Misquoted

This "realtor" has a "quotation mark" problem:


Address: 24 3rd Place, 90802
Asking Price: $289,000
Year Built: 1953
Size: 1 bed, 1 bath, 739 sq. ft.
$/Sq. Ft.: $391
HOA Fine: $200
Purchase price: $359,000 (!)
Purchase date: 9/2005
MLS#: S08134941
On Redfin: 3 days
Down Payment: $57,800
Monthly Payment: $2,000
Income Requirement: $72,250
Description: Rare opportunity to buy "on teh beach" condo via a Short Sale. One bedroom (easily fits king size bed) with one bathroom which includes corian counter top. The unit features 739 square feet of living space which feels much larger, entry way, separate dining room, kitchen "With a View", complex laundry room, complex storage room for bikes, blades, beach gear and all else to fit hyour lifestyle. Low monthly HOAs. This unit is not only located "on the beach" but it is also close to "Everything" in Long Beach including Convention Center and Shoreline Village. This is a must see home!

This “old ass” apartment is not in fact “on teh beach” as the description so boldly (falsely) claims. The building is technically “on teh beach,” but there is a considerable “difference” between an “ocean facing” unit and a “street facing” one.

I am actually “warming up” to the idea of living in a 1 bedroom—so long as it has “ocean views.” As far as “investments” go, looking at the sand is a pretty good bet—despite the “proximity premium.” However, this particular place is “severely overpriced” at $289,000. Mostly because it’s “on the street” and “totally unimpressive” with its "lack of upgrades," “horrendous kitchen" and “Tijuana Timber” bathroom cabinetry.




$391 per square foot is "a joke without a punchline" and is indicative of “mental instability.” Again, perhaps you can climb up “on your stove” and crane your neck out the window to enjoy the “kitchen With a View,” but without the ability to actually see the ocean without "scaling your ancient appliances" there is absolutely no way to “justify” this insane asking price.

The agent claims this place will fit “hyour lifestyle,” but my lifestyle doesn’t involve paying $2,000 a month for a place with a “complex laundry room.” I also could not rationalize “buying” this tiny apartment when I could “rent” for nearly “half” that. The “listing” doesn’t “mention” the “parking situation” but the information is conspicuously absent. For a place in a “parking-heavy” area of Long Beach, this seems like an “important” thing to ”mention.”

In addition to the “laundry and parking situations,” I cannot “fathom” paying $202 a month in HOA fines for a place with “no pool” or “gym.”


As you can see, this outdated shoebox was “purchased” for $359,000 near the “peak” of the “housing bubble”—making a sale of this lint trap a “losing proposition” to the tune of -$69,000 plus commissions in just “three years.” That “represents” a 25% "haircut" from the 2005 price. That’s “gotta hurt.”

And of course that is “assuming” the bank “approves” the short sale. As we know by now, short sales are a “complete waste of time” and I’m not “holding my breath.”

You will also “notice” that this dust bin was "purchased" for less than $100,000 just “eight years ago.” I nearly “shit myself” when I saw that 31.9% annual appreciation figure. “Housing bubble,” anyone?

Dec 20, 1996 - $50,000
Dec 28, 2000 - $98,500 (18.4%/yr appreciation)
Sep 01, 2005 - $359,000 (31.9%/yr appreciation)

If we are “extremely generous” and calculate a 4% “appreciation rate” since 2000, “present value” is $134,804. That “price” is consistent with “fundamentals” such as “local incomes” and “rental parity.”

The “good news” is that within the first three days on the market, the price has been “slashed” by -$20,000, indicating an acknowledgement that this place is “doomed” anywhere near its current asking price. Keep dropping this aggressively, idiots, and you "might" just snag a rube “flush with cash.”

But given the “recent economic woes" don’t “quote me on that.”