Long Beach Housing Blog's 400th Post!

Actually, RE in the LBC's 400th post was last Thursday but I lost track amidst all of the travel. Either way, 400 posts is a massive milestone, an achievement I'm very proud of. That big, solid number provides some perspective as far as the time, effort, discipline, and commitment put into this blog over the last two years.

And the insight, humor, and loyalty my dear readers -- the reason I comb through the MLS each week looking for gems (rare), examples of greed run amok (quite common), and sheer delusion (absolutely everywhere) -- have shown me as well. For me it's been a great creative outlet and educational as well -- I hope you feel the same. Thank you for stopping by, and especially thank you for commenting and sending in new finds.

But I have to be perfectly honest and say I seriously doubt this blog will make it to 500 posts. It's a time constraint thing, and it's also a real-life-getting-in-the-way thing. As I'm sure you've noticed, things have been steadily slowing down. It's a combination of dwindling passion for the topic, competing writing projects, and just plain frustration.

I mean, in some ways getting so worked up about the concerted efforts to prevent house prices from returning to affordable levels for hardworking families and individuals is like pissing in the wind. It's funny to highlight and castigate the rampant avarice and utter disdain for critical thinking out there, but ultimately, if you really think about it, the whole situation is just sad.

I mean, nothing has changed. Name one new regulation or law (or evidence of current laws even being enforced) that will prevent another financial crisis just like the one we've suffered through the last few years.

Exactly.

So what am I railing against then? Pervasive greed? It's never going anywhere. Widespread fraud, lies, and criminality of the elite and well-connected? Besides Madoff, I haven't seen any perp-walks. Shitty, insanely overpriced houses that require families to stretch unrealistically and spend 40, 50, or 60% of their take-home income? People are out there buying these properties every single day.

With that said, I'm not shutting down the blog anytime soon. I still want to be a source of good information, perspective, and, of course, humor. It's just that I can see ending credits just over the horizon and this a good opportunity to acknowledge everyone who has made this such a great ride so far.

So, here is RE in the LBC's 404th post featuring The Jackass of Month, possibly of the year. I hope you enjoy it. Thanks to Dfret for sending this one in.

61 THE COLONNADE, CA 90803
Wishing Price: $999,000
Beds: 2
Baths: 1
Sq. Ft.: 777
$/Sq. Ft.: $1,286
Lot Size: 2,000 Sq. Ft.
Year Built: 1946
Community: Belmont Shore/Park/Naples/Marina Pacific/Bay Harbor
MLS#: R1001219
On Redfin: 21 days
Down Payment: $200,000
Income Requirement: $285,000
Monthly Nut: $5,700 (6% Jumbo)
Descritpion: LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION 2 BEDROOM DOLL HOUSE RIGHT ON THE CORNER OF THE COLONNADE AND THE TOLEDO. FANTASTIC VIEW OF THE BAY AND THE COLONNADE FOUNTAIN OFF THE QUAINT FRONT PORCH. Custom amenities include, custom Plantation Shutters(living room and master Bdr. ) Remodled Bathroom (Marble and Travertine. Custom hardwood floors. Antique Brass Bartop off custom kitchen, with transparent stained oak cabinetry, Jenn-air built in range, new sharp microwave, new built-in U-line refrig. Custom stained glass front door. Garage multi-purpose room, drywalled, insulation, paint, carpet, new laundry & storage. Self contained for office or multi-purpose use. New lighting and door opener. STANDARD SALE

"Remodled"? In a million dollar listing? Good lord.

Here we have an old-timer, stuffed to the gills with long-time-owner equity, taking his shot at the American Dream(tm) of avarice, ignorance, and all-out, unbridled, greed-faced dumbfuckery.

This shitheel actually believes he's entitled to $1,286 per dilapidated, woefully outdated square foot.

$1,286!

How are the summers on planet Freebase?

It appears as if the "LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION" has gotten to this misguided seller's (empty) head. A million clams for this dust bin?! I mean, just look at this kitchen:



And is this location, on the corner of a busy traffic circle, really that prime?

This seller clearly has their medical marijuana card (Glaucoma, you see), because despite bragging about the "remodled" bathroom in the description, they neglected to include a photo of what I imagine would be the only thing keeping the house from being a complete tear-down. If that bathroom was so impressive, it seems to me you would have included a photo in place of one of those six shots of the porch.

Instead we get these beauties:


Can't you just smell the Werther's Originals?

I have a hard time believing this is what people in the market for $1,000,000 homes had in mind.

The property taxes for 2009 were a paltry $1,697, based on a valuation of $157,345. Which makes me wonder: Why sell and eliminate your Prop 13 golden goose? Why not just pass it on to family and keep that massive taxpayer-subsidized pony in the stable?

This doesn't appear to be a probate sale (although the pricing sure is indicative of scumbag next of kin trying to get rich off of Grandma's demise), so it really doesn't make sense. The land value alone makes this a multi-generational keeper.

But the reason for selling doesn't matter because this place will never fucking sell for this ridiculous, fundamentally greedtarded asking price. It will never happen.

Where does this pricing strategy (namely, the decision to be the second most expensive listing on a price-per-square-foot basis in the entire city of Long Beach) even come from?

The most expensive rentals in Naples and Belmont Shore are in the $2,500 - $2,700 range -- half the monthly nut of owning this dump. Fundamentals, anyone?

Furthermore, the biggest sale in Naples during the last six months was for $650,000 and it was nicer, more spacious, on a bigger lot, and about 200 feet from the water.

Oh, it gets even more nonsensical.

Because apparently their genius realtor is the only one in the business without access to the MLS. If he had it, he would know there is a competing house literally 60 yards away that's twice as big, and twenty times as nice, asking $995,000:

Absolutely everything has been re-done or upgraded. Just check out this second-story deck:

Now that's a million dollar listing!

So, uh, yeah...good luck with that $1,286 per square foot, dipshit. In the meantime we'll be waiting with bated breath for that massive price reduction.