A Man's Sport

After reading some recent posts, a dear friend noted that I'm awfully negative and really bash the hell out of sellers. I tried to defend my position and explain that delusional sellers put themselves out there for ridicule and that harsh treatment by yours truly is not only well deserved, but necessary.

I mean, imagine if there weren't countervailing voices out there? Buyers (especially those in Long Beach, which is a seemingly forgotten real estate market--largely devoid of newspaper coverage) might get suckered into a financially perilous situation, as so many former "owners" did when they listened to biased, one-sided, commission-driven, largely unchallenged horseshit like "they're not making any more land," "we're definitely at the bottom" and "prices always go up."

I thought I had recently lightened up--especially since the early days of the blog--there was some real venom in those days--but from his outside perspective I was still oozing with negativity. So from now on I promise to be more positive.

Well, actually, I promise to be more positive after today. Because...

WOULD YOU LOOK AT THIS GREED-FACED, MONEY-HUMPING, KOOL-AID-MAINLINING, GOLDBRICKING SHIT BIRD?

261 GRAND Ave, 90803
Beds: 2
Baths: 1
Asking Price: $639,000
Sq. Ft.: 968
$/Sq. Ft.: $660 (!)
Lot Size: 3,696 Sq. Ft.
Year Built: 1919
MLS#: P701487
Source: SoCalMLS
On Redfin: 85 days
Down Payment: $127,800
Income Requirement (4x income): $160,000
Monthly Nut: $3,500
Description: 2 bedroom, 1 bath + office; Remodeled 2009 Modern Craftsman Style home on a quiet street in Belmont Heights, 1/2 Mile to the Beach. Exterior features include, custom paint work, new window screens, newly painted porch, easy to maintain landscape, Custom Dual Pane Front Glass, Custom made front/back screen doors, Beveled glass added to front/back door. Timed sprinkler system and Malibu lights to show off this great exterior!Interior features include, refinished hardwood floors, new electric system to include recessed lighting, dimmer switches, TV swivels, ceiling fans and Custom Wiring for your Entertainment Systems. Architectural styles preserved; rebuilt china hutch, closet doors and molding. Bathroom features include new copper plumbing, Body Wash Sprayer Shower & new tub with Air Bath System. Kitchen upgrades include custom made crown molding , Under mount lighting added, Frosted Kitchen Panel glass and Glass Tile Back Splash finishes this beautiful kitchen.

He's got a set of brass balls attempting to sell in this environment for such a precious sum, I'll give him that. This System of a Down lyric immediately came to mind:

I play Russian roulette everyday, a man's sport,
With a bullet called life, yeah mama called life,(sugar)

It's always a bad idea to have the most expensive (second-most, in this case) listing in a given area, but that didn't stop this guy:

	$425,000 3422 VISTA St	0.2 miles 2 bd / 1.75 ba 850 Sq. Ft.
	$589,000 3626 East VERMONT St	0.25 miles 2 bd / 1 ba 1,180 Sq. Ft.
	$459,000 3601 East 6TH St	0.46 miles 2 bd / 1.25 ba 1,028 Sq. Ft.
	$579,000 325 PROSPECT Ave	0.47 miles 3 bd / 2 ba 1,100 Sq. Ft.
	$450,000 3034 East BROADWAY	0.47 miles 2 bd / 1 ba 864 Sq. Ft.
	$409,000 4512 East VERMONT St	0.54 miles 1 bd / 1 ba 888 Sq. Ft.
	$749,000 273 ROYCROFT Ave	0.57 miles 2 bd / 1 ba 1,200 Sq. Ft.
	$529,000 4437 East 6TH St	0.65 miles 2 bd / 2 ba 1,044 Sq. Ft.
	$435,000 781 ROSWELL Ave	0.73 miles 3 bd / 1 ba 902 Sq. Ft.
	$379,000 760 FREEMAN Ave	0.76 miles 2 bd / 1 ba 1,030 Sq. Ft.

Mind you, during the last six months, nothing has sold for anywhere close to $639,000. Not by a long shot.

	$505,000 372 GRAND Ave Sold on Nov 18, 2009	0.26 miles 2 bd / 1 ba 1,006 Sq. Ft.
	$390,000 3637 East VERMONT St Sold on Jun 05, 2009	0.28 miles 2 bd / 1 ba 888 Sq. Ft.
	$460,000 3226 East VISTA St Sold on May 31, 2009	0.32 miles 2 bd / 1 ba 924 Sq. Ft.
	$451,000 537 TERMINO Ave Sold on Oct 30, 2009	0.45 miles 2 bd / 2 ba 937 Sq. Ft.
	$410,000 615 LOMA Ave Sold on Oct 06, 2009	0.48 miles 2 bd / 1 ba 1,068 Sq. Ft.
	$451,800 627 LOMA Ave Sold on Aug 08, 2009	0.5 miles 2 bd / 1 ba 1,088 Sq. Ft.
	$486,000 602 CORONADO Ave Sold on Nov 03, 2009	0.53 miles 2 bd / 1 ba 1,134 Sq. Ft.

So what was this guy thinking coming on the market at a belief-suspending $660 per square foot?

"I'm special," that's what.

Don't get me wrong, this is a nice house in a great neighborhood. It features every flipper accoutrement, including granite, (too much) tile work, stainless appliances, hardwood floors, and crown molding. I think it's a bit over-upgraded and looks too much like a paint-by-numbers flip job, but the fact remains you wouldn't need to put one thin dime into this place. And for that he deserves a premium.



But he's been rotting on the MLS for nearly three months with no price reductions--the calling card of someone with a case of Greedfluenza (Swine Fool?).

And speaking of pigs, you can slap on as much lipstick, mascara, and rouge as you want, but it's still only a 2-bed, 1-bath plus office crammed into 968 square feet. Do whatever you want to spruce up and upgrade a property, but the one thing you can't do is make it bigger.

And how about a picture of the front of the house? 16 photos and not one shot of the curbside view? Really?

This seller purchased in March 2008 for $605,000 (after the property had spent nearly a year on the market). After putting some work into the house (the listing from the 2008 sale shows the kitchen, patio, backyard, interior paint, and hardwood floors had already been upgraded), it went on the market this September for $639,000.

Some might say 17 months is a long timeline for a true "flip," but it's clear this person never really intended to live here long-term. Or at least could never afford to.

I have no idea how much this guy put into upgrades, but it's safe to say that after commissions he will be staring at a big, smoking crater in any bank account reserved for anticipated profits.

And that's assuming he can find a buyer for this crazy, please-someone-come-along-and-answer-my-prayers-for-breaking-even-on-my-horrendous-malinvestment asking price.

This thing is way overpriced. Or maybe I'm missing something about this property? What I do know is that the average price per square foot of sold properties in 90803 is about $470.

Is this place worth an extra $190 per square foot? Only the market knows for sure, but I'm going to say no.

What I find most interesting is this house sold for $515,000 in 2003, before all the upgrades. For '03 that's a lot of money for 968 non-upgraded square feet!

As you know I love these little bungalows. But some sellers are straight up smoking Plymouth Rocks if they think they can get these insane prices.