Don't Stop Believin'

1230 E Ocean Blvd #103, CA 90802
Price: $1,150,000
Beds: 2
Baths: 2
Sq. Ft.: 1,264
$/Sq. Ft.: $910
Year Built: 1985
MLS#: S523506
Source: SoCalMLS
Status: Active
On Redfin: 564 days
HOA: $416
Down Payment: $230,000
Income Requirement: $329,000
Monthly Nut: $7,100
Description: Live at the beach! Listen to the surf! Enjoy this corner unit with a front on ocean view at sand level. Appealing upgrades include hardwood flooring throughout, gas/wood burning F.P., plantation shutters, recessed lighting & French doors. Innovative open wall spaces in kit. with granite counters, stainless steel appliances & cherry wood cab. Clever use of mirrors, updated baths with pedestal sinks, jacuzzi tub & sep glassed-in shower. Direct beach access from L-shaped balcony.

"Live at the beach! Listen to the surf!"

Die in a fire!

$910 per square foot? How's that working out for you? Oh, 564 days rotting on the MLS? You don't say.

By the way, the only reason to employ "clever use of mirrors" is to distract from how tiny your house is. So, um, very clever!

You know what else is clever? Using your kitchen as a photography darkroom:

You know what else is clever? Using the kitchen's leftover granite for a table:

You know what else is clever? Leaving your bathroom untouched since 1985 and asking $1.15 million dollars for it:

I mean, does this look like a million dollar house to you? My gorilla scoffs at you.

One look at the photos and the pricing history and it's abundantly clear we're dealing with an equity-rich nutjob:

Sep 02, 2009 Relisted
Sep 02, 2009 - Delisted
Mar 02, 2009 - Relisted
Mar 02, 2009 - Delisted
Aug 29, 2008 - Price Changed $1,150,000
Mar 01, 2008 - Listed $1,099,900
Feb 27, 2008 - Delisted
Sep 27, 2007 - Price Changed
Jun 02, 2007 - Price Changed
Apr 28, 2007 - Price Changed
Apr 26, 2007 - Price Changed
Mar 03, 2007 - Listed
Feb 01, 2007 - Delisted
Aug 04, 2006 - Listed
Apr 13, 1990 - Sold $342,000

What a moonbat!

Although the listing says 564 days on the market, it's actually been for sale since August 2006! Well over 1,100 days with no sale!

1,100 DAYS!

Sweet Jesus! I wish I had a bigger, redder font!

How do people that are so obviously out of their fucking minds function in modern society?

Are they dumbstruck by the awesome, complicated madness of stop signs?

Confounded by the majestic beauty of binder clips?

Yeah, yeah...it's not cool to make fun of retarded people, I know. But come on, this person is in serious need of an intervention. And remedial math. I feel like it's my civic duty to drive over there and deliver the hard slap of reality.

Look at the recently completed sales in the building:

$355,500 1230 E Ocean Blvd Unit 605 Sold on Jul 08, 2009
0 miles 2 bd / 2 ba 1,330 Sq. Ft.

$217,611 1250 E Ocean Blvd Apt 406 Sold on Jun 02, 2009
0.02 miles 2 bd / 2 ba 1,103 Sq. Ft.

These two comps are on higher floors (meaning no direct beach access) and might not have this ocean view--but can you honestly tell me with a straight face this unit's location is worth an extra $800,000? Really?

Some comps in nearby buildings are a bit more expensive than those two, but still substantially undercut that laughable $1,150,000 asking price. Take a look at these sales...

$747,000 21 7th Pl Apt 208 Sold on Jun 11, 2009
0.02 miles 2 bd / 2 ba 1,355 Sq. Ft.

$539,000 1310 E Ocean Blvd Unit 1501 Sold on Apr 30, 2009
0.06 miles 1 bd / 2 ba 1,290 Sq. Ft.

$437,000 1400 E Ocean Blvd Unit 2105 Sold on Jul 02, 2009
0.11 miles 3 bd / 2 ba 1,310 Sq. Ft.

$668,000 1400 E Ocean Blvd Unit 2208 Sold on Jul 21, 2009
0.11 miles 3 bd / 2 ba 1,293 Sq. Ft.

$355,000 1334 E 1st St Apt 1 Sold on Aug 05, 2009
0.14 miles 2 bd / 2 ba 1,030 Sq. Ft.

$610,000 1415 E Ocean Blvd Apt 202 Sold on Jun 01, 2009
0.14 miles 2 bd / 2 ba 1,256 Sq. Ft.

$625,000 1500 E Ocean Blvd Unit 512 Sold on Aug 31, 2009
0.16 miles 3 bd / 2 ba 1,455 Sq. Ft.

$459,300 1500 E Ocean Blvd Unit 614 Sold on Apr 09, 2009
0.16 miles 3 bd / 2 ba 1,326 Sq. Ft.

...and tell me this Long Beach seller is of sound mind. It's all very sad, really.