Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Greedface Killa

Address: 2105 E Ocean Blvd, 90803
Asking Price: $599,900
Year Built: 1957
Size: 2 beds, 2 baths, 1,459 sq. ft.
$/Sq. Ft.: $411
Purchase price: $485,000
Purchase date: 4/2004
MLS#: P672134
On Redfin: 78 days
Down Payment: $120,000
Monthly Payment: $3,500
Income Requirement: $171,000
Description: Enjoy panoramic views of the Ocean, City & Bluff Park from the comfort of your living room, dining room and balconies. Rare top floor, corner unit with abundant windows making it light and airy. The foyer, original oak hardwood floors, crown molding and period tile are a few of the features creating the ambiance of gracious living. Both bedrooms are spacious and feature a full wall of closets and upper storage cabinets to maximize organization. West bedroom boasts access to a twenty foot balcony with incredible ocean and park views. The kitchen features ceramic tile counters, marble flooring, Jenn-Air oven and a generous breakfast room. Stroll along the beach, bike to Shoreline Village or famous Second Street with its' eclectic restaurants and boutiques. Enjoy the adjacent Art Museum's collection or ocean view cafe. The options are endless. Choose the inspirational, relaxing, beach lifestyle with the flexibility of living in a vibrant international city.

$599,900? What a greedy little twit.

If this fool was in the Wu Tang Clan, his moniker would be Greedface Killa.

If this dummy was a deceased dictator, he'd be Saddumb Hussein.

If this person was a classic literary figure, he would be Fuckleberry Finn.

It's one thing to have balls big enough to ask 2005 prices while the trend in Long Beach, even for stellar properties, is inarguably 2004 and 2003 prices.

But this seller is priced at 2009 prices--AS IF THE HOUSING BUBBLE NEVER POPPED!

For his troubles, this misguided kook believes this oddly-decorated apartment with AN ORIGINAL-ISSUE KITCHEN appreciated an astounding$114,900 since his purchase five years ago--despite the last two-and-a-half of those five years being marked by the worst, most catatrophic housing crash in the known history of man.

You. must. be. joking.

I give the listing agent credit for the well-written description, but it doesn't matter because this place is insanely overpriced. This agent owes a duty to slap some sense into the seller.

I mean, $411 per square foot? Obviously they haven't seen this chart at the bottom of their own listing highlighting the average $/sqft of sold homes in the area:

Slight oversight there.

"But El Bee, this is footsteps from the ocean and is surely different than the rest of Long Beach!"

You'd better tell that to all the nearby sellers because it appears they're cheating themselves out of stacks of dough:

$339,900 2121 E 1st St #307
0.07 miles2 bd / 2 ba 1,264 Sq. Ft.

$395,000 2131 E 1st St #304
0.08 miles2 bd / 2 ba 1,451 Sq. Ft.

$349,500 2100 E 2nd St #505
0.11 miles2 bd / 2 ba 1,132 Sq. Ft.

$432,500 2100 E 2nd St #305
0.11 miles2 bd / 2 ba 1,132 Sq. Ft.

$409,900 2100 E 2ND St #301
0.11 miles2 bd / 2 ba 1,109 Sq. Ft.

$339,000 2101 E 2nd St #201
0.15 miles2 bd / 2 ba 1,118 Sq. Ft.

$374,900 2302 E 2nd St Unit 3f
0.15 miles2 bd / 2 ba 1,242 Sq. Ft.


Even assuming beach-adjacent properties are holding up better than less desirable areas (we just saw a 1990 rollback), there's no way this thing, in this original condition, is worth a sheckel more than the 2004 price of $485,000. And even that was overpriced back then!

Hell, even the reliably retarded is valuing this place $100,000 less than the asking price! When the hilariously overly-optimistic Zillow won't even sign on to your deluded asking price, you're truly neck-deep in the shit.

Given the relatively low HOA, spacious layout, proximity to the beach, and the rarity of a unit in this building coming onto market, this thing would sell quite quickly if the seller wasn't a dollar-chasing charter member of LB's Eternally Deluded. If he acted quickly, the loss after commissions might not even be that bad.

Oh well. I would say "have fun chasing the market down" but given your failure to lower price since February, it's pretty clear that you're expecting a Spring Rally(tm) to prevent you from having to sacrifice even one precious dime of the bubble profits you're so clearly entitled to--never mind that the bubble burst long ago.


  1. ...and knowing, there is a parking space for an automobile (possibly an additional safe corner for the bicycle), this condo is a smart and wise investment. Only 0.6 Million? It's a bargain. Buy two, and get the second parking space free.


  2. wow, this will be a fun one to watch on the way down . . . .