Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Dumbass of the Decade

2525 East OCEAN Blvd, Long Beach, CA 90803
Wishing Price: $2,799,999
Beds: 4
Baths: 4
Sq. Ft.: 4,100
$/Sq. Ft.: $683 (!)
Year Built: 1953
Community: Belmont Heights/Alamitos Heights
MLS#: P725816
On Redfin: 73 days
Down Payment: $700,000 (25%)
Income Requirement: $600,000 (mortgage/3.5x)/$800,000 (home price/3.5x)
Monthly Nut: $15,000 (HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!)
Description: One of a kind location. Mid Century designed by Shelly & Merchant. Located on Ocean in Bluff Park with Catalina and Ocean Views. Unobstructed and panoramic views of the Queen Mary down to Huntington Beach. Private interior courtyard, plus a game room with fire pit and electric fireplace. Game room opens to the back yard with room for a pool This is a great home for entertaining with most of the original charachter in place. There are 3 fireplaces; located in the living room, master bedroom and upstairs den. There is a bedroom and bath downstairs and a full laundry room/craft room/ breakfast room off the kitchen. Perfect space for in-laws, maid or nanny. Regular Sale, owner may carry with 25% down.

Want to see something amazing?

Mar 12, 2010 - Listed $2,799,999
Jan 08, 2009 - Delisted
Nov 22, 2008 - Price Changed
Oct 20, 2008 - Listed
Oct 13, 2007 - Delisted
Sep 27, 2007 - Price Changed
Jul 14, 2007 - Listed
Jun 14, 2007 - Delisted
Feb 01, 2007 - Delisted
Jan 12, 2007 - Listed
Aug 08, 2006 - Listed
Jun 29, 2006 - Delisted
Mar 20, 2006 - Listed
Mar 17, 2006 - Delisted
Oct 05, 2005 - Listed
Sep 21, 2005 - Delisted
Jun 20, 2005 - Listed
Jun 18, 2005 - Delisted
Apr 05, 2005 - Delisted
Apr 01, 2005 - Listed
Feb 07, 2005 - Listed
Feb 01, 2005 - Delisted
Nov 17, 2004 - Listed
Nov 10, 2004 - Delisted
Aug 13, 2004 - Listed
Aug 04, 2004 - Delisted
May 25, 2004 - Listed
Nov 02, 1999 - Sold $777,500

They have been trying to sell this joint, off and on, since 2004.


The sheer level of denial is fascinating.

"Well gee, Carol. I don't know what more we can do. We got designers from Disneyland's Haunted Mansion to stage it, took 11 whole pictures, and hired a realtor who hasn't quite mastered the English language...why hasn't it sold?"

"I don't know, Phil. Do you think maybe we're asking too much money?"

"Don't be a fucking idiot, Carol. $3 million for a place with this much 'charachter' is a goddamn steal!"

This has to be the dumbest son of a bitch I've ever featured on this blog. Just utterly stupid and delusional beyond comprehension.

A further look into the history and we see that Captain Nutjob here purchased in 1999 for a mere $777,500. $190 per square foot is a pretty damn good deal considering the location.

And now, a decade later, he's demanding a whopping TWO MILLION DOLLAR premium?! For that kind of appreciation you would expect some extensive renovations and improvements, right?


Is this a fucking joke?

How is this even a real listing? And how can the agent take herself seriously after standing behind her client's bullshit wishing price? Isn't she positively mortified talking to potential buyers?

She must dread the moment during every tour when buyers ask, "So, what's the most recent listing price?"

I imagine her gulping and having the same familiar internal dialogue to steel herself:

"Crap, here we go. Come on, keep a straight face. You can do this. Remember, they're not laughing at you. They're just not savvy. Yeah, it's them. Not you. You're great at what you do. You are. And after 2,000 days on the market, $2.8 million makes perfect sense. Sell it, girl! You can do this...well, you have to do this. You ate the last Top Ramen this morning."

This listing price of $2,799,999 has to be a mistake. It just has to be. If not, then someone needs to explain to me why this cobwebbed piece of shit is one of the most expensive listings in the entire city of Long Beach.

The funniest thing about this dilapidated dump is the listing mentions "room for a pool." For $2.8 million clams, there better be an Olympic pool staffed 24 hours a day by Rachel Bilson, Natalie Portman, and Marisa Miller...and their twins.

And, if you're a longtime reader I'm sure you noticed there are no photos of the kitchen or any of the four bathrooms. And as a longtime reader I'm sure you know what that means: The kitchen and bathrooms are complete disasters that need to be gutted immediately.

That's right: A 2.8 million dollar fixer-upper.

Any sane person, before dropping $2.8 mil on this vomitorium, would save themselves a cool mil and buy this bad boy:

But maybe those with $700,000 to put down and an eagerness to pay a $15,000 monthly nut would comparison shop and look at sold comps. And they might notice this amazing property that just sold in Naples for $2.9 million:

Our seller really believes his flea-infested stink bomb can compete with that house?


Mike in LBC sent a link to a LBPOST article citing that ridiculous Trulia/RealtyTrac survey that claims "six in 10 people would not walk away from their mortgage no matter of how far underwater they are." In the comments I posited that without asking the respondents "Do you believe you are currently underwater?" the findings are utterly worthless.


How many properties have you seen featured on this blog where the debtowner is pricing as if the bubble never burst? Countless.

My point is if people aren't aware they are underwater (because they believe their properties are "special," are bubble deniers, or are just plain stupid) then asking them whether they'd walk away is completely, utterly moot.

It's tantamount to asking a 400-pound dude in the middle of gorging himself at Chronic Taco, "Hey pal, would you steal a loaf of bread if you were starving?"
"NOM NOM NOM. No way, dude. NOM NOM NOM."

Well of course not. Because he's not starving and can't picture a day when he would be in that position. But if he was suddenly out of money and had nothing to eat, you'd better believe he'd waddle out of Trader Joe's with some shoplifted rolls stashed in his fat rolls.

Anyhow, I can just picture this brain-damaged imbecile high-fiving himself every morning, congratulating himself on hitting the lottery.

"I'm going to be rich! Any day now a buyer will come by and I'll be rewarded for buying before the bubble. Damn, I'm smart. And special too. Man, I can't wait to collect on my well-deserved bubble riches!"

And I can't wait for the day when he and his realtor realize just how incredibly stupid they've been about the value of this shitty, outdated house and realize just how much money they passed up by sticking to this misguided pricing strategy.

After six years of living in denial, I bet that's gonna hurt.


  1. I am sure that the fact the Dow is now under 10K and unemployment continues to be an issue will surely produce the savant these people have been waiting for. Just as there are guidelines in the courts for frivolous lawsuits, there should be guidelines for listing homes at ridiculous prices. I say that and I still see '50s era tract homes in Seal Beach selling for 800K. Temecula is looking more and more appealing at $100 sf! At least you get a pool there. No need for Al Qaeda to keep trying to destroy this country. It is self destructing all on its own.

  2. What is with all the frakking plastic plants?! Clearly everyone is asleep at the wheel when they can't pass this Staging 101 step. I think this house is worth, well, $700,000. I guess that puts us back into 2000 prices?

  3. So the building next door can just look down on to the back yard and there is no privacy?

    Is there something about this bit of land that is special beyond the Ocean Blvd address? Maybe we're missing something. Or they're just insane.

  4. Julio Aparicio Gored! Is that freakin horn comin outta his piehole? LOL!

  5. What Pinkfu said.

    That's what never ceases to amaze me about so much of Long Beach property. They want to charge these outrageous prices, and those prices require total delusion to relate to. I mean it's great to have a yard, but if you have a BUILDING next door where windows look right into your yard? Heck they might as well install a webcam and create a pay per view website!

    And so much of Long Beach is like that - a house and then a MULTI-UNIT BUILDING next door. I CAN'T STAND THAT ISH!!!!!!!!!!!

    And I'm certainly not in the million dollar buyer category (unfortunately), but if I was, I certainly wouldn't want to up my hard-earned money for the "privilege" of living next to a multi-unit building.

    When you have a house, there's a mutual interest there. Home-owners who want to maintain their property, and the general welfare of the area. In multi-unit dwellings however, you have RENTERS, many of whom are there for a very temporary excursion, and that is where all kinds of "fun" can take place.

    Paying big money to deal with THAT?!?!?!

    Well if people of this crazy new PC generation are willing to do that with that big an investment of their money, God bless.

    How the heck though, do you enjoy a "private oasis" in your backyard, when you have multiple neighbor windows over you like some big aquarium display?

    Maybe it's just me.

  6. just found your blog - hilarious! funny and well put. Here's a doozy for you in my n-hood I walked by the other day and thought, you gotta be kidding me. and to cover that kind of mortgage with college student rentals? c'mon? http://www.redfin.com/CA/Long-Beach/6120-E-Marita-St-90815/home/7581394

  7. There are a lot of nutty owners out there. The following owner is also in that group..... http://www.redfin.com/CA/Long-Beach/2146-Rutgers-Ave-90815/home/7579933

    $542/sq ft.....

  8. You gotta love California. It's like the Magic Happy Sprinkles that the hippies scattered around back in the 60's never washed away.

  9. Dude, like WTF is with that out-of-control flower arrangement cover the 1977 orange "blacksmith center" in the middle of the damn living room?

    That has to be the scariest photo ever posted ...and not because of the flower arrangement but rather because of that NEGLECTED SEWING MACHINE IN THE CORNER!!!! Ahhhh, OMG, Buffalo Bill lives there!

  10. The current market is only 10 cents on the dollar. I wonder if this seller would accept $270,000?

  11. I came of age in Southern California. The real estate in my view has been grossly out of wack and entirely ridiculous, since 1975. It is just finally being recognized. I sick of these 'buyers' crying like little girls over their mistakes. Anyone IMHO who paid enormous amounts of money for real estate far beyond real and honest value, esp. for average houses deserves to eat it now, just not at the expense of those who didn't fall for this BS.

  12. First, your assessment is 100% correct. However, please let me offer one suggestion:

    Perhaps this person is delusional, but they are also a predator, to wit:

    delusional: "a persistent false psychotic belief regarding the self or persons or objects outside the self that is maintained despite indisputable evidence to the contrary"

    predator: "one that victimizes, plunders, or destroys, especially for one's own gain"

    A person that flagrantly seeks to disadvantage another for such an extended period must, with 100% certainty, be attempting to defraud.

    A pox on this person and all like him.

  13. Maybe there's oil under there!

  14. Man that's was funny. Well done sir!

  15. Epic rant. Epic. Loved it.

  16. he probably used the list price to do a cash-out refi everytime he listed it. so his tinyr down payment on the original purshace in 1999 has generated $2+ million cash flow in the last 10 years.

    now, if he cannot sell or re-fi, he can just walk away.

    smart guy.

  17. To me this "real estate" looks like the institution for treating mentally ill people.

  18. I checked the Redfin listing as of June 3 at 11:15 am Pacific time and not only is the price still the same, but so is the "charachter" typo!

    And any agent that lets plastic plants, other 1970s kitsch, etc. into the picture, well, wow. Either she has no clue, no balls to stand up the owner and tell them to "neutralize", or thinks prospective buyers have low expectations.

    Just breathtaking all around!

  19. this is typical California for you.

    insane bubbles, those days are "OVER"

    option arms
    sub-prime loans

    these are the cause and the effect is following.

    no more loans, housing will crash around there feet.

    no more jobs

    it's all over

  20. let me just add, this is the "BANKS" way of thinking too. T
    he glut of property on the "avaliable" market now exceeds 2 1/2 yrs.
    Las Vegas has inventory for years and years and years.


  21. I bet the seller is already underwater with all of the HELOCS he probably took out by now....

  22. Wow, thanks! I really needed the laugh, BTW, that building next door looks pretty "institutional", have any inmates escaped and put this non-renovated POS on the market, or, worse, did they get a real estate license as part of their therapy prior to escape?

  23. Just like Chucky Prince said:

    When the music stops, in terms of liquidity, things will be complicated. But as long as the music is playing, you’ve got to get up and dance. We’re still dancing. (July 2007)

    Same concept with the debtowners. As long as there is another sucker to pawn their overpriced piece-of-shit off on, the music keeps playing. Sounds like a broken record to a renter waiting for the market to bottom.

  24. The owner of the Ocean Ave. property is running for a government seat this election cycle. Imagine him handling taxpayer's money!!!

  25. Awesome oil rig views!

  26. Looks like the owner filed a housing discrimination lawsuit in January of 2008 after using the house for years as an ATM.

  27. Come on down to New York City and see delusional sellers with inflated prices all day. Sadly, this trend is affecting all the major cities around the country. I cannot wait for the day when this unsutainable pricing strategy comes to bite them in the a$$ and smarter potential buyers like those who've posted here who sat on the sidelines and didn't drink the Kool-Aid believing in fairy tale prices have their day of justice. It's coming, be patient, because we the buyer control the market and not the seller. Anything that is sold in this world can only be sold for what someone is willing to pay for it and that is indeed the "true" value.

  28. Does anyone know if Shelly & Merchant designed any houses in Oregon? I'd like to buy one but I can't find any mention of them on the Internet.