Monday, May 10, 2010

One in the Temple

Address: 2501 TEMPLE Ave #205, Signal Hill, CA 90755
Wishing Price: $379,000
Beds: 2
Baths: 2
Sq. Ft.: 1,179
$/Sq. Ft.: $321
Year Built: 1983
Community: Signal Hill
MLS#: 10-441365
On Redfin: 30 days
HOA: ?
Down Payment: $76,000/$15,000 (FHA)
Income Requirement: $87,000
Monthly Nut: $2,300/$2,700 (FHA)
Description: Elegant condo in prime location. Home boasts laminate wood flooring, central air & heat, washer & dryer, big beautiful fireplace, and a large balcony with view of the mountains. Separate shoots [SIC] for trash and recyclables. Residents enjoy a pool, jacuzzi, clubhouse, BBQ area, tennis court, and a serene courtyard area with a gazebo. HOA dues include basic cable. View this home now before it is sold!

The first sentence of the description, which only contains five words, features two bald-faced lies! This condo is "elegant"?


And this is a "prime" location?

Naples is a prime location, Signal Hill is a crime location.

Second of all, how are separate "shoots" (anyone with beyond a 3rd-grade reading comprehension knows it should be "chutes") even worth noting? Who gives a crap? You're just doing the trash company's job for them by separating your recyclables anyhow.

But what really caught my eye was the wishing price. Yet another bubble hibernator who missed the memo about the largest residential real estate crash in the history of the world. $379,000 is pure peak pricing, and this dummy has no idea how ridiculous he looks.

This dreamer--ERRR...seller purchased right near the peak of the bubble for $387,500 and honestly believes $379,000 is such an attractive price that you'd better "View this home now before it is sold!"

Is he serious? Does he honestly believe this thing will get snapped up that quickly? Furthermore, if he really did believe that, then why even bother saying it? Seems to me if it's really such an "elegant" condo in a "prime" area, it shouldn't even need a description. A quick sale would speak for itself, wouldn't it?

The only way this piece of donkey dung is selling is on the courthouse steps.

This delusional moron not only missed out on news of the Great Housing Bubble's demise, but apparently also doesn't even pay attention to things happening right under his nose. To wit, an identical unit in this building sold three months ago...for $293,031.


And this REO sold in January for a mere $234,900.

"But el bee, distressed properties don't count as comps!"

In this 'hood distressed properties are the market. They're pretty much the only comps. And you're smoking Schoolhouse Rocks if you think those sales don't affect values of non-distressed properties (FYI, the featured apartment is a distressed property. Whether he acknowledges it or not, the fact is he is severely underwater, and thus, distressed. Which means he needs to be priced like his fellow distressed properties or else stop paying the note. Either way, he's toast. There is no good option here).

I don't even need to browse Craigslist to tell you this place doesn't rent for the $2,700 an FHA buyer would need to cough up every month. Hell, even if a buyer put down 20% (unlikely in this lending climate, in this neighborhood), the monthly cash layout would still be $2,300.

Dude, NO WAY this thing is renting for that kind of money. Not even close.

Needless to say, this price is also horrendously out of line with local incomes. The median household, which earns $48,938 per year, would have to pull in double that to reasonably afford this lackluster apartment. This price is like an enigma wrapped in a tortilla of mystery, nestled in a glove box of cryptograms.

But I'm not going to ruin his lil' party. In fact, I'm a really big fan of the Parade of Delusion and I'm going to grab some cotton candy, sit back in my camping chair, and enjoy the show. Because this price (along with the inevitable, completely futile price cuts) is just too entertaining to pass up.


  1. Prime location?
    Is this a good example of puffing?

  2. Although I agree that this glorified apt is not even close to where it should be in price(250-275K IMO), I have to respectfully disagree about the crime in Signal Hill. If you are talking about the west side bordered by Orange and Cherry,PCH and Wardlow; I agree.
    The actual hill is a little oasis in the middle of the jungle. Having their own police force certainly helps. Signal Hill proper is not a bad place givent that it is not a thoroughfare for impatient commuters. I call it the poor man's Palos Verdes. Prices are still way too high though.

  3. Anon,

    To each his own...but you have to admit this line is pretty funny!

    Naples is a prime location, Signal Hill is a crime location.

  4. Naples is a prime location, Signal Hill is a crime location...


    Seriously anon..250k...a QUARTER MILLION, for an outdated apartment? Not a chance. This shit WILL opinion, of course. In reality I hope we do not have a systemic failure. BUT....
    The Gov't is kicking the can as hard as they can (guaranteeing Euro debt??). We can bury our heads in the sand and buy or just rent and party on. Just cause it hasn't happened in our lifetime(yet) does not mean it won't happen.

    I am parting, then again, I'm getting old.

  5. Dude seriously, you should be a writer. You're good at analyzing real estate, but your writing material is second to none.

    As for this place, what's up with the wooden crown molding, but then the white framing on the bottoms? I'm no remodel expert by any stretch, but that seems tacky as hell.

    Also, when I saw that kitchen, I just KNEW you were going to shoot it like Rambo at a duck hunt.

    Reading your blog, I've learned a lot about what to look for, and it's weird that there are so many kitchens that look awful, even when the rest of the place isn't that bad. I mean the rest of the place will be up to date, but the kitchen will still be back in the 60s.

    Anyways, I'd pay MAYBE $250K for this place, and that's depending upon how large the HOA fine/penalty is.

    Oh yeah, and lol at "crime location"!