
0.06 miles 3 bd / 2 ba 960 Sq. Ft.

$130,000 3568 Denver Ave Sold on Jun 30, 2009
0.08 miles 2 bd / 1 ba 708 Sq. Ft.

$129,000 3608 Denver Ave Sold on Jul 31, 2009
0.09 miles 2 bd / 1 ba 836 Sq. Ft.

$481,676 3612 Denver Ave Sold on Jul 07, 2009
0.1 miles 1 bd / 1 ba 720 Sq. Ft.

$150,000 3625 Delta Ave Sold on Jun 24, 2009
0.13 miles 1 bd / 1 ba 634 Sq. Ft.

$160,000 1801 W Arlington St Sold on Jun 30, 2009
0.23 miles 3 bd / 2 ba 874 Sq. Ft.

$205,000 1747 W Cameron St Sold on Jun 19, 2009
0.28 miles 2 bd / 1 ba 659 Sq. Ft.

How the hell did the lender figure $229,900 for this turdpile is "priced for a quick sale"?

Have they even looked at an overhead map? It actually looks like a decent little street looking at Street View, but you clearly are not concerned with your personal and property safety if you buy in this area of LB. And you aren't terribly concerned about your family's health if you purchase so close to power lines. And then there's the interior:

Uf da! Get me a Swine Flu mask!

You might point out that some people don't have many options financially and a $1,300 monthly payment is all they can afford. That's true, but wouldn't they be better off renting a nice, big, clean condo in a much safer neighborhood? $1,300 can get you a lot in LB these days, and in very decent areas. And they wouldn't need to worry about losing equity as the market for these undesirable digs gets absolutely crushed in the coming months and years.

In other words, $230,000--ERRRR...sorry: $229,900--is a total, unabashed rip-off and the only thing this is priced for is a good ol' fashioned rot session on the MLS.


  1. ***BOOM*** Delisted, or should I say "it appears to be delisted"... Probably detected that the listed was picked up here... :)


    I don't think I'd pay 1990 prices for this neighborhood. I wouldn't even want to be a landlord on the west side of the 710.

    Ownit Mortgage Services owns this bad boy now.

    (BTW, PropertyShark has this crackhouse's estimated value at $179,252 based off of median ppsf sales).

  2. lol at Carl set trippin...

    20s on mines tho.

    In a Steeler's hat, inside Long Beach - like that?

    Now what would you do, if you could purchase a house for my crew..........

  3. 3612 Denver Ave sold for $481,676. A house on the Westside sold for almost half a million. Seriously? WTF?

  4. That's right Mike, I am goin' straight up Gangsta' G!!!!

    Anon, Aurora Loan Services bought it, so it is an REO. DAMN though, I was bought for $357K in 2005, and foreclosed for $481,676. That lucky MEW Homeowner was able to extract over $100K in 2 years (since the house was listed in 2007).

  5. Geez....I cringe when I have to *drive* through that area.
    Buying a house there would be suicide for a fat old white guy like me!

  6. Oh pleeze, my nizzles...
    "We got high on every street in Long Beach..."
    Seemingly right before you signed those mortgage papers-