Thursday, March 12, 2009

ur doin it wrong

Someone’s been snorting too much Kool-Aid Kocaine.

Address: 535 Grand Ave, 90814
Asking Price: $474,000
Year Built: 1920
Size: 1 beds, 1 baths, 624 sq. ft.
$/Sq. Ft.: $760
Purchase price: N/A
Purchase date: N/A
MLS#: P662564
On Redfin: 132 days
Down Payment: $95,000
Monthly Payment: $2,600
Income Requirement: $135,000
Description: Charming 1 bedroom, 1 bath California Bungalow in fantastic Belmont Heights corner location. Great opportunity to own a single family residence in prestigous Belmont Heights for around the price of a condo. Close to the ocean, shopping, restaraunts and transportation.

“Single family residence”? Is that a joke? It’s a 624 square foot 1 bed/1 bath, you dolt!



The most astounding aspect of this property is the $760 per square foot asking price. Really? With a straight face? You do realize there isn't a 50-foot boat slip behind it, right?

This is a probate sale and the vultures--ERRR, next of kin are obviously trying to cash in. You pathetic, greed-faced mongrels. Seriously, you should be ashamed of yourselves.

And the listing agent should feel embarrassed too. Way to play to just about every negative realtor stereotype: Oblivious to market realities, quasi-literate, and greedy to the core.

This listing just makes me terribly sad.

Even if the price was CUT IN HALF, I have serious doubts a buyer for this ominously ordinary octogenarian could be sussed out.

Assuming a single person (let’s dispense with this “single family” horseshit) earned the $135,000 required to reasonably afford this house and had a $95,000 down payment handy…does anyone honestly believe this is where that lawyer or doctor would choose to live?

Especially if he or she could rent a similar home, in a better neighborhood, for $1,000 less per month?

$1450 / 1br - House in Beautiful Belmont Heights

Your own house in excellent neighborhood
Secluded yard
Garage with washer dryer hook-up and storage
Parking space in driveway with plenty of parking on the street
Quiet neighborhood
1 bath
Water, Trash, Gardener paid
Walk to Belmont Shore shopping and dining
Blocks to quaint neighborhood market/deli

305 Prospect at 3rd


This is sheer lunacy.

I’m dying to understand what is going through the minds of these greedy shysters after 132 days with absolutely no interest. Honestly, do you think ANYONE has actually come to take a look at it since it’s been on the market? I very seriously doubt it.

UPDATE: The asking price is now $449,000, clocking in at $720 per square. Commence bidding war!

UPDATE II: As reader Carl pointed out, I didn't even list the nearby comps! What was I thinking? Here are the most recent nearby sales:

$190,000 3209 E 15th St Sold on Jan 29, 2009
0.94 miles 1 bd / 1 ba 726 Sq. Ft.

$182,400 411 Coronado Ave Sold on Dec 11, 2008
0.33 miles 1 bd / 1 ba 737 Sq. Ft.

$160,000 1114 Loma Ave Sold on Dec 19, 2008
0.55 miles 2 bd / 1 ba 576 Sq. Ft.

$375,000 3524 E Vista St Sold on Nov 26, 2008
0.52 miles 1 bd / 1 ba 648 Sq. Ft.

$314,000 1411 Termino Ave Sold on Oct 09, 2008
0.83 miles 1 bd / 1 ba 633 Sq. Ft.

$229,000 1343 Termino Ave Sold on Oct 02, 2008
0.73 miles 1 bd / 1 ba 560 Sq. Ft.

$285,000 3815 E Wehrle St Sold on Oct 02, 2008
0.76 miles 2 bd / 1 ba 700 Sq. Ft.

Please note that even the crazy ass $314,000 and $375,000 comps (from last fall) are still $200,000 LESS than our featured delusional seller. Best of luck with that!

1 comment:

  1. RE,

    oh holy shit!!!!!

    No mention of the redfin comps? Nearby similar sales clock in at $336/sq.ft, making this house about $209,920.

    This fucker better be sitting on a pool of oil AND natural gas.

    maybe Long Beach is immune from the housing crash? HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA