It's Hard out Here for a Flip

I'm still scratching my head on this one.



Reader Carl sent in this property. Uh, thanks?

Because now I have a monstrous, pulsating headache, like I just spent the last 14 hours contemplating the implications of the dual resonance model in an ever-expanding universe. I mean, how am I supposed to have faith in this closed-form solution to non-linear finite-energy sum rules relating s- and t- channels if points in the universe are constantly moving away from each other, you know?

Ow. Head.

Anyhow, this is why this property is so difficult to figure out:

Mar 27, 2009 Listed $649,900
Nov 12, 2008 Sold $390,000
Sep 08, 2008 Sold $400,500

First, what the hell happened between September 8, 2008 and November 12? Two months and you eat $10,500 plus another $24,000 in commissions? Why did they want to get rid of it so badly? Does liquid asbestos come out of the faucets?

Second, take a look at that asking price compared to the last sales price. WTF?

With an exterior that ugly (the entire outside of the house looks like Austin Powers' teeth), you got a brass pair on you, pal.

A quick glance at the interior photos and you quickly see this thing has been staged within an inch of its life. Although I appreciate the effort (a smidgen of effort seems to be too much to ask of most Long Beach sellers these days), someone seems a little too proud of their staging accomplishments. Look at the focal point of some of these photos:









Uh. Nice pics of rented furniture?

Here are the numbers:

Address: 6564 E Brittain, 90808
Asking Price: $649,900
Year Built: 1953
Size: 3 beds, 3 baths, 1608 sq. ft.
$/Sq. Ft.: $404
Purchase price: $390,000
Purchase date: 11/2008
MLS#: P681424
On Redfin: 6 days
Down Payment: $130,000
Monthly Payment: $3,400
Income Requirement: $185,000
Description: This Absolutely Stunning Carson Park Retreat is over 1,600 sq.ft. and features an open spacious floorplan, 3 Bedrooms + Den/Office + 3 Bathrooms. It is beautifully appointed throughout with recessed lighting, African Walnut Floors, rich cherry wood cabinetry, gorgeous granite countertops and exquisite carrera marble in all three bathrooms. The gourmet kitchen boasts a large breakfast bar, stainless steel appliances, expansive counter space & lots of storage. The den opens up onto a gorgeous Trex Deck and beautifully landscaped backyard. The Private Master Suite features a large bedroom, dual walk-in shower & a large walk-in closet! One of secondary bedrooms also has it's own private bathroom. YOU'VE GOT TO SEE THIS ONE!

Minor typos, but otherwise a pretty informative description. But trying to figure out how this flipper convinced him/herself that "African Walnut Floors" and a little granite is worth a $260,000 premium is even more confounding. Hey buddy, it's only 1,600 square feet--how much wood and marble could there be?!

And then we have the comps:

$450,000 3525 Monogram Ave Sold on Feb 24, 2009
0.27 miles 3 bd / 2 ba 1,544 Sq. Ft.

$451,500 3515 Josie Ave Sold on Dec 31, 2008
0.28 miles 5 bd / 2 ba 1,966 Sq. Ft.

$270,000 3457 Monogram Ave Sold on Feb 13, 2009
0.33 miles 3 bd / 2 ba 1,640 Sq. Ft.

$490,000 3973 Knoxville Ave Sold on Dec 24, 2008
0.33 miles 3 bd / 2 ba 1,512 Sq. Ft.

$525,000 3451 Monogram Ave Sold on Oct 29, 2008
0.34 miles 3 bd / 2 ba 1,746 Sq. Ft.

$302,000 3553 Conquista Ave Sold on Feb 27, 2009
0.37 miles 3 bd / 2 ba 1,369 Sq. Ft.

$435,000 3546 Canehill Ave Sold on Feb 18, 2009
0.41 miles 2 bd / 2 ba 1,544 Sq. Ft.

$460,000 6139 E Carita St Sold on Mar 06, 2009
0.41 miles 3 bd / 2 ba 1,367 Sq. Ft.

$422,000 3946 N Studebaker Rd Sold on Nov 24, 2008
0.42 miles 3 bd / 2 ba 1,682 Sq. Ft.

$435,000 3568 Lees Ave Sold on Nov 18, 2008
0.42 miles 2 bd / 2 ba 1,802 Sq. Ft.

Range:
$270,000 - $525,000

Average:
$264/Sq. Ft.

This home at $264/Sq. Ft.: $424,769

And you've got the balls to ask $404 per square?! Uggggggggh. Now my head feels like I just spent the last four days in a labyrinth trying to figure out how they sold four million Snuggies! FOUR MILLION!

IT'S A BACKWARDS BATHROBE FOR FUCK'S SAKE!