Friday, July 31, 2009

No View and No Clue

We're surrounded by idiots. I'm convinced.

1500 E Ocean Blvd #512, 90802
Price: $625,000
Beds: 3
Baths: 2
Sq. Ft.: 1,455
$/Sq. Ft.: $430
HOA: $473
Year Built: 2000
Down Payment: $125,000
Monthly Payment: $3,800
Income Requirement: $180,000
On Redfin: 2 years, 4 months (listing says 52 days)
Description: The condo and the complex are instantly appealling... The condo is light and bright with wonderful ocean breezes coming from 2 balconies. Beautiful walnut wood floors and newer carpet in the bedrooms. The complex has direct beach access, 2 side by side parking spaces, pool, spa, clubhouse, gym plus incredible sundeck overlooking the Ocean and Queen Mary. Partial Ocean Views. Pet Friendly!!

"Appealling"? More like "failling."

Isn't it strange seeing cheap-ass white kitchen tiles in a place built so recently?

That's some bush league builder-grade shit right there. And to have the ovaries to ask $430 per square foot for that? Wow.

Want to see the anatomy of a bubble? I thought you might.

Jun 28, 2006 - Sold $845,000 (+10.4%/yr)
Jul 28, 2004 - Sold $699,000 (+27.5%/yr)
Mar 27, 2003 - Sold $505,000

Amazing. The 2003 seller is my hero, banking more than $150,000 in just 16 months!

And the 2004 buyer held for two years of pure bubble enjoyment then skipped town with $95,000 in profit and avoided the vicious devastation of the next few years.

Shrewd, my brotha. Shrewd.

Our seller wasn't so lucky. She paid uncomfortably close to a million dollars for this meh-partment right at the peak of the bubble. It only took her a year before she either tried to make her flipping dreams come true or saw the writing on the Excel sheet and put it on the market.

And its been sitting, collecting cobwebs ever since.

This apartment, with no ocean view (oh, it has a "partial" view? Prove it), has been for sale since Spring 2007! That's right, folks. As much as I love Redfin, it takes some digging to discover how long many Long Beach properties have TRULY been languishing on the MLS. If not for the little delist/relist game that realtors like to play, you might actually believe it's a somewhat healthy market out there.

It's not.

One look at this psilocybin-fueled song and dance reveals why:

Jul 28, 2009 - Price Changed $625,000
Jul 28, 2009 - Relisted
Jun 07, 2009 - Listed
Apr 20, 2009 - Delisted
Apr 19, 2009 - Relisted
Apr 18, 2009 - Delisted
Mar 12, 2009 - Listed
Jan 02, 2009 - Delisted
Dec 21, 2008 - Price Changed
Dec 12, 2008 - Relisted
Dec 11, 2008 - Delisted
Nov 04, 2008 - Price Changed
Sep 30, 2008 - Price Changed
Sep 03, 2008 - Listed
Aug 06, 2008 - Delisted
Jul 09, 2008 - Price Changed
Mar 27, 2008 - Price Changed
Feb 28, 2008 - Price Changed
Jan 29, 2008 - Price Changed
Oct 08, 2007 - Price Changed
Sep 05, 2007 - Listed
Aug 24, 2007 - Delisted
Aug 01, 2007 - Price Changed
Jul 08, 2007 - Price Changed
Jun 21, 2007 - Price Changed
Jun 18, 2007 - Price Changed
Jun 14, 2007 - Price Changed
May 13, 2007 - Price Changed
Apr 02, 2007 - Listed

For every seller who prices reasonably and finds a buyer within days, there must be 200 greedtarded a-holes like this out there gumming up the system.

The funniest part is just a few days ago the condo was "Contingent" at $557,750, but it suddenly became "Active" again--this time with a nearly 15% price increase! LOL! Let me get this straight: After years of begging on the MLS you finally find a miracle buyer--who promptly falls out of escrow. So to lure new Greater Fools you jack up the price? Yeah, now they'll really be ringing the buzzer nonstop trying to make an offer.

Outstanding, ma'am. Outstanding.

And part of the reason it's been hopelessly adrift for so long can surely be attributed to the short sale status. I have no idea how long it's been a SS (I'll bet you anything that in 2007 this dingbat listed for a WTF price to cover commissions and walk with some "much-deserved" bubble profits. Call it a hunch. Then the market chasing began, and with every price cut the gnawing fear that this would not only be a short sale, but a catastrophic squat sale, set in a little deeper), but it's reasonable to assume lender bungling has caused some significant delays.

And just how squat is this squat sale? Assuming the bank approves $625,000 (not likely, considering $557,750 didn't stick) and they find someone dumb fucking stupid enough to pay that and the $430 monthly HOA fine (about as likely as GM selling a flying station wagon this September), the loss will be in the neighborhood of -$257,500.

Um. Ouch.

And, boy, I hope that unicorn-riding buyer doesn't figure out that the last 3-bedroom to sell in this building went for $459,300 four months ago.

Anyhow, the point of this post is, lest you think logic and reasonable pricing is returning to Long Beach en mass, there is strong evidence that delusual (delusional + "the usual") thinking is alive and kicking. Let's hope its days are numbered.


  1. thanks El Bee, you start the week off on a positive and slowly but surely rip our hearts out by Friday!!!

    Why man, why???????

  2. dude, i stumbled upon your site via calculated risk's link. you are hilarious, awesome writing - keep it up. i was cracking up from the first paragraphy...