Nutjob in Naples

Morekaos over on the Irvine Housing Blog Forums reminded me of this resilient (read: wholly delusional) Naples seller:


Dude, the front of this house looks like Clifford's dick.



Address: 169 Angelo Walk, 90803
Asking Price: $995,000
Year Built: 1984
Size: 3 beds, 3 baths, 2,103 sq. ft.
$/Sq. Ft.: $473
Purchase price: $997,000
Purchase date: 6/2004
MLS#: P593707
On Redfin: 900 days
Down Payment: $200,000
Monthly Payment: $6,000
Income Requirement: $285,000
Description: This custom built home has it all.Great open floorplan, w/spacious gourmet kitchen w/food preparation island,surrounded by French doors opening to a secluded brick courtyard,which is centrally located for great entertaining and dining.There is casual dining off the kitchen area, Formal Living room with fireplace and custom bookshelves. Oversized Master bedroom complete with fireplace, sitting area, balcony and spacious master bath adjacent with large tub.Excellent Naples location, close to Bay!

That description, although free of spelling errors, is riddled with idiotic capitalization and horrific punctuation. You would think after 900 days (yes, you read that correctly: two-and-a-half fucking years rotting on the market) the realtor would fix that. For the record, the listing says "696 days" but it's been begging on the MLS since January 2007.

The asking price of $995,000 (which has remained unchanged since February of this year--aggressive!) represents a $2,000 discount from the 2004 purchase price. But but but, I thought Naples was immune!

Uh, buddy? I think it might take just a little bit more of a price cut to sell. That's just a hunch.

This home has done the List/Delist/Relist mambo seven times. You can just picture each relisting representing an agent losing his job for suggesting a price reduction.

And speaking of greedtarded sellers and their incompetent and/or sycophantic realtors, the price was reduced once in the entire year of 2008. ONCE! Now that's some clever salesmanship!

I have no idea what this thing initially listed for in '07, but it doesn't take a Nobel Prize-winning economist to figure out it was way too much. And after that WTF price, this attempted transaction became a painful lesson about the perils of sticking to wishing prices during a horrific housing decline.

Just think: If this genius had been realistic about what his house "deserved" to get from the outset, he could be rid of this albatross and might have even squeezed out a profit after commissions!

Instead, 2.5 years later the bullheaded seller is looking at a -$61,000 loss. And that loss is assuming a seller, after six months of zero interest at this non-starter of an asking price, suddenly parachutes in from his Lear jet and decides $995,000 is a fair price for a narrow-ass house with a big brick dick hanging off the front.

And what's up with the kitchen? Not only does it look really cramped (no overhead microwave on a million dollar house?), but check out the oven:

Looks to me like that's the same one that was installed in the early 80s. Either that or Viking just released a super high-end retro line.

What a joke.

It's worth noting that during the last six months, only three homes have sold in this neighborhood, and only one went for more than a million bucks--and it had two more bedrooms, an extra bathroom, more square footage, and was only 200 feet from the water!

Some people will never learn. They clearly are in no hurry to move, so they might as well hang on to it and ride out the housing bust. Because unless they're willing to get realistic about their price and admit that a sale will mean a massive financial loss, they're just clogging up the MLS and wasting everyone's time.