For the Love of Money: FINAL UPDATE

Sold on 03/15/10 for $592,500

After seven months trying to get $729,000 for a self-proclaimed "fixer," this dipshit lost his house to the bank in in November 2009.

Notably, the bank took it back at auction for $603,500. Remember, the house sold for a mere $225,000 in '93, meaning instead of building 17 years of equity this reckless fool racheted up nearly $400,000 in HELOCs and second mortages!

Anyhow, the bank threw it on the MLS in December and finally sold this month for a $10,000 loss, plus about $36,000 in commissions, and however much was spent sprucing it up (not much by the looks of things). There could have been much more than $600,000 in loans against this thing, but without that information it seems like Joe and Jane Taxpayer dodged a bullet on this one. It could have been much worse.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

For a small piece of paper it carries a lot of weight,
Oh, that mean, mean, mean, mean, mean green.
Almighty Dollar!
Talkin' bout, talkin' bout - cash!
I know that money is the root of all evil,
Do funny things to some people.
Give me a nickel, brother can you spare a dime?
Money can drive some people out of their minds.

For the love of money.
No good, no good, no good.

For the love of money.
Don't sell ya soul for the money - no, no.

-The O'Jays, For the Love of Money


Address: 5216 E. Vista, 90803
Asking Price: $729,000
Year Built: 1941
Size: 3 beds, 1 baths, 1,243 sq. ft.
$/Sq. Ft.: $586
Purchase price: $225,000
Purchase date: 10/1993
MLS#: P684522
On Redfin: 62 days
Down Payment: $146,000
Monthly Payment: $4,200
Income Requirement: $208,000
Description: This 3 bedroom 1 bath fixer property is in heart of Belmont Park. Walking distance to many restaurants, shops, just minutes from the beach and the marina. Hardwood floors throughout, 1/2 block to Lowell Elementary

LOL: "Listing Price Excludes: Dining room light, entry hall light"

SCREW THAT, DEAL'S OFF!

The word "fixer" should never be a descriptor for a house asking $586 per square foot. Not that that nugget of common sense would ever stop delusional Long Beach sellers from their delusional ways.

But don't worry about it, pal, I'm sure there are plenty of doctor/lawyer couples looking to shell out $4,200 a month for the privilege of sharing a bathroom and paying for all of your (obviously substantial) deferred maintenance.

Incredibly, this asking price of $729,000 is a $79,000 increase from the original April demand of $650,000!

Great sales tactic!

Here is where my jaw hit the floor: This (outwardly) cute little house was purchased in 1993 for $225,000, but even if they found a buyer for $729,000 IT STILL WOULDN'T COVER THE LOANS!

WTF?!

If serial refinancing were heroin, before his fatal short-sale overdose this guy was in the "turning-tricks-on-Santa-Monica-Boulevard-and-shooting-up-in-between-his-toes" stage.

The amazing thing is, if he hadn't taken out so much money against the house, a few years from now he would probably own this place free-and-clear.

FREE-AND-CLEAR!

He would have absolute financial freedom and could retire in this absolutely amazing neighborhood with no house payment. But instead of monetary liberty, our avarice-fueled seller chose a life of unchecked greed, rampant consumerism, and living above his means. The implacable desire for cash money can truly drive people out they damn minds.

There are no other pictures provided, so for the sake of alacrity I'll keep this short. I just thought you'd like to see where your hard-earned tax dollars are going: To myopic, irresponsible turds like this one.

Well, It Was Worth a Shot: UPDATE

Not sure if you remember this dump from October 2009, but it turns out just a month after my post a flipper swooped it up from the bank for $225,000 (the lender ate a $200,000 loss on that one).

As crusty as it was, $225,000 was a pretty good deal (in October I said I thought $250,000 penciled out). And like most sales so close to downtown, it represents a 2002 price.

Anyhow, this flipper, instead of taking a shitty property, sprucing it up, and extracting a reasonable profit, has turned out to be just another gluttonous pig with his greedy, money-grubbing snout buried deep in the quick-money trough.

After slapping on some paint, pergo floors, and cheap carpeting, he dumped it on the market with a $114,000 built-in profit.

$114,000!

What a jackass.

Let's see...community laundry, only one parking spot, and located all the way the hell down on Esperanza? For $339,000?!

The average price per square foot in this neighborhood is $274 and he's asking $355?

What the fuck for? Fake wood floors and repainted cabinets (oh, you didn't think we'd notice that)?


And he might have just painted over the pink tiles!

Other than money spots on Ocean, nearby properties don't even come close to asking this kind of money. What a dolt.

Look, I'm cool with flippers improving rough properties (and, in some cases, improving the neighborhood as a result) and making a little dough. Hell, in this environment you gotta have a set of dangling bowling balls to try your hand at flipping, and you should be rewarded for the risk you're taking. As far as I'm concerned, party on Wayne.

But what I can't get over is the utter contempt some of these flippers have for potential buyers. I mean, he truly believes you and I are complete rubes and that he deserves $100,000+ for doing little more than putting lipstick on a warthog.

Hey, Flippy, Price Reduction's on line #2. Says it's urgent.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I'm back from Chicago, and let me tell you, there aren't many better cities to celebrate your birthday. And speaking of cities with a condo problem:

1329 E 1st St #18, 90802
Price: $250,000
Beds: 2
Baths: 2
Sq. Ft.: 954
$/Sq. Ft.: $262
Year Built: 1959
MLS#: T09106531
On Redfin: 5 days
HOA: $150
Down Payment: $50,000
Income Requirement: $71,000
Monthly Nut: $1,500
Description: 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom front, corner unit condo in the Startdust Condo Building with city lights view from private balcony and master bedroom and view of the ocean from the rooftop deck. Located in gated community with underground parking and only 1 block from the beach. Unit has a lot of closet and storage space. Conveniet location. Close to park, shopping, public transportation, downtown Long Beach, Belmont Shore, Shoreline Village and the Pike Center.

"Conveniet"?

It appears the bank took this puppy back in February of 2008 for $375,000. The play seemed to be, "Bubble pricing will be back in no time...let's just wait this out. It can't possibly go any lower!"

Well, they successfully kept it off the market for ONE AND A HALF YEARS (Anybody still believe shadow inventory doesn't exist? Really?) before throwing it on the MLS for--take a wild guess!--$375,000.

I guess it was worth a shot, eh?

Because yesterday (just four days after relisting at that hilarious wishing price) the price was dropped a mind-blowing -$125,000. Ploy to garner a bidding war? Typo? Or the result of actually looking at comps and accepting reality?

Who knows, but that is one hell of a price cut. Check this out this history:

Oct 06, 2009 - Price Changed $250,000
Oct 02, 2009 - Listed $375,000
Feb 22, 2008 - Sold $375,000
Nov 04, 2007 - Delisted
Sep 30, 2007 - Listed
Mar 09, 2006 - Sold $418,000
Sep 27, 2002 - Sold $227,500
May 08, 1990 - Sold $132,500
Apr 19, 1989 - Sold $120,000

Yep, this is a 2002 price! And it's still no guarantee of selling in this market. Because regardless of that aggressive pricing, there is no escaping how dumptastic this place is:



Good grief, Charlie Brown, what a crap shack.

BUT, it's approaching rental parity, so this might be a decent buy.

Think about it: Get an FHA loan, use the (coming) $15,000 homebuyer tax credit for your down payment, and when you fall deep underwater, stop paying and live rent-free for a while, and just walk away with a wad of saved cash and a dinged credit score when they finally kick you out. If anybody gives you static about your FICO, just tell them, "Hey man, it was 2010."

Believe me, everyone will understand.

A Different Kind of Double-Dip

By way of Jim the Realtor's excellent blog, the California First-Time Homebuyer tax credit has been extended. For about a month, if buyers time things perfectly, they may be able to "double-dip" and receive both tax credits. From the WSJ:

Tuesday, we told you that the (financially troubled) state of California is poised to offer home buyers up to $10,000 to get off the fence and to the dotted line. The $200 million program, split between first-time buyers of existing homes and new units, should keep the Golden State’s sales moving along post spring-selling season.

But, it might not get off to a peaceful start on May 1: Get ready for a stampede early on as some buyers rush to overlap with the federal tax credit that’s dangling as much as $8,000 to buyers. (Yes, that’s up to $18,000 for buying a house.)

For the federal incentive, contracts must be inked by April 30, while closings have to happen by June 30. The California credit covers closings on existing or new homes on or after May 1, leaving a short window for double dipping. “We already anticipated increased contract activity in March and April due to the federal tax credit with scheduled closings in May and June,” writes Credit Suisse builder analyst Dan Oppenheim. “These buyers will now be eligible for both the federal and state credit and will likely consume a significant piece of the state credit given the first-come, first-serve allocation.”

There is apparently no income limit for the State credit, but there is for the Fed ($75,000 for individuals, $150,000 for couples I believe).

Here is some more information:

http://www.leginfo.ca.gov/pub/09-10/bill/asm/ab_0151-0200/ab_183_bill_20100322_enrolled.html

http://www.federalhousingtaxcredit.com/

Ultimately, you're not knocking a whole lot off the price, but if you're set on purchasing this spring anyway you really have no excuse. It's free money (care of you, your kids, and your grand kids as they like to say).

Odds are that by August the home price will go down by at least as much as you "saved," but like I said, if you're poised to buy soon regardless, why not just have some free loot to furnish your new pad?

P.S. Expect home sales to jump substantially in California during the next few months.

P.P.S. Sales will need to rise substantially to absorb the (finally) growing inventory. Plus, I expect a lot of sellers, hibernating for the winter and hoping for a better tomorrow, to throw their properties on the market this spring. If that results in improved quality of inventory (it is absolutely dismal out there as it stands), you better believe I'll go out and kick some tires too.

Bungling Buffoon Badly Burned by "Bottom" Buying

2662 East 2ND St Unit G2, Long Beach, 90803
Asking Price: $399,000
Beds: 2
Baths: 1.75
Sq. Ft.: 1,292
$/Sq. Ft.: $309
Year Built: 1966
MLS#: P727352
On Redfin: 2 days
HOA: $213
Down Payment: $80,000
Income Requirement: $114,000
Monthly Nut: $2,300
Description: Look no further! You have found one of the nicest and most spacious 2 bedrooms PLUS office currently available in Bluff Park. This END UNIT boasts gleaming hardwood floors, plantation shutters, a formal dining area, a huge remodeled eat-in kitchen with amazing storage and counterspace, a large guest room, updated guest bath with spa-like feel, oversized master bedroom with a dressing area and remodeled bath, french door enclosed sunny office area, and an in unit stackable WASHER/DRYER. Finally, no community laundry!!! The condo also comes with an oversized parking space and additional storage above the space in the garage. One of the nicest and well maintained buildings in Bluff Park or Belmont Heights you will show. Just a pleasure! Pets are allowed and you are just one block to the beach, bike path, Long Beach Museum of Art and fine retail and restaurants. The perfect elegant and stylish neighborhood. This is a standard sale!

The 2008 losers just keep stacking up. Today's seller was yet another sheep who allowed himself to be misled by CNBC hyper-bulls and his commission-hungry realtor that he was "buying at the bottom" in late '08.

And now, predictably, he is being sent to slaughter.

Just a short 19 months ago he foolishly purchased this apartment for $451,000 from a pre-bubble owner who paid a mere $165,500 ("Thanks for the bubble profits, noob!). Considering the original asking price was $469,750, I bet he thought he was pretty slick negotiating a whopping 4% discount.

Sadly, he abruptly discovered that his negotiating skills were about as strong as Corey Haim's willpower (too soon?). Armed with the sudden realization that he grossly overpaid in a rapidly declining market(!) and could never afford such a monstrous payment in the first place, he threw it on the MLS for an ego-deflating $399,000 and is now begging for the market's mercy.

After commissions, that represents a -$75,000 loss. Ouch.

Hey guy, is the smoke bothering you?

You know, from the smoldering crater where your bank account used to be?

The thing is, I quite like this place. I think it's an "updater," a term I first became familiar with by way of Jim the Realtor's site. It's certainly not a "fixer," (by the way, have you noticed that hardly any properties are listed as a "fixer upper" on Redfin anymore? Here is a prime example of someone in "fixer" denial) but it's also not quite "turn-key" and requires $10,000 to $15,000 in lipstick and blush.

For example, the kitchen:

HORF.

But add some new countertops and mild updating and you'll be set.

And the master bath, while not horrendous, could use some freshening up. You might disagree, but remember this is a property demanding $400,000!

Don't get me wrong, this place is pretty slick. Crown molding, nice floors, two bedrooms plus an office, reasonable square footage, in-unit laundry, only one common wall, decent HOA fee...pretty impressive.


Plus it's in a great neighborhood in close proximity to those killer Long Beach waves.

I'd live here, no doubt.

However, I would never pay this much. Way overpriced for what you get.

But that's just me. I think some buyers will find $309 per square foot reasonable given the location and sold comps. Unfortunately, they, just like our seller, will be catching a falling knife.

Let's look at the fundamentals:

Rent vs. Buy: I seriously doubt it rents for anywhere near $2,300, but I'm open to being proven wrong. But most buyers probably focus on after-tax payments, so let's call this one a wash for the typical (imprudent) buyer.

Local Incomes: The median income in this zip is $82,765, and I would imagine someone looking at these beach-close units would earn above median. Let's say $100,000 per year. At 3.5X income, they would need to make $91,000 to reasonably afford the mortgage (assuming 20% down). However, if you calculate the more conservative figure of House Price/3.5X income, they would need to pull in $114,000 per year. Could be a wash depending on how you calculate the numbers, but a conservative buyer would be stretching too thin to make the monthly nut.

Pre-bubble pricing/fundamental value: Here's where it gets tricky. If you apply a generous 4% per year appreciation to the 1999 sales price (and remove the bubble and ensuing crash), today this apartment would be worth $255,000. Add in a little extra for the few upgrades it does have, how well-maintained it is, and the fact that the '99 price seems low, and at most you're looking at a 2010 value of $300,000 - $310,000.

"El Bee, you're smoking Plymouth Rocks if you think this place is only worth $310,000!"

Well then I guess I'm not the only one because a certain bank is robbing its sister for a taste of that sweet, sweet crack too. In the very same building a lender is trying to offload a larger unit and believes it's only worth $325,000 (FYI that's a $100,000+ discount from the 2004 price!).

How the shit is our featured beggar--ERRR...seller going to compete with that? He's not. And that means this joint won't be a "standard sale" for long.

Assuming the REO isn't a complete turd pile inside (thanks for the photos, dick!), this is horrendously bad news for our overly optimistic seller. If the bank-owned property sells for full asking price (which, frankly, I'm surprised it hasn't already), then that comp guarantees our seller eats a -$150,000 loss instead of the -$75,000 hit he was initially worried about.

How pissed do you suppose the residents are at that dastardly bank?

Anyhow, this dummy listened to the wrong people and thought he could beat the odds. But now he's just going to get beat down. Just like pretty much every other 2008 "bottom buyer" who tries to sell today. If only they had been readers of this blog.

Look, if you ignored my (absolutely correct) prediction that prices would continue to slide and bought during the last two years, I'm not trying to pick on you. There are a million reasons to buy in a declining market and a million more ways to fudge the numbers to justify it. Hell, I'm ready to get on with my life too!

But if you did your homework and paid close to rental parity, got a fixed-rate 30-year mortgage, have a healthy emergency fund, can reasonably afford your payments, and absolutely adore the place you live, then you'll be able to ride this thing out just fine -- and get to live in a house you love in the meantime.

But if you bought way before the bottom like this dude and want to sell in today's environment, just know that you are in neck-deep in shit and have no one to blame but yourself.

Dwelling on the Past

5576 East VESUVIAN Walk, Long Beach, CA 90803
Asking Price: $799,000
Beds: 2
Baths: 1.25
Sq. Ft.: 1,200
$/Sq. Ft.: $666
Lot Size: 2,400 Sq. Ft.
Year Built: 1957
MLS#: P719642
On Redfin: 53 days
Down Payment: $160,000
Monthly Nut: $4,300
Income Requirement: $200,000
Description: The Opdahl Residence, 1957 by Edward A. Killingsworth, FAIA. With the use of two 18 ft. tall redwood walls at the setback lines on both sides of the property, Killingsworth skillfully created an oasis of privacy for the glass walled structure, reflecting pond & peaceful gardens within. Considered by the architect to be his most important work, the house stands as a prototype for building with limited space, & as one of the purest, most sophisticated examples of mid-century modern architecture. As the SoCal chapter of AIA noted in it's [SIC] honor award, 'there is poetry in it's [SIC] restrained vocabulary of material and form-a precise artistry'. Winner of eight prestigious architectural awards & featured in countless publications, the Opdahl house gave Killingsworth international acclaim. Once thought to be lost to neglect, a meticulous restoration by the current owner has brought the house back to it's [SIC] original glory. The property is now recognized as an historic landmark by the City of Long Beach.

Ugh, yet another seller getting high on his own pompous bullshit. This dude and his realtor are obviously quite impressed with their inclusion in Dwell, that hipster bible of aspirational pretentiousness.

When I saw this listing, I immediately thought of Unhappy Hipster

It's a blog that takes those famously dour Dwell photos and adds amusing captions. An example:

"The black hole had sucked everything out of the playroom. Save his sister or the coloring books? He made a split-second decision."

I'm a big fan of modern design, but the trust fund snobs in that magazine take it to a whole 'nother level. Sometimes the total commitment to uber-minimalism can be overwhelming, leaving you with these cold, bland, mono-hued drabscapes.

And this house is no different.

This place just feels so precious, so sterile. Every piece of furniture looks uncomfortable and terminally fragile -- almost like props. I half expect Chris Farley to barge in and crush every table and chair in the joint.



Whatever the opposite of "that lived-in feel" is, this is it.

I mean, these photos are just begging for the Unhappy Hipsters treatment. Here's my take:

"After waiting four weeks for his Air Jordan Sky Highs to arrive from Thailand, Toby was thrilled to debut them at Glenda's loft party. But despite subtle attempts to get people to notice his shoes, like pointing to Glenda's concrete floors and asking various guests if they supposed the finish qualified as 'honed,' nobody at the party acknowledged Toby's rare kicks. Would he ever recover from this slight, he wondered."

It's worth noting that Toby here paid $730,000 in January 2003. The listing description mentioned this property is a result of "a meticulous restoration by the current owner." Considering this place was, according to the realtor, "Once thought to be lost to neglect," I'm willing to bet he dropped at least $150,000 into restoration. Minimum.

Presumably to offset the steep commissions, he is asking $799,000. Even factoring in seven years of payments, the significant restoration efforts will virtually guarantee a massive loss.

I appreciate his pricing optimism, but things don't look good. There's just too much competition in this price range. I imagine someone, somewhere in the world would be impressed by an utterly useless "decorative pond," but in this bang-for-your-buck buyer's market will they be willing to pay a significant premium?

Seriously, does anybody but this owner give a farting fuck about the honor award from the SoCal chapter of the AIA?

Plus, half the appeal of this property is the decoration and rare furniture -- and the listing makes it clear none of it is included in the asking price (neither is the washer and dryer -- how generous! $800,000 and I gotta go out and buy new appliances?!)

So, remove the magazine-worthy staging and you're left with a small two-bedroom one-bath that needs tens of thousands of dollars in furnishings, artwork, and appliances asking (an ominous) $666 per square foot.

For that kind of money, I'd be more interesting in saving a boatload of cash and buying a larger, cozier place like this.

I suppose it doesn't have the architectural pedigree or "poetry in its restrained vocabulary of material," but in this post-bubble world, I can't imagine buyers really give a steaming crap.

I guess the seller, who is actually a DJ and co-creator of one of my favorite jazz bands, is hoping there are plenty of other overpaid DJs or trust fund babies or well-heeled mid-century design nerds out there with an equally lacking concept of value or money or investment strategy. But I have to imagine in this environment most buyers are looking for deals, not overwrought monuments to cheap credit and money-to-burn bubble exuberance like this.

Frankly, this place is so unique he might pull it off. He'll probably have to start playing Quinceaneras in El Dorado Park to survive the financial loss on his foolish malinvestment, but still.

A New Price Per Square Foot Record: UPDATE II

6700 East Bay Shore Walk

The price was "$3,800,000" and changed to "$3,400,000"

You've been on the market for 853 days, dumbass. Don't you think it's a little late for price reductions?

This overpriced turd has been festering on the market since August of 2007.

2007!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I have some updates on two incredibly overpriced properties featured in one of the very first Long Beach Housing Blog posts.

In January 2008, 1724 Bluff Pl in Alamitos Beach was asking a jaw-dropping $4,500,000. Mind you, the place was only half-built at the time.

What a dickhead.

Now, an excruciating 17 months later, the price has been reduced by $2,500,000. Just like that.

TWO AND A HALF MILLION!

Doesn't that just piss you off? This seller was so greedy, so arrogant, and had such disdain for his potential buyers that last year he insisted this not-even-completed monstrosity was "worth" $4.5 mil--only we find out he never really believed that, as evidenced by his decision to cut the price by more than half without even flinching.

This asshole was ACTIVELY trying to rip people off to the tune of $2.5 million. He knew it wasn't worth the '08 ask, but he treated every potential buyer like they were some rube too imbecellic to figure out the scam.

And guess what? This seller isn't alone. A vast majority of greedfaced Long Beach sellers and their equally delusional, dollar-signs-in-the-eyes realtors, slinging everything from shithole studio apartments to multi-million dollar waterfront palaces, are pulling the same shit on you. They think YOU are the sucker. That YOU just fell off the turnip truck. That YOU are too stupid to know any better.

It just makes me sick what these people are trying to pull.


I'll say this one more time for those of you feeling the pressure to buy because of so-called "once-in-a-lifetime opportunities" or "record-low interest rates" or the fear of "being priced-out forever":

DON'T BE A CHUMP. RELAX. WE ARE NOWHERE NEAR A BOTTOM. MOST OF THE PRICES YOU SEE TODAY MAY SEEM LIKE DECENT DEALS COMPARED TO PEAK PRICES, BUT A YEAR FROM NOW THESE SAME PROPERTIES WILL BE SMOKING DEALS. IF YOU ABSOLUTELY MUST BUY, DO YOUR HOMEWORK AND PROTECT YOUR FAMILY'S FUTURE BY PURCHASING ONLY WHEN FUNDAMENTALS ARE MET (OR EXCEEDED, CONSIDERING THE DEPRESSING EFFECT RISING INTEREST RATES WILL HAVE ON PRICES, AND ANTICIPATING FURTHER DROPS IN RENT AS UNEMPLOYMENT CLIMBS).

Now, I'm no real estate investment expert, but in my estimation the last thing you need is a self-professed "expert." Remember, in July 2008, Lawrence Yun, the chief economist for the National Association of Realtors said, "I think we are very near to the end of the housing downturn."

How did Mr. Yun do on his "expert" prediction? I don't know, why not ask this jackhole seller on Bluff, who just cut $2.5 million bones without batting an eye? That sound like the end of the housing downturn to you?

In other words, THE SO-CALLED "EXPERTS" ARE LYING TO YOU BECAUSE THEY GET PAID TO LIE TO YOU.

Imagine if last year you had listened to a "real estate expert" like, say, the listing agent for this property, and bought because "it's always a great time to buy" and "beachfront properties are different." You, my friend, would be nostril deep in doodoo. Specifically, you'd be underwater by two-point-five million fucking dollars.

And here is another property from that 2008 post still languishing on the MLS:

6700 East Bay Shore Walk


Hey, check it out! This house comes with a free vagrant loitering on the sand! Hi!



The last time we checked in on this loon, he was asking $4,490,000. After a year and a half with no action, on 4/20/09, the price was reduced by $690,000. POOF! "Equity" and "worth" and "value" disappeared like a ladybug fart in a Boeing wind tunnel. But I thought the peninsula was immune?

Wrong, asshole. Enjoy another 544 days on the market.

If sellers can nonchalantly tear off huge chunks of "equity" like these two knuckleheads, what does that tell you? That the garbage for sale right now is woefully over priced and will continue to be until basic fundamentals are met.

The bottom--especially for upper-tiered properties--is nowhere in sight.

And in case you're not absolutely disgusted by the government's attempts to ensure housing is unaffordable for responsible families, you will be now:

SUBPRIME LENDING IS BACK

Arigato: CAPITULATION

Wow. I almost forgot about this dummy. Click here for the entire saga.

This derelict dojo has been on the market since August 2007. And after dicking around for nearly three years with pie-in-the-sky pricing strategies and minuscule, utterly pointless price cuts (nicks, more like), it appears this seller has finally thrown in the towel.

After starting at a certifiably WTF price of $3,250,000, they are now asking a mere $999,000. Dude, that's approaching the land value of the double-lot!

That's nuts.

And now it's a short sale. Good lord. Holding out for the imaginary, unearned bubble riches you so clearly "deserved" didn't work out too well, did it?

The bank must be shitting its pants. If they can't get a short sale going, what the hell are they going to do with it when they foreclose and take it back? Seriously.

This property is so ugly, odd, and, frankly, embarrassing, that the bank knows it will be extremely difficult to sell with anything other than a fire sale price attached to it.

Assuming the bank is actually willing to let it go for a million clams, I think the bank will easily find a buyer. Think about it. At that price, you're basically buying two plots of land in an incredibly prime area...with a huge novelty house thrown in for free.

Garishness notwithstanding, we're talking about $274 per square foot in the Shore. If I had the means I'd seriously consider it.

The only bummer for the new owner is bathing here every morning:

Woof.

If you're curious, here is the new (photoless) listing.

Have a great weekend, y'all.

Long Beach Housing Blog's 400th Post! UPDATE

The price was "$999,000" and changed to "$950,000"

That was fast.

And pointless.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Actually, RE in the LBC's 400th post was last Thursday but I lost track amidst all of the travel. Either way, 400 posts is a massive milestone, an achievement I'm very proud of. That big, solid number provides some perspective as far as the time, effort, discipline, and commitment put into this blog over the last two years.

And the insight, humor, and loyalty my dear readers -- the reason I comb through the MLS each week looking for gems (rare), examples of greed run amok (quite common), and sheer delusion (absolutely everywhere) -- have shown me as well. For me it's been a great creative outlet and educational as well -- I hope you feel the same. Thank you for stopping by, and especially thank you for commenting and sending in new finds.

But I have to be perfectly honest and say I seriously doubt this blog will make it to 500 posts. It's a time constraint thing, and it's also a real-life-getting-in-the-way thing. As I'm sure you've noticed, things have been steadily slowing down. It's a combination of dwindling passion for the topic, competing writing projects, and just plain frustration.

I mean, in some ways getting so worked up about the concerted efforts to prevent house prices from returning to affordable levels for hardworking families and individuals is like pissing in the wind. It's funny to highlight and castigate the rampant avarice and utter disdain for critical thinking out there, but ultimately, if you really think about it, the whole situation is just sad.

I mean, nothing has changed. Name one new regulation or law (or evidence of current laws even being enforced) that will prevent another financial crisis just like the one we've suffered through the last few years.

Exactly.

So what am I railing against then? Pervasive greed? It's never going anywhere. Widespread fraud, lies, and criminality of the elite and well-connected? Besides Madoff, I haven't seen any perp-walks. Shitty, insanely overpriced houses that require families to stretch unrealistically and spend 40, 50, or 60% of their take-home income? People are out there buying these properties every single day.

With that said, I'm not shutting down the blog anytime soon. I still want to be a source of good information, perspective, and, of course, humor. It's just that I can see ending credits just over the horizon and this a good opportunity to acknowledge everyone who has made this such a great ride so far.

So, here is RE in the LBC's 404th post featuring The Jackass of Month, possibly of the year. I hope you enjoy it. Thanks to Dfret for sending this one in.

61 THE COLONNADE, CA 90803
Wishing Price: $999,000
Beds: 2
Baths: 1
Sq. Ft.: 777
$/Sq. Ft.: $1,286
Lot Size: 2,000 Sq. Ft.
Year Built: 1946
Community: Belmont Shore/Park/Naples/Marina Pacific/Bay Harbor
MLS#: R1001219
On Redfin: 21 days
Down Payment: $200,000
Income Requirement: $285,000
Monthly Nut: $5,700 (6% Jumbo)
Descritpion: LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION 2 BEDROOM DOLL HOUSE RIGHT ON THE CORNER OF THE COLONNADE AND THE TOLEDO. FANTASTIC VIEW OF THE BAY AND THE COLONNADE FOUNTAIN OFF THE QUAINT FRONT PORCH. Custom amenities include, custom Plantation Shutters(living room and master Bdr. ) Remodled Bathroom (Marble and Travertine. Custom hardwood floors. Antique Brass Bartop off custom kitchen, with transparent stained oak cabinetry, Jenn-air built in range, new sharp microwave, new built-in U-line refrig. Custom stained glass front door. Garage multi-purpose room, drywalled, insulation, paint, carpet, new laundry & storage. Self contained for office or multi-purpose use. New lighting and door opener. STANDARD SALE

"Remodled"? In a million dollar listing? Good lord.

Here we have an old-timer, stuffed to the gills with long-time-owner equity, taking his shot at the American Dream(tm) of avarice, ignorance, and all-out, unbridled, greed-faced dumbfuckery.

This shitheel actually believes he's entitled to $1,286 per dilapidated, woefully outdated square foot.

$1,286!

How are the summers on planet Freebase?

It appears as if the "LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION" has gotten to this misguided seller's (empty) head. A million clams for this dust bin?! I mean, just look at this kitchen:



And is this location, on the corner of a busy traffic circle, really that prime?

This seller clearly has their medical marijuana card (Glaucoma, you see), because despite bragging about the "remodled" bathroom in the description, they neglected to include a photo of what I imagine would be the only thing keeping the house from being a complete tear-down. If that bathroom was so impressive, it seems to me you would have included a photo in place of one of those six shots of the porch.

Instead we get these beauties:


Can't you just smell the Werther's Originals?

I have a hard time believing this is what people in the market for $1,000,000 homes had in mind.

The property taxes for 2009 were a paltry $1,697, based on a valuation of $157,345. Which makes me wonder: Why sell and eliminate your Prop 13 golden goose? Why not just pass it on to family and keep that massive taxpayer-subsidized pony in the stable?

This doesn't appear to be a probate sale (although the pricing sure is indicative of scumbag next of kin trying to get rich off of Grandma's demise), so it really doesn't make sense. The land value alone makes this a multi-generational keeper.

But the reason for selling doesn't matter because this place will never fucking sell for this ridiculous, fundamentally greedtarded asking price. It will never happen.

Where does this pricing strategy (namely, the decision to be the second most expensive listing on a price-per-square-foot basis in the entire city of Long Beach) even come from?

The most expensive rentals in Naples and Belmont Shore are in the $2,500 - $2,700 range -- half the monthly nut of owning this dump. Fundamentals, anyone?

Furthermore, the biggest sale in Naples during the last six months was for $650,000 and it was nicer, more spacious, on a bigger lot, and about 200 feet from the water.

Oh, it gets even more nonsensical.

Because apparently their genius realtor is the only one in the business without access to the MLS. If he had it, he would know there is a competing house literally 60 yards away that's twice as big, and twenty times as nice, asking $995,000:

Absolutely everything has been re-done or upgraded. Just check out this second-story deck:

Now that's a million dollar listing!

So, uh, yeah...good luck with that $1,286 per square foot, dipshit. In the meantime we'll be waiting with bated breath for that massive price reduction.

LA Times: More homeowners are opting for 'strategic defaults'

By way of Calculated Risk:

Underwater on their mortgages and angry at banks, more borrowers are choosing to hand over the keys, even if they can afford the payments.

By Alana Semuels, March 17, 2010

Wynn Bloch has always dutifully paid her bills and socked away money for retirement. But in December she defaulted on the mortgage on her Palm Desert home, even though she could afford the payments.

Bloch paid $385,000 for the two-bedroom in 2006, when prices were still surging. Comparable homes are now selling in the low-$200,000s. At 66, the retired psychologist doubted she'd see her investment rebound in her lifetime. Plus, she said she was duped into an expensive loan [EB: "DUPED"? RIGHT. HEY, WHATEVER IT TAKES TO JUSTIFY YOUR ACTIONS IN YOUR OWN MIND].

The way she sees it, big banks that helped fuel the mess all got bailouts while small fry like her are left holding the bag. No more.

"There was not a chance that house was ever going to be worth anywhere near what my mortgage was," said Bloch, who is now renting a few miles away after defaulting on the $310,000 loan. "I haven't cheated or stolen." [EB: UH, EXCEPT FROM TAXPAYERS WHO HAVE TO COVER THE BANK'S LOSSES ON YOUR FORECLOSURE]

...

Stuck with properties whose negative equity won't recover for years, and feeling betrayed by financial institutions that bankrolled the frenzy, some homeowners are concluding it's smarter to walk away than to stick it out [EB: DUH].

"There is a growing sense of anger, a growing recognition that there is a double standard if it's OK for financial institutions to look after themselves but not OK for homeowners," said Brent T. White, a law professor at the University of Arizona who wrote a paper on the subject.

Just how many are walking away isn't clear. But some researchers are convinced that the numbers are growing. So-called strategic defaults accounted for about 35% of defaults by U.S. homeowners in December 2009, up from 23% in March of 2009, according to Luigi Zingales, a professor at the University of Chicago's Booth School of Business.

He and colleagues at Northwestern University's Kellogg School of Management reached that conclusion by surveying homeowners about their attitudes and experiences with loan defaults.

They found that borrowers were more willing to walk away if someone they knew had done it, and that the greater a homeowner's negative equity the more likely he or she was to default, even if the monthly payment was affordable.

...

"The fact that people are strategically defaulting -- there is no question," Zingales said. "The risk that the number of people doing this might explode is significant."

A flood of walkaways could damage the nation's fledgling housing recovery by swamping the market with foreclosed properties [EB: ONLY IF BANKS ARE FORCED TO FORECLOSE AND PUT THEM ON THE MARKET. THAT HASN'T HAPPENED AND I DON'T SEE ANY POLITICAL WILL TO MAKE IT EVER HAPPEN]. Still, some experts are dubious that millions of underwater homeowners will pull the plug as Bloch did. Homeownership remains the cornerstone of the American dream [EB: NO, LIVING BEYOND YOUR MEANS AND GETTING RICH WITHOUT WORKING FOR IT IS THE AMERICAN DREAM. WALKING AWAY AND BUYING A BIGGER HOUSE WITH A CHEAPER PAYMENT FITS THAT DREAM PERFECTLY]. Moving is a hassle. And the stigma associated with a foreclosure is likely to keep many hanging on for a recovery [EB: I THINK IN THE COMING YEARS WALKING AWAY WILL ACTUALLY BE A POPULIST BADGE OF HONOR AND SEEN AS A SAVVY FINANCIAL MOVE. "YEAH, I REALLY STUCK IT TO THE BANK. THEN I BOUGHT A BIGGER HOUSE IN A NICER NEIGHBORHOOD WITH A LOWER MONTHLY NUT. WE JUST BOUGHT NEW WATCHES AND BENZES WITH THE EXTRA MONEY!" YOU THINK THAT GUY WOULD BE "STIGMATIZED"? REALLY?].

The biggest surprise is that so many underwater homeowners continue to pay, said White, the Arizona law professor. He's convinced that personal shame, as well as moral suasion by the government and financial institutions, has kept many homeowners from walking away, even when they'd be better off financially by dumping their homes.

But real estate veterans said old taboos were eroding fast.

...

"Now, it's more of a business decision -- it's people who could afford their house but it's an inconvenience," Maddux said. [EB: I THINK WHAT WE'RE SEEING HERE IS WHEN A HOUSE IS PURCHASED AS A SPECULATIVE BET--WHICH MOST WERE DURING THE BUBBLE--THEN IT IS MUCH EASIER TO CUT YOUR LOSSES AND WALK AWAY FROM. SOMETHING PURCHASED AS A "HOME," HOWEVER, IS MUCH MORE DIFFICULT TO TREAT AS A PURE BUSINESS DECISION]

He and other experts said average Americans are fed up with hearing how they're supposed to honor their debts while businesses operate by another set of rules.

Case in point: Maguire Properties Inc., one of the largest commercial landlords in California, walked away from seven prime office buildings in Los Angeles and Orange counties last year, defaulting on loans worth more than $1 billion [EB: DO AS WE SAY, NOT AS WE DO].

...

Some purchased their homes at the peak of the market only to see the value drop precipitously when the bubble burst. Others bought low but couldn't resist borrowing against their rising equity to make home improvements and pay off other bills [EB: BUT NOW THESE IRRESPONSIBLE HOME ATM-ABUSERS WANT YOU TO VIEW THEM AS "VICTIMS"]. When home values fell, they too found themselves underwater.

Ken Henrich purchased his Marysville, Calif., home for $187,000 in 2004. He and his wife later refinanced the property, tapping their increased equity to pay off credit cards. They now owe around $300,000 on a place that's worth about $132,000. They let the four-bedroom residence slip into foreclosure and are waiting for it to be sold at auction. They're planning on renting for a few years until they can perhaps buy again [EB: IRRESPONSIBLE SHITHEADS TRYING TO LIVE THE GOOD LIFE, WHOLLY INCAPABLE OF MANAGING THEIR FINANCES, NOW WANT YOUR PITY].

"We can more than make the payment," the 54-year-old sales rep said. "The way we look at it, our credit would still be perfect years from now but we'd still owe tons more than it's worth."

There are consequences to walking away. A default will knock down a credit score by at least 100 points, said Craig Watts, a spokesman for FICO, the company that developed credit scores. That could make it tough to borrow money, rent an apartment or get a job because many employers now routinely check the credit histories of potential hires [EB: BULLSHIT SCARE TACTICS. NOW THAT THE WHOLE "MORAL OBLIGATION" RUSE HAS BEEN PROVEN TO BE A COMPLETE CROCK THANKS TO BIG BANKS MOONWALKING AWAY FROM COMMERCIAL PROPERTIES, THEY'RE GOING TO TURN UP THE HEAT ON THIS OLD LIE. WHILE PEOPLE WITH BAD CREDIT WILL HAVE DIFFICULTIES, IF APARTMENT MANAGERS INSISTED ON RENTING ONLY TO THOSE WITH PRISTINE CREDIT, THEY'D HAVE EMPTY UNITS FOR YEARS].

To some homeowners those consequences are a small price to pay to gain a measure of revenge against the financial institutions whose loose money helped fuel the crisis [EB: IT'S THE "REVENGE" ANGLE THAT IS REALLY FRIGHTENING TO BANKS. GIVEN ALL THE POPULIST ANGER OUT THERE, I SUSPECT THIS IS EVEN MORE DANGEROUS THAN PEOPLE MOTIVATED BY FINANCIAL COMMON SENSE].

Joseph Shull, a 68-year-old marketing professor, said he's planning to walk away from the town house he bought in Moorpark in June 2006.

"I'm angry, and there are a lot of people like me who are angry," he said.

He purchased the home for $410,000 and spent $30,000 renovating. Now the house is worth around $225,000.

Shull admits he overpaid for his property. But he said it fell in value in part because of "regulatory mismanagement."

"The bank stabbed me, but at least I got in a pinprick back," he said. "This is the new economy. The old rules don't apply any more." [EB: AND WITH THAT, ALL OF THE BIG BANKERS PUT ON THEIR BROWN PANTS AND COWERED UNDER THEIR DESKS. HOW LONG BEFORE BANKS START LOBBYING FOR RETROACTIVE RECOURSE LOANS IN CALIFORNIA?]

The whole article is worth a read.

Argonne Baby Gone: UPDATE

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

The price was "$610,000" and changed to "$599,999"

We're officially below what he paid in September 2008 -- just a scant year and a half ago. After commissions, this will represent a $37,000 loss. And that's assuming this piss-ant price reduction garners a sale.

The bottom was in 2008? HORSESHIT.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Welcome Patrick.net readers!

And thanks Anon for sending this property in.

309 ARGONNE Ave, CA 90814
Wishing Price: $610,000
Beds: 2
Baths: 1
Sq. Ft.: 883
$/Sq. Ft.: $691
Lot Size: 2,520 Sq. Ft.
Year Built: 1923
MLS#: P720288
On Redfin: 26 days
Down Payment: $122,000 (20% down)/ $24,000 (FHA, although the loan amount would just exceed the jumbo limit, let's assume you could get a gov't loan)
Income Requirement: $174,000
Monthly Nut: $3,300 (conventional)/$3,800 (FHA)
Description: Beautiful 'Turn Key'home [SIC] in Belmont Heights. Do not waste your time with Short Sales! Standard Sale here. Home boasts hardwood floors throughout home, NEW kitchen with granite countertops, wood cabinetry, stainless steel appliances, ceramic floor, bay window, recessed lighting, designer paint throughout and french doors to rear patio. An updated bathroom w/ ceramic tile and new plumbing. The garage has been completely finished with drywall, insulated, lighting, electrical & laminate flooring and offers you approximately 190 Sq. Ft of additional space for your office/gym with a french door entrance from the patio. New double paned windows throughout, new washer & dryer, new electrical/plumbing, new air unit & energy efficient water heater. Private patio offers you outdoor living room to entertain or enjoy secluded mornings/afternoons. .. Customized closets in bedrooms. Landscaped to be drought resistant. Award winning school district. Walk to the beach, Belmont Shore, Colorado Lagoon, golf course's [SIC] & parks.

Yet another 2008 loser!

Seriously, what were people thinking buying in late 2008? Don't they read this blog? I wonder if we'll be saying the same thing about 2009 buyers?

It only took this guy 18 payments before he figured out he couldn't possibly afford this place. And now he's looking for an out and is optimistically asking $9,000 more than he paid a year and a half ago, hoping to somewhat mitigate the pain of a -$28,000 loss (all in commissions).

This asking price seems based on the assumption that he perfectly timed the bottom in '08 and the housing market has been steadily recovering ever since.

I guess he doesn't read the news:

POW!

BIFF!

SOCK!

Yes, massive government intervention, artificially low interest rates, manipulated REO supply, extend-and-pretend HAMP tomfoolery, and free ponies in the form of first-time homebuyer tax credits have helped to stem the housing free-fall, but a slowdown in price declines is very different than an increase in values.

If you go from losing two quarts of blood per hour to half a quart, you're still losing a half a quart of blood! Slowing down the blood loss is very different from stopping the bleeding, mounting a full recovery, and being discharged from the hospital.

Unless he gets aggressive with his pricing very soon, our misguided seller could easily end up without a chair once the game of Government-Manipulated Musical Chairs comes to a grinding halt. I'd do whatever I could to sell now instead of taking my chances with higher interest rates, the elimination of homebuyer incentives, and more foreclosures on the market (and in the pipeline).

Once government attempts to keep home prices inflated (and, ultimately, unaffordable) run out of steam (or political support, or funding) and home values are allowed to return to some semblance of normalcy, sellers like this will regret not taking a big hit earlier. Because that "big hit" will look like what you find in the bottom of a clothes dryer compared to the massive loss incurred as a result of sticking to your guns and demanding a batshit-crazy wishing price in an worsening selling environment.

Peep the listing history:

Feb 03, 2010 - Listed $610,000
Sep 02, 2008 - Sold $601,000 (7.7%/yr)
May 23, 2008 - Price Changed $660,000
Apr 08, 2008 - Listed $695,000
May 26, 1993 - Sold $192,500

This dude probably thought he was getting a smoking deal in September '08 when he negotiated a 15% "discount" from the original $695,000 asking price. I bet he was quite proud of himself for "stealing it" for only $601,000 ($680 per square foot).

Hey, dummy, 15% off of something overvalued by 50% is still overpaying by 35%.

It's the Men's Half-Yearly Sale analogy: Nordstrom gives you a 20% off coupon and you go suit shopping. You find a tough-looking pinstriped Hugo Boss with a $1,000 price tag. After running the numbers you're thrilled to pay only $800. Wow, a $200 savings! I'd be stupid not to buy!

But you didn't do your homework. And you failed to notice the suit was $700 last week. You see, the night before the sale, the price was jacked up by 30%, meaning a suit that used to be $700 with zero discounts just cost you an extra $100 with a coupon. But, that doesn't matter because buying it on sale "felt" like a better deal. After all, the initial asking price of $1,000 was such a big number, $800 by comparison seemed like a more drastic "savings."

Realtors and home sellers similarly rely on Americans' complete inability to do math.

I know plenty of people who use peak pricing as the yardstick, and compare today's prices to that insanely lofty, easy-money-bullshit-fueled number to feel better about overpaying. What they should be doing is starting at pre-bubble pricing and comparing today's asking prices to that number. If more people did so, they would realize prices have a long way to go before they are in line with traditional home value appreciation.

Back to the property at hand: the lot is tiny but the location is great. The interior, although cramped, looks pretty nice too and the listing description mentions a decent amount of upgrades and goodies.

The solo bathroom is straight out of Scarface, but it's nothing a basic remodel couldn't fix. You know, because you'll have so much spare cash after making that $3,300 monthly payment.

HORF!

However, the backyard patio looks pretty cool:

And with only 883 square feet of living space, I'm sure you'll be spending quite a bit of time out there to offset the terminal claustrophobia.

I particularly like this photo of the junk accumulating the driveway:

For some reason, the first thing that came to mind was this:

What, you don't see it?

From what I can tell, little bungalows like this rent for around $2,000 a month. Let's be generous and say this could rent for $2,200 given the location and interior quality. So now you're paying $1,100 more per month (or $1,600 more if you go FHA) for "pride of ownership." Does that make any kind of sense?

Knowing that the bottom will arrive when the monthly rent approaches the Principal, Interest, Taxes and Insurance (there is debate about how to calculate this. Some say not to consider the tax refund because that money will largely be eaten up by maintenance and ancillary ownership costs. Others, mostly commission-based, suggest factoring in what you'll get back in tax refunds, which lowers the "buy" aspect of the rent vs. buy calculation and just happens to make buying more easily pencil out. I personally think the latter approach is dangerous because of the likelihood taxes, fees, insurance, and ownership costs will increase in the future given the impending state and federal fiscal issues), this asking price is way out of line with reality.

How far out of line? By (roughly) calculating pre- and post-tax monthly payments, in order for this to make sense as a purchase the price needs to be between $450,000 at the low end and $510,000 at the high end.

As you can clearly see, $610,000 for this snuff box is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay overpriced.

However, I am confident a knifecatcher will step in long before the asking price drops below $510,000, but I'm just pointing out what it would take to make any kind of financial sense and ensure you're not overpaying.

Mira Malo: UPDATE II

Mar 13, 2010 - Price Changed $369,500

10 Grand here, 10 Grand there...pretty soon we're talkin' real money!

$465,000 purchase price, $395,000 original list , $25,500 in price reductions, and still not a short sale.

Given that this is still a standard sale, I have to assume the seller put down 20%, or $93,000. That means with this newest price reduction, they are officially in the hole.

Add $22,000 in commissions, 114 fruitless days on market, and the expiration of the first time homebuyer giveaway next month, and this seller is staring down the barrel of a really bad day.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Feb 28, 2010 - Price Changed $379,500
Jan 12, 2010 - Price Changed $389,500

In December I said due to the awesome location, I wouldn't be surprised by a sale at around $360,000. Our seller is fast approaching that figure, but I wonder if it's fast enough.

I'll remind you that despite a $465,000 purchase price, at $379,500 this is still not a short sale.

Effing brutal.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


235 MIRA MAR Ave #4, 90803
Beds: 2
Baths: 1.5
Asking Price: $395,000
Sq. Ft.: 1,018
$/Sq. Ft.: $388
Year Built: 1958
HOA: $203
MLS#: P711997
Source: SoCalMLS
On Redfin: 11 days
Down Payment: $79,000
Income Requirement: $99,000
Monthly Nut: $2,300
Description: Bright top floor unit in very quaint neighborhood. Open living room with unique light fixtures. Gas stove, microwave, hardwood floor in kitchen. Large master with custom mirrored closet. Plenty of closet space & cabinets. Only 1 common wall. Private single car garage with storage and room for an add'l. car in front of garage. Walk to beach & enjoy the sunsets. Close to shopping and entertainment.

You know your apartment sucks when you mention a "mirrored closet" as a selling point.

And speaking of selling points, why not mention those sweet custom-painted kitchen cabinets?

BLECCCCCCCCCCHHHH!

Good lord. And the old-ass tiles just make it worse. At least finish the job like this idiot and put some granite on there!

Our featured seller is in deep, deep shit. He bought in the right location, but he got blatantly ripped off when he did so.

In November 2005, near the peak of the housing bubble, he decided to get into the real estate game and plunked down $465,000 (yes, you read that correctly) for this 2-bedroom/1.5-bath WITH NO LAUNDRY FACILITIES ON THE PREMISES.

I bet when he agreed to pay $465,000 he took a look at the 2001 sales price of $182,000 (assuming he even did that much research) and instead of thinking, "Hmm. That 22% annual appreciation during the last four years doesn't seem right," he imagined also holding it for four years then more than doubling his investment. Piece of cake, right?

Well, four years and one day after purchasing, he put it on the market for $395,000. So much for doubling your money. In fact, after commissions he's staring down the barrel of a $90,000 loss. And that's before negotiations even start.

But a quick look at the sold comps and it's clear that he's more underwater than he realizes. The average price per square foot of condos sold during the last six months is $369. Translation? This apartment at $369 per square should be priced at $375,886--20 Grand below his current wishing price.

Good thing he's got a life boat:

And you thought it was just a super classy coffee table.

Speaking of questionable decorating choices:

Disney's Jungle Cruise right in your own living room! There is plenty of weirdness to go around, but the giant Lay's bag on the wall takes the cake. He must REALLY be into potato chips.

What bothers me is the monthly $203 HOA fee. Curious about the wonderful perks you'll get to enjoy if you buy in this building? Well, here you go:

Amenities: Barbecue

Oh.


With no on-site laundry, just what the hell is your HOA money going toward? Landscaping?

With a 51-year-old building, I would perform some serious due diligence regarding the HOA's finances before considering a purchase.

Overall, because the neighborhood is excellent a 10% discount will probably be enough to garner a sale. I'm not saying that it won't decline further in value, but with interest rates at record lows (again), a sale at around $360,000 wouldn't shock me.

But that's something like a $120,000 loss. Given that this is not (yet) a short sale, we have to assume he had a monster down payment in 2005.

Key word: had.

Long Beach Housing Blog's 400th Post!

Actually, RE in the LBC's 400th post was last Thursday but I lost track amidst all of the travel. Either way, 400 posts is a massive milestone, an achievement I'm very proud of. That big, solid number provides some perspective as far as the time, effort, discipline, and commitment put into this blog over the last two years.

And the insight, humor, and loyalty my dear readers -- the reason I comb through the MLS each week looking for gems (rare), examples of greed run amok (quite common), and sheer delusion (absolutely everywhere) -- have shown me as well. For me it's been a great creative outlet and educational as well -- I hope you feel the same. Thank you for stopping by, and especially thank you for commenting and sending in new finds.

But I have to be perfectly honest and say I seriously doubt this blog will make it to 500 posts. It's a time constraint thing, and it's also a real-life-getting-in-the-way thing. As I'm sure you've noticed, things have been steadily slowing down. It's a combination of dwindling passion for the topic, competing writing projects, and just plain frustration.

I mean, in some ways getting so worked up about the concerted efforts to prevent house prices from returning to affordable levels for hardworking families and individuals is like pissing in the wind. It's funny to highlight and castigate the rampant avarice and utter disdain for critical thinking out there, but ultimately, if you really think about it, the whole situation is just sad.

I mean, nothing has changed. Name one new regulation or law (or evidence of current laws even being enforced) that will prevent another financial crisis just like the one we've suffered through the last few years.

Exactly.

So what am I railing against then? Pervasive greed? It's never going anywhere. Widespread fraud, lies, and criminality of the elite and well-connected? Besides Madoff, I haven't seen any perp-walks. Shitty, insanely overpriced houses that require families to stretch unrealistically and spend 40, 50, or 60% of their take-home income? People are out there buying these properties every single day.

With that said, I'm not shutting down the blog anytime soon. I still want to be a source of good information, perspective, and, of course, humor. It's just that I can see ending credits just over the horizon and this a good opportunity to acknowledge everyone who has made this such a great ride so far.

So, here is RE in the LBC's 404th post featuring The Jackass of Month, possibly of the year. I hope you enjoy it. Thanks to Dfret for sending this one in.

61 THE COLONNADE, CA 90803
Wishing Price: $999,000
Beds: 2
Baths: 1
Sq. Ft.: 777
$/Sq. Ft.: $1,286
Lot Size: 2,000 Sq. Ft.
Year Built: 1946
Community: Belmont Shore/Park/Naples/Marina Pacific/Bay Harbor
MLS#: R1001219
On Redfin: 21 days
Down Payment: $200,000
Income Requirement: $285,000
Monthly Nut: $5,700 (6% Jumbo)
Descritpion: LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION 2 BEDROOM DOLL HOUSE RIGHT ON THE CORNER OF THE COLONNADE AND THE TOLEDO. FANTASTIC VIEW OF THE BAY AND THE COLONNADE FOUNTAIN OFF THE QUAINT FRONT PORCH. Custom amenities include, custom Plantation Shutters(living room and master Bdr. ) Remodled Bathroom (Marble and Travertine. Custom hardwood floors. Antique Brass Bartop off custom kitchen, with transparent stained oak cabinetry, Jenn-air built in range, new sharp microwave, new built-in U-line refrig. Custom stained glass front door. Garage multi-purpose room, drywalled, insulation, paint, carpet, new laundry & storage. Self contained for office or multi-purpose use. New lighting and door opener. STANDARD SALE

"Remodled"? In a million dollar listing? Good lord.

Here we have an old-timer, stuffed to the gills with long-time-owner equity, taking his shot at the American Dream(tm) of avarice, ignorance, and all-out, unbridled, greed-faced dumbfuckery.

This shitheel actually believes he's entitled to $1,286 per dilapidated, woefully outdated square foot.

$1,286!

How are the summers on planet Freebase?

It appears as if the "LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION" has gotten to this misguided seller's (empty) head. A million clams for this dust bin?! I mean, just look at this kitchen:



And is this location, on the corner of a busy traffic circle, really that prime?

This seller clearly has their medical marijuana card (Glaucoma, you see), because despite bragging about the "remodled" bathroom in the description, they neglected to include a photo of what I imagine would be the only thing keeping the house from being a complete tear-down. If that bathroom was so impressive, it seems to me you would have included a photo in place of one of those six shots of the porch.

Instead we get these beauties:


Can't you just smell the Werther's Originals?

I have a hard time believing this is what people in the market for $1,000,000 homes had in mind.

The property taxes for 2009 were a paltry $1,697, based on a valuation of $157,345. Which makes me wonder: Why sell and eliminate your Prop 13 golden goose? Why not just pass it on to family and keep that massive taxpayer-subsidized pony in the stable?

This doesn't appear to be a probate sale (although the pricing sure is indicative of scumbag next of kin trying to get rich off of Grandma's demise), so it really doesn't make sense. The land value alone makes this a multi-generational keeper.

But the reason for selling doesn't matter because this place will never fucking sell for this ridiculous, fundamentally greedtarded asking price. It will never happen.

Where does this pricing strategy (namely, the decision to be the second most expensive listing on a price-per-square-foot basis in the entire city of Long Beach) even come from?

The most expensive rentals in Naples and Belmont Shore are in the $2,500 - $2,700 range -- half the monthly nut of owning this dump. Fundamentals, anyone?

Furthermore, the biggest sale in Naples during the last six months was for $650,000 and it was nicer, more spacious, on a bigger lot, and about 200 feet from the water.

Oh, it gets even more nonsensical.

Because apparently their genius realtor is the only one in the business without access to the MLS. If he had it, he would know there is a competing house literally 60 yards away that's twice as big, and twenty times as nice, asking $995,000:

Absolutely everything has been re-done or upgraded. Just check out this second-story deck:

Now that's a million dollar listing!

So, uh, yeah...good luck with that $1,286 per square foot, dipshit. In the meantime we'll be waiting with bated breath for that massive price reduction.