Dumbass of the Decade

2525 East OCEAN Blvd, Long Beach, CA 90803
Wishing Price: $2,799,999
Beds: 4
Baths: 4
Sq. Ft.: 4,100
$/Sq. Ft.: $683 (!)
Year Built: 1953
Community: Belmont Heights/Alamitos Heights
MLS#: P725816
On Redfin: 73 days
Down Payment: $700,000 (25%)
Income Requirement: $600,000 (mortgage/3.5x)/$800,000 (home price/3.5x)
Monthly Nut: $15,000 (HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!)
Description: One of a kind location. Mid Century designed by Shelly & Merchant. Located on Ocean in Bluff Park with Catalina and Ocean Views. Unobstructed and panoramic views of the Queen Mary down to Huntington Beach. Private interior courtyard, plus a game room with fire pit and electric fireplace. Game room opens to the back yard with room for a pool This is a great home for entertaining with most of the original charachter in place. There are 3 fireplaces; located in the living room, master bedroom and upstairs den. There is a bedroom and bath downstairs and a full laundry room/craft room/ breakfast room off the kitchen. Perfect space for in-laws, maid or nanny. Regular Sale, owner may carry with 25% down.

Want to see something amazing?

Mar 12, 2010 - Listed $2,799,999
Jan 08, 2009 - Delisted
Nov 22, 2008 - Price Changed
Oct 20, 2008 - Listed
Oct 13, 2007 - Delisted
Sep 27, 2007 - Price Changed
Jul 14, 2007 - Listed
Jun 14, 2007 - Delisted
Feb 01, 2007 - Delisted
Jan 12, 2007 - Listed
Aug 08, 2006 - Listed
Jun 29, 2006 - Delisted
Mar 20, 2006 - Listed
Mar 17, 2006 - Delisted
Oct 05, 2005 - Listed
Sep 21, 2005 - Delisted
Jun 20, 2005 - Listed
Jun 18, 2005 - Delisted
Apr 05, 2005 - Delisted
Apr 01, 2005 - Listed
Feb 07, 2005 - Listed
Feb 01, 2005 - Delisted
Nov 17, 2004 - Listed
Nov 10, 2004 - Delisted
Aug 13, 2004 - Listed
Aug 04, 2004 - Delisted
May 25, 2004 - Listed
Nov 02, 1999 - Sold $777,500

They have been trying to sell this joint, off and on, since 2004.

2004!

The sheer level of denial is fascinating.

"Well gee, Carol. I don't know what more we can do. We got designers from Disneyland's Haunted Mansion to stage it, took 11 whole pictures, and hired a realtor who hasn't quite mastered the English language...why hasn't it sold?"

"I don't know, Phil. Do you think maybe we're asking too much money?"

"Don't be a fucking idiot, Carol. $3 million for a place with this much 'charachter' is a goddamn steal!"

This has to be the dumbest son of a bitch I've ever featured on this blog. Just utterly stupid and delusional beyond comprehension.

A further look into the history and we see that Captain Nutjob here purchased in 1999 for a mere $777,500. $190 per square foot is a pretty damn good deal considering the location.

And now, a decade later, he's demanding a whopping TWO MILLION DOLLAR premium?! For that kind of appreciation you would expect some extensive renovations and improvements, right?



WRONG.

Is this a fucking joke?

How is this even a real listing? And how can the agent take herself seriously after standing behind her client's bullshit wishing price? Isn't she positively mortified talking to potential buyers?

She must dread the moment during every tour when buyers ask, "So, what's the most recent listing price?"

I imagine her gulping and having the same familiar internal dialogue to steel herself:

"Crap, here we go. Come on, keep a straight face. You can do this. Remember, they're not laughing at you. They're just not savvy. Yeah, it's them. Not you. You're great at what you do. You are. And after 2,000 days on the market, $2.8 million makes perfect sense. Sell it, girl! You can do this...well, you have to do this. You ate the last Top Ramen this morning."

This listing price of $2,799,999 has to be a mistake. It just has to be. If not, then someone needs to explain to me why this cobwebbed piece of shit is one of the most expensive listings in the entire city of Long Beach.

The funniest thing about this dilapidated dump is the listing mentions "room for a pool." For $2.8 million clams, there better be an Olympic pool staffed 24 hours a day by Rachel Bilson, Natalie Portman, and Marisa Miller...and their twins.

And, if you're a longtime reader I'm sure you noticed there are no photos of the kitchen or any of the four bathrooms. And as a longtime reader I'm sure you know what that means: The kitchen and bathrooms are complete disasters that need to be gutted immediately.

That's right: A 2.8 million dollar fixer-upper.

Any sane person, before dropping $2.8 mil on this vomitorium, would save themselves a cool mil and buy this bad boy:


But maybe those with $700,000 to put down and an eagerness to pay a $15,000 monthly nut would comparison shop and look at sold comps. And they might notice this amazing property that just sold in Naples for $2.9 million:


Our seller really believes his flea-infested stink bomb can compete with that house?

REALLY?!

Mike in LBC sent a link to a LBPOST article citing that ridiculous Trulia/RealtyTrac survey that claims "six in 10 people would not walk away from their mortgage no matter of how far underwater they are." In the comments I posited that without asking the respondents "Do you believe you are currently underwater?" the findings are utterly worthless.

The reason? BECAUSE MOST SELLERS -- INCLUDING THIS NUMBSKULL -- ARE COMPLETELY OUT TO LUNCH WHEN IT COMES TO PERCEPTIONS OF WHAT THEIR PROPERTIES ARE "WORTH."

How many properties have you seen featured on this blog where the debtowner is pricing as if the bubble never burst? Countless.

My point is if people aren't aware they are underwater (because they believe their properties are "special," are bubble deniers, or are just plain stupid) then asking them whether they'd walk away is completely, utterly moot.

It's tantamount to asking a 400-pound dude in the middle of gorging himself at Chronic Taco, "Hey pal, would you steal a loaf of bread if you were starving?"

"NOM NOM NOM. No way, dude. NOM NOM NOM."

Well of course not. Because he's not starving and can't picture a day when he would be in that position. But if he was suddenly out of money and had nothing to eat, you'd better believe he'd waddle out of Trader Joe's with some shoplifted rolls stashed in his fat rolls.

Anyhow, I can just picture this brain-damaged imbecile high-fiving himself every morning, congratulating himself on hitting the lottery.

"I'm going to be rich! Any day now a buyer will come by and I'll be rewarded for buying before the bubble. Damn, I'm smart. And special too. Man, I can't wait to collect on my well-deserved bubble riches!"

And I can't wait for the day when he and his realtor realize just how incredibly stupid they've been about the value of this shitty, outdated house and realize just how much money they passed up by sticking to this misguided pricing strategy.

After six years of living in denial, I bet that's gonna hurt.

"YNGFR": UPDATE II

The price was "$250,000" and changed to "$225,000"

In case anyone is operating under the misguided belief that the banking system has stabilized and housing is poised for a big comeback, I want you to consider that this shitty apartment is still booked at full value on the lender's books -- despite the current asking price being $114,000 less than the 2004 appraised value.

As long as that bullshit is allowed by the government (and in fact actively encouraged by way of mark-to-fantasy FASB policies and various extend-and-pretend programs like HAMP, HAFA, etc.), it will take YEARS for this inventory to actually hit the market. Meaning, returning to true values (based on actual incomes and sizable down payments) will take ages.

I'm tired of waiting -- exhausted, really -- but I'm also no fool. If I could use Other People's Money, this would be a no-brainer. Buy now and walk away if things go south. But I have my own cold, hard cash on the line and as long as countless properties like this are still rotting on the MLS, the buy signal is a long way off.

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The price was "$289,000" and changed to "$250,000"

Well that's one way to get buyers' attention! I guess now the question is whether the bank will actually let it go for nearly $100,000 shy of the original loan amount. I somehow doubt it. But maybe in light of the first-time homebuyer tax credit expiring, they're getting out while there's still some demand left. We'll see.

Sorry for the sporadic posts...I've been on the road all week.

Every time I travel I can't help but observe the local real estate situation. The last time I was in Miami was the summer of 2006, and as I drove around I remember marveling at the incredible number of construction cranes piercing the horizon. At the time I said to myself, "Who are these being built for? Is there that much demand for new housing or even rentals? How does all of this construction make sense?" From what I could tell, the completed towers seemed empty--why build more?

Anyhow, today the cranes are pretty much extinct but at night many of these new buildings were dark, reminiscent of the North Korea Towers in Irvine. Pretty crazy.

South Beach was still fun--it hasn't lost any of its swagger in this downturn.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Address: 1318 East 2ND St #9, 90802
Asking Price: $289,000
Purchase Price (2004): $329,000
Beds: 2
Baths: 1.75
Sq. Ft.: 909
$/Sq. Ft.: $318
Year Built: 1964
MLS#: P701097
On Redfin: 131 days
HOA: $156
Down Payment: $10,000 (FHA)
Income Requirement (4x income): $72,000
Monthly Nut: $1,700 (FHA)
Description: Sunny & bright, this lovely condo has tons of storage space, a spacious dining room and living room, a separate master bathroom AND A PRIVATE GARAGE with storage that is big enough for an SUV! The home has large rooms that make the entire condo bright and roomy. Located just 2 blocks from the beach, this is perfect as a second home, vacation property or a retreat to enjoy every day!

"perfect as a second home, vacation property or a retreat to enjoy every day"? Looks like this bathroom took a vacation to the 1960s:

HORF!

And when was the last time you saw a white refrigerator?

Maybe I've just become accustomed to stainless fridges, but for some reason that outdated clunker is really jarring!

Pssst! Wanna see the secret to selling a tiny, dumpy apartment with original bathrooms in a shaky economy? Here you go:

December 30: The price was "$239,000" and changed to "$289,000"

Genius!

This short selling grifter has been priced below $270,000 for the last 75 days (50 of which were spent begging for $239,000) with no luck, but for some insane reason decided what this listing really needed was a price jack to $289,000. Because there's nothing buyers love more than a good ol' fashioned cornholing.

Dec 30, 2009 - Price INCREASED $289,000
Dec 30, 2009 - Relisted
Dec 03, 2009 - Delisted
Nov 12, 2009 - Price Reduced
Oct 30, 2009 - Relisted
Sep 23, 2009 - Delisted
Sep 18, 2009 - Price Reduced $249,000
Sep 14, 2009 - Price Reduced $270,000
Aug 28, 2009 - Listed $319,900
Aug 01, 2008 - Delisted
May 06, 2008 - Listed
May 06, 2008 - Delisted
Mar 30, 2008 - Listed
Mar 29, 2008 - Delisted
Feb 29, 2008 - Listed
May 25, 2004 - Sold $329,000 ($270,000 puts it firmly in 2002 pricing--the true market value, judging by the failure to sell for $249,000 is likely 2000/2001)

What kind of sales strategy is that? To paraphrase a line from Tropic Thunder, When trying to sell a house, "everyone knows you never go full retard."

Because that's the only explanation for the current price. All the loanowner has to do is click on their own Redfin link to see that nearby properties are selling for nowhere near this amount:

Downtown: $243,000; $271 psft
Alamitos Beach: $225,000; $262 psft
90802: $249,000; $276 psft
Long Beach: $229,900; $256 psft

And here she is, demanding $311 per square! Based on what, honey?

Anyhow, the point of this post isn't about greed or stupidity, or the living hell of two shared walls, or the difficulties involved with short sales, or the insanity of sellers having negative equity after FIVE FUCKING YEARS OF OWNERSHIP yet simultaneously driving $45,000 luxury SUVs...

No. Although all are at play here, this post is really about pent-up foreclosures.

You see, this property is just two months shy of its two year (!) anniversary on the MLS. It's technically not "shadow inventory" because its been out in the open on the MLS, right? But given the lender's failure to approve a sale in 22 months, it has never actually been "for sale." Meaning it's a bank-owned property in denial.

A monster loss is guaranteed, it just hasn't been booked yet.

And after it inevitably goes back to the bank, it will come back on the market at a greatly reduced price (it seems that most times, once the loss has been realized banks just try to unload). However, REOs dumped on the market crush values, putting everyone else in the area (further) underwater and perpetuating the cycle. It makes perfect sense why lenders are intent on keeping these phantoms in real estate limbo for as long as they can.

And without a mechanism to force lenders to actually approve short sales and process foreclosures (read: recognize losses) instead of extending and pretending for eternity, the market will be absolutely surrounded by these phantom properties for years and years, with no opportunity to actually buy them.

If this seller were smart (ha!) she would have stopped paying ages ago and lived rent-free this entire time. If her lender isn't interested in selling short after two years, they certainly aren't keen on foreclosing.

A New Price Per Square Foot Record: FINAL UPDATE

Absolutely incredible. Finally, after three years on the market, this waterfront property finally sold.

Although I'm sure the seller is relieved, I bet he's also crestfallen that nobody fell for his deluded sense of entitlement. With an original asking price approaching $5,000,000, selling for $3,200,000 must have been a gut-wrenching fall from grace.

You mean my house isn't special?

You mean Naples isn't immune from market realities?

You mean I'm not going to walk away with a bank vault full of bubble cash?

From nearly $800 per square foot to $474 per square. Ouch.

By waiting so long to dispose of his delusions of grandeur, he cost himself literally HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS.

I guarantee you he flat-out rejected numerous "offensive" $3.75 million offers. Guaranteed.

Even stranger than his bullheaded pricing strategy, this house appears to have been empty for quite some time:

Dude, what were you thinking?

Anyhow, I have no idea when he bought or what he paid for it, but the taxable value is $2.3 million, indicating he still walked away with a nice chunk of change. But, again, that just draws attention to how much more money he could have skated off with had he just priced realistically from the outset in 2007.

Or in 2008.

Or in 2009.

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6700 East Bay Shore Walk

The price was "$3,800,000" and changed to "$3,400,000"

You've been on the market for 853 days, dumbass. Don't you think it's a little late for price reductions?

This overpriced turd has been festering on the market since August of 2007.

2007!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I have some updates on two incredibly overpriced properties featured in one of the very first Long Beach Housing Blog posts.

In January 2008, 1724 Bluff Pl in Alamitos Beach was asking a jaw-dropping $4,500,000. Mind you, the place was only half-built at the time.

What a dickhead.

Now, an excruciating 17 months later, the price has been reduced by $2,500,000. Just like that.

TWO AND A HALF MILLION!

Doesn't that just piss you off? This seller was so greedy, so arrogant, and had such disdain for his potential buyers that last year he insisted this not-even-completed monstrosity was "worth" $4.5 mil--only we find out he never really believed that, as evidenced by his decision to cut the price by more than half without even flinching.

This asshole was ACTIVELY trying to rip people off to the tune of $2.5 million. He knew it wasn't worth the '08 ask, but he treated every potential buyer like they were some rube too imbecellic to figure out the scam.

And guess what? This seller isn't alone. A vast majority of greedfaced Long Beach sellers and their equally delusional, dollar-signs-in-the-eyes realtors, slinging everything from shithole studio apartments to multi-million dollar waterfront palaces, are pulling the same shit on you. They think YOU are the sucker. That YOU just fell off the turnip truck. That YOU are too stupid to know any better.

It just makes me sick what these people are trying to pull.


I'll say this one more time for those of you feeling the pressure to buy because of so-called "once-in-a-lifetime opportunities" or "record-low interest rates" or the fear of "being priced-out forever":

DON'T BE A CHUMP. RELAX. WE ARE NOWHERE NEAR A BOTTOM. MOST OF THE PRICES YOU SEE TODAY MAY SEEM LIKE DECENT DEALS COMPARED TO PEAK PRICES, BUT A YEAR FROM NOW THESE SAME PROPERTIES WILL BE SMOKING DEALS. IF YOU ABSOLUTELY MUST BUY, DO YOUR HOMEWORK AND PROTECT YOUR FAMILY'S FUTURE BY PURCHASING ONLY WHEN FUNDAMENTALS ARE MET (OR EXCEEDED, CONSIDERING THE DEPRESSING EFFECT RISING INTEREST RATES WILL HAVE ON PRICES, AND ANTICIPATING FURTHER DROPS IN RENT AS UNEMPLOYMENT CLIMBS).

Now, I'm no real estate investment expert, but in my estimation the last thing you need is a self-professed "expert." Remember, in July 2008, Lawrence Yun, the chief economist for the National Association of Realtors said, "I think we are very near to the end of the housing downturn."

How did Mr. Yun do on his "expert" prediction? I don't know, why not ask this jackhole seller on Bluff, who just cut $2.5 million bones without batting an eye? That sound like the end of the housing downturn to you?

In other words, THE SO-CALLED "EXPERTS" ARE LYING TO YOU BECAUSE THEY GET PAID TO LIE TO YOU.

Imagine if last year you had listened to a "real estate expert" like, say, the listing agent for this property, and bought because "it's always a great time to buy" and "beachfront properties are different." You, my friend, would be nostril deep in doodoo. Specifically, you'd be underwater by two-point-five million fucking dollars.

And here is another property from that 2008 post still languishing on the MLS:

6700 East Bay Shore Walk


Hey, check it out! This house comes with a free vagrant loitering on the sand! Hi!



The last time we checked in on this loon, he was asking $4,490,000. After a year and a half with no action, on 4/20/09, the price was reduced by $690,000. POOF! "Equity" and "worth" and "value" disappeared like a ladybug fart in a Boeing wind tunnel. But I thought the peninsula was immune?

Wrong, asshole. Enjoy another 544 days on the market.

If sellers can nonchalantly tear off huge chunks of "equity" like these two knuckleheads, what does that tell you? That the garbage for sale right now is woefully over priced and will continue to be until basic fundamentals are met.

The bottom--especially for upper-tiered properties--is nowhere in sight.

And in case you're not absolutely disgusted by the government's attempts to ensure housing is unaffordable for responsible families, you will be now:

SUBPRIME LENDING IS BACK

A BEAUTIFUL BUNGALOW BUNGLED?: UPDATE

Our pal Morekaos dropped by to inform us that 219 Belmont is back on the market...this time with a stunning $100,000 price reduction.

This idiot has been chasing the market down since January 2009 with no luck. He's praying to the high heavens that the current $749,000 ask will get the job done, but that's where it should have been priced last year. Although $384 per square foot is reasonable, you're a little late to the party, dummy.

And, although you're sporting a new price, your realtard is still sporting the same ALL-CAPS listing description. In fact, it still says "PRICED TO SELL!!!" Um, you also said that when it was priced at $849,000 in October.

So, if it was supposedly "PRICED TO SELL!!!" at $849,000 but was summarily IGNORED by the buying public, with your obvious lack of real estate accumen and glaring inability to compute simple numbers and determine when something is woefully overpriced for the current market, just why should anyone trust you that this time -- really guys, I swear, no joke, I'm serious now, mulligan! -- it's really, truly "PRICED TO SELL!!!" at $749,000?

The answer is: They shouldn't trust you. Because you clearly have no idea what you're doing.

My advice is to find different work, because every day you spend in this (dying) profession is just another 24 hours you look like a total dumbass.

And not to pile on (okay, okay...to pile on) it's worth noting that this little-r realtor still hasn't fixed the "SEPERATE" typo. Heckuva job, dipshit! You're a real pro!

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Hi puppy!

219 Belmont Ave, 90803
Price: $849,000
Beds: 3
Baths: 2
Sq. Ft.: 1,950
$/Sq. Ft.: $435
Lot Size: 6,150 Sq. Ft.
Year Built: 1920
MLS#: P705713
On Redfin: 270 days
Down Payment: $169,800
Income Requirement: $243,000
Monthly Nut: $4,700 - $5,100 (depending on financing)
Description: PRICED TO SELL!!! REDUCED $80,000!! THIS BEAUTIFUL CALIFORNIA BUNGALOW IS A MUST SEE! COMPLETELY REFURBISHED BOTH INSIDE AND OUT, WITH ORIGINAL BUNGALOW CHARM KEPT INTACT. ORIGINAL HARDWOOD FLOORS THROUGHOUT, REFINISHED TO PROTECT THEIR TIMELESS BEAUTY. FRONT & BACK YARDS NEWLY LANDSCAPED, W/LARGE BACKYARD INCLUDING SPACIOUS WOOD DECK. OPEN FLOOR PLAN WITH LARGE WINDOWS AND NATURAL SUNLIGHT. 3RD BEDROOM FEATURES FIREPLACE AND FRENCH DOORS OUT TO GARDEN, CAN BE USED AS MOTHER-IN-LAW UNIT W/SEPERATE ENTRANCE (HAS OWN GAS & WATER HOOKUPS). DEVELOPMENT OPPORTUNITIES INCLUDE BUILDING 2ND STORY FOR LARGER HOME OR ADDTL INCOME UNIT (R2 LOT). RECENT UPGRADES INCLUDE NEW ROOF WITHIN 12 MONTHS, NEW INSIDE PAINT. WALKING DISTANCE TO 2ND STREET WITH AMAZING RESTAURANTS AND SHOPPING, 2 BLOCKS TO BEACH. OCEAN VIEW FROM FRONT OF PROPERTY. WARM, FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD NEAR EXCELLENT SCHOOLS.

"SEPERATE"?

WHY, OH WHY DO YOU PEOPLE INSIST ON WRITING IN ALL CAPS? SERIOUSLY, SOMEONE EXPLAIN IT TO ME. MAYBE THERE IS A LEGITIMATE REASON, THAT ONCE BROUGHT TO LIGHT, WILL FOREVER CONVINCE ME THAT THIS HAS A PURPOSE OTHER THAN ANNOYING THE LIVING, BREATHING SHIT OUT OF ME.

THIS HOUSE IS FREAKING SWEET. I AM HARD PRESSED TO FIND ANY MAJOR FLAWS WITH IT. IT'S BIG (FOR BELMONT HEIGHTS), HAS MASSIVE CURB APPEAL AND A CUTE LITTLE YARD, AND IS IN A KILLER NEIGHBORHOOD.

BUT HE ACTUALLY EXPECTS US TO BE IMPRESSED WITH THIS PROCLAMATION: "REDUCED $80,000!!"

HEY SHIT HEEL, ALL THAT MEANS IS THAT YOU WERE $80,000 OVERPRICED. CONGRATULATIONS ON BEING A TURD-BURGLING GREEDHEAD--AND HAPPILY IDENTIFYING YOURSELF AS SUCH TO THE REST OF THE WORLD.

HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT'S "PRICED TO SELL!!!"? A HOUSE THAT FUCKING SELLS.
IT MAKES YOU WONDER: IF "850,000 IS "PRICED TO SELL," AND HE WAS RECENTLY PRICED AT A WALLET-NUKING $930,000...THEN JUST HOW WTF WAS HIS INITIAL ASKING PRICE TO EARN HIM THESE LAST 270 DAYS ON THE MARKET? $3 MILLION? 10?

IT DOESN'T MATTER. THE FACT IS, THIS DUDE WITH THE SWEET HOUSE AND THE BAD ASS DOG ON THE LAWN HAS BEEN GINGERLY REDUCING THE PRICE FOR ALMOST A YEAR TO NO AVAIL. SO, AFTER THIS LATEST $80,000 REDUCTION, SHOULD HE PLACE A CALL TO U-HAUL AND INVEST IN SOME CORRUGATED BOXES?

UH, MAYBE?

LET'S NOT FORGET HOW AWESOME THIS NEIGHBORHOOD IS. AND ALTHOUGH THE PROPERTY FEATURES A SMALL, SO-SO KITCHEN, THIS PLACE IS CHARMING AND THREE BEDS AND 2,000 SQUARE FEET IN THE HEIGHTS IS HIGHLY DESIRABLE.

ONE LOOK AT THE PRICING HISTORY...

Oct 03, 2009 - Listed $849,000
Sep 12, 2009 - Delisted
May 07, 2009 - Price Changed
Mar 04, 2009 - Price Changed
Jan 14, 2009 - Price Changed
Jan 13, 2009 - Listed
Apr 30, 2004 - Sold $635,000

...AND IT'S CLEAR THAT IF HE GETS AGGRESSIVE (AND DEPENDING ON HOW MUCH HE DUMPED INTO THOSE MILD UPGRADES--WHICH DOESN'T APPEAR TO BE THAT MUCH) HE WILL NOT ONLY GET OUT OF THIS ALIVE, BUT WILL WALK WITH A BIT OF PROFIT IN A BRUTAL MARKET WHERE MOST LONG BEACH SELLERS THAT BOUGHT A FEW YEARS AGO ARE LOSING THEIR SHIRTS (AND PANTS AND SOCKS AND HATS AND ANKLE WEIGHTS AND SHOE HORNS...).

AND THAT'S BECAUSE HE BOUGHT SMART IN '04.

NOW HE JUST NEEDS TO SELL SMART IN '09.

GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN STILL COMMAND A PREMIUM, PAL. KNOCKING ANOTHER $80,000 OFF MIGHT START A BIDDING WAR, OR, WHO KNOWS, IT MIGHT JUST LEAD TO YET ANOTHER PRICE REDUCTION AS FALL REARS ITS UGLY HEAD, CASH BUYERS DRY UP, INVENTORY INCREASES, AND JUMBO FINANCING CONTINUES ITS GRADUAL RESTRICTION.

ALL WE KNOW IS SO FAR $850,000 HASN'T BEEN ENOUGH TO GARNER INTEREST. IT CERTAINLY DOESN'T HELP THAT THE ONLY NEARBY PROPERTY THAT HAS SOLD DURING THE LAST SIX MONTHS FOR ANYWHERE CLOSE TO THIS PRICE WAS IN JUNE--AND SPORTED AN EXTRA 200 EXTRA SQUARE FEET.

BUT I REALLY LIKE THIS PROPERTY AND WILL OWN A HOUSE LIKE THIS IN THE FUTURE, SO I'M ROOTING FOR HIM.

DO YOU HEAR ME??? I'M ROOTING FOR YOU AND HOPE YOU FIND A BUYER!!! OTHERWISE I FEAR YOU'LL KEEP HANGING ON TO THAT DUSTY OLD DREAM OF "SPECIALNESS" AND ENTITLEMENT TO BUBBLE PROFITS AND MISS YOUR OPPORTUNITY TO SELL WITHOUT BRINGING YOUR CHECKBOOK TO THE BARGAINING TABLE!!!

GET IN THE GAME, BUDDY!!!

Precious Peak-Priced Pretender

4301 East 2ND St Unit 2F, Long Beach, CA 90803
Wishing Price: $415,000
Beds: 1
Baths: 1
Sq. Ft.: 900
$/Sq. Ft.: $461
Year Built: 1965
MLS#: P732255
On Redfin: 16 days
HOA: $175
Down Payment: $83,000/$17,000(FHA)
Income Requirement: $95,000
Monthly Nut: $2,400/2,800(FHA)
Description: Beautiful home in the Belmont Heights area. Enjoy the ocean breeze and view from a large bedroom balcony. Located blocks from the beach and Belmont Shore shops and restaurants, Belmont Pier and the Belmont Plaza Olympic Pool. Meticulously maintained with the following upgrades: Bamboo floors throughout, modern walls, refinished cabinets, renovated modern bathroom, subway tile, console sink, remodeled living room with modern built-in shelving unit running expanse of wall, custom closet in bedroom, frosted glass and modern closet doors. Must see as this will not last!

What is a "modern wall"? Is he talking about that bad-ass technology from Minority Report that allows you to access and analyze digital information with the wave of a hand?

Oh.

And notice no mention of in-unit laundry. Community laundry for $415,000?! HA!

I have bad news for you, dude: You are going to lose your ass on this one.

I must concede you've done a decent job upgrading this place, but if you think for one fleeting second you'll walk away from this transaction without your pocketbook sustaining serious blunt-force trauma, you're sadly mistaken.

I keep trying to spread the gospel, but nobody seems to believe me. Look, when you over-improve a property according to your personal whims, you can't expect new buyers to share your identical tastes and stylistic proclivities -- and you definitely can't presume they'll be willing to pay premium dollars and cents for your ideas of good design sense.

To wit:

YEEF.

Dude, you are asking $25,000 more than what you paid at the peak of the housing bubble. I don't care if the garbage disposal is 24-karat gold and $20 bills materialize in your trousers every time you take them out of that shitty IKEA closet of yours...you are not going to get 2007 pricing for this thing.

To give you an idea of what kind of imbecile we're dealing with (as if you needed more evidence), he purchased this 1/1 apartment for $390,000 from a guy who paid just $155,000 seven years earlier.

Really, guy? What were you getting for a WaMu CD back in those days, 5%? 5.5%? That 15% annual appreciation didn't set alarm bells off?

And for that top-dollar price you got a place so crappy that you had to gut it and completely re-do it? Yikes.

I'm no contracting expert, but I'd guess he put $30,000 into upgrades. And that's being conservative. Assuming that's the case, after commissions those upgrade costs will be a total loss. A vanishing act that would make Houdini blush.

And that's assuming this uneven bachelor pad "will not last!" as the realtor so boldly (read: dumbly) claims, and gets full asking price.

A promise:

THAT WILL NOT HAPPEN.

Not with this kitchen, anyway.

Way to chintz out when it comes to the most important aspect of a property. I mean, original stove top and hood? WTF are you thinking?

And those cabinets definitely don't look new. They look (badly) painted with, at best, updated hardware.

Don't get me wrong, overall this is a slick pad in a good building in a killer neighborhood. It has some great attributes. The problem, as with all delusional Long Beach sellers, is the price.

I mean, this nearby property for sale, also with an unimpressive kitchen, is asking $439,000 (he's been on the market for 126 days -- he'll never get that) and features in-unit laundry, a fireplace, an extra bedroom, an extra bathroom, and 450 more square feet of living space. How can our featured seller possibly justify his crazy asking price?

I'm sure you've noticed that owners of these over-designed, over-decorated pads tend to be the most batshit insane when it comes to perceptions of what their "special" places are worth. In fact, this place kind of reminds me of this misguided, thoroughly-impressed-by-his-own-awesomeness fool (who claims to be under contract for full asking!).

They probably both read Dwell under the sheets with a flashlight while John Secada plays in the background if you know what I mean.

Well whaddaya know?

Now we know exactly the type of seller we're dealing with.

Armed with this information, it's guaranteed that this place will never sell. This ego-driven dope will take his self-stroker of a shack off the market long before he admits it isn't special and takes the massive financial hit required to garner a sale.

Well, It Was Worth a Shot: UPDATE II

On March 30th I said, "Hey, Flippy, Price Reduction's on line #2. Says it's urgent."

Well, the capitulation has begun in earnest:

May 10, 2010 - Price Changed $309,000
Apr 28, 2010 - Price Changed $319,000
Apr 12, 2010 - Price Changed $325,000
Mar 27, 2010 - Listed $339,000

Those dreams of stacking flipper cash are quickly disappearing like a parakeet fart in Tornado Alley.

And check out this updated description:

Agents Owner Financing available with 20% down 8% rate for 30 or 40 years due in 5. Easy qualifying on credit and income. No appraisal needed or tax returns fast approval no hassles or time delays. Corner-front Condo unit with city views and cool ocean breeze. Two bedroom and two baths newly remodeled. Convenient location close to beach, parks, public transportation, Belmont Shores [SIC] and Shoreline Village. On site laundry facility with 1 car underground parking. Granite, new appliances, carpet and building security with plenty of storage space in unit. Private balcony off of living room. No pets allowed unless buyer has doctor instructions for medical reasons.

First of all, can someone translate those first two sentences for me? You can get financing through the flipper's agent? And despite 20% down you still have to pay an 8% interest rate? And the principal is due in five years? The way it's worded is a complete mess.

And the whole "No appraisal needed or tax returns fast approval" thing makes it sound shady as hell. The only people who care about that stuff are deadbeats with suspicious money issues. And the fact that this flipper is catering to those types makes you wonder about this neighborhood.

And who the fuck wants to buy a place in a declining market WITH NO APPRAISAL?!

That last line is a head-scratcher too. What "medical reason," other than blindness, could someone have that would require them to have a pet? And what about the fellow residents who may have medical reasons to NOT want pets around? So weird.

Whatever. This flipper is in deep shit if he doesn't get his act together soon. I can't wait to see how much he slashes the price next month! Stay tuned.

P.S. If you were stupid enough to buy in March, you would already be $30,000 underwater on your purchase. Good thing you read this blog!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Not sure if you remember this dump from October 2009, but it turns out just a month after my post a flipper swooped it up from the bank for $225,000 (the lender ate a $200,000 loss on that one).

As crusty as it was, $225,000 was a pretty good deal (in October I said I thought $250,000 penciled out). And like most sales so close to downtown, it represents a 2002 price.

Anyhow, this flipper, instead of taking a shitty property, sprucing it up, and extracting a reasonable profit, has turned out to be just another gluttonous pig with his greedy, money-grubbing snout buried deep in the quick-money trough.

After slapping on some paint, pergo floors, and cheap carpeting, he dumped it on the market with a $114,000 built-in profit.

$114,000!

What a jackass.

Let's see...community laundry, only one parking spot, and located all the way the hell down on Esperanza? For $339,000?!

The average price per square foot in this neighborhood is $274 and he's asking $355?

What the fuck for? Fake wood floors and repainted cabinets (oh, you didn't think we'd notice that)?


And he might have just painted over the pink tiles!

Other than money spots on Ocean, nearby properties don't even come close to asking this kind of money. What a dolt.

Look, I'm cool with flippers improving rough properties (and, in some cases, improving the neighborhood as a result) and making a little dough. Hell, in this environment you gotta have a set of dangling bowling balls to try your hand at flipping, and you should be rewarded for the risk you're taking. As far as I'm concerned, party on Wayne.

But what I can't get over is the utter contempt some of these flippers have for potential buyers. I mean, he truly believes you and I are complete rubes and that he deserves $100,000+ for doing little more than putting lipstick on a warthog.

Hey, Flippy, Price Reduction's on line #2. Says it's urgent.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I'm back from Chicago, and let me tell you, there aren't many better cities to celebrate your birthday. And speaking of cities with a condo problem:

1329 E 1st St #18, 90802
Price: $250,000
Beds: 2
Baths: 2
Sq. Ft.: 954
$/Sq. Ft.: $262
Year Built: 1959
MLS#: T09106531
On Redfin: 5 days
HOA: $150
Down Payment: $50,000
Income Requirement: $71,000
Monthly Nut: $1,500
Description: 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom front, corner unit condo in the Startdust Condo Building with city lights view from private balcony and master bedroom and view of the ocean from the rooftop deck. Located in gated community with underground parking and only 1 block from the beach. Unit has a lot of closet and storage space. Conveniet location. Close to park, shopping, public transportation, downtown Long Beach, Belmont Shore, Shoreline Village and the Pike Center.

"Conveniet"?

It appears the bank took this puppy back in February of 2008 for $375,000. The play seemed to be, "Bubble pricing will be back in no time...let's just wait this out. It can't possibly go any lower!"

Well, they successfully kept it off the market for ONE AND A HALF YEARS (Anybody still believe shadow inventory doesn't exist? Really?) before throwing it on the MLS for--take a wild guess!--$375,000.

I guess it was worth a shot, eh?

Because yesterday (just four days after relisting at that hilarious wishing price) the price was dropped a mind-blowing -$125,000. Ploy to garner a bidding war? Typo? Or the result of actually looking at comps and accepting reality?

Who knows, but that is one hell of a price cut. Check this out this history:

Oct 06, 2009 - Price Changed $250,000
Oct 02, 2009 - Listed $375,000
Feb 22, 2008 - Sold $375,000
Nov 04, 2007 - Delisted
Sep 30, 2007 - Listed
Mar 09, 2006 - Sold $418,000
Sep 27, 2002 - Sold $227,500
May 08, 1990 - Sold $132,500
Apr 19, 1989 - Sold $120,000

Yep, this is a 2002 price! And it's still no guarantee of selling in this market. Because regardless of that aggressive pricing, there is no escaping how dumptastic this place is:



Good grief, Charlie Brown, what a crap shack.

BUT, it's approaching rental parity, so this might be a decent buy.

Think about it: Get an FHA loan, use the (coming) $15,000 homebuyer tax credit for your down payment, and when you fall deep underwater, stop paying and live rent-free for a while, and just walk away with a wad of saved cash and a dinged credit score when they finally kick you out. If anybody gives you static about your FICO, just tell them, "Hey man, it was 2010."

Believe me, everyone will understand.

One in the Temple

Address: 2501 TEMPLE Ave #205, Signal Hill, CA 90755
Wishing Price: $379,000
Beds: 2
Baths: 2
Sq. Ft.: 1,179
$/Sq. Ft.: $321
Year Built: 1983
Community: Signal Hill
MLS#: 10-441365
On Redfin: 30 days
HOA: ?
Down Payment: $76,000/$15,000 (FHA)
Income Requirement: $87,000
Monthly Nut: $2,300/$2,700 (FHA)
Description: Elegant condo in prime location. Home boasts laminate wood flooring, central air & heat, washer & dryer, big beautiful fireplace, and a large balcony with view of the mountains. Separate shoots [SIC] for trash and recyclables. Residents enjoy a pool, jacuzzi, clubhouse, BBQ area, tennis court, and a serene courtyard area with a gazebo. HOA dues include basic cable. View this home now before it is sold!

The first sentence of the description, which only contains five words, features two bald-faced lies! This condo is "elegant"?

Really?

And this is a "prime" location?

Naples is a prime location, Signal Hill is a crime location.

Second of all, how are separate "shoots" (anyone with beyond a 3rd-grade reading comprehension knows it should be "chutes") even worth noting? Who gives a crap? You're just doing the trash company's job for them by separating your recyclables anyhow.

But what really caught my eye was the wishing price. Yet another bubble hibernator who missed the memo about the largest residential real estate crash in the history of the world. $379,000 is pure peak pricing, and this dummy has no idea how ridiculous he looks.

This dreamer--ERRR...seller purchased right near the peak of the bubble for $387,500 and honestly believes $379,000 is such an attractive price that you'd better "View this home now before it is sold!"

Is he serious? Does he honestly believe this thing will get snapped up that quickly? Furthermore, if he really did believe that, then why even bother saying it? Seems to me if it's really such an "elegant" condo in a "prime" area, it shouldn't even need a description. A quick sale would speak for itself, wouldn't it?

The only way this piece of donkey dung is selling is on the courthouse steps.


This delusional moron not only missed out on news of the Great Housing Bubble's demise, but apparently also doesn't even pay attention to things happening right under his nose. To wit, an identical unit in this building sold three months ago...for $293,031.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPS.

And this REO sold in January for a mere $234,900.

"But el bee, distressed properties don't count as comps!"



In this 'hood distressed properties are the market. They're pretty much the only comps. And you're smoking Schoolhouse Rocks if you think those sales don't affect values of non-distressed properties (FYI, the featured apartment is a distressed property. Whether he acknowledges it or not, the fact is he is severely underwater, and thus, distressed. Which means he needs to be priced like his fellow distressed properties or else stop paying the note. Either way, he's toast. There is no good option here).


I don't even need to browse Craigslist to tell you this place doesn't rent for the $2,700 an FHA buyer would need to cough up every month. Hell, even if a buyer put down 20% (unlikely in this lending climate, in this neighborhood), the monthly cash layout would still be $2,300.

Dude, NO WAY this thing is renting for that kind of money. Not even close.

Needless to say, this price is also horrendously out of line with local incomes. The median household, which earns $48,938 per year, would have to pull in double that to reasonably afford this lackluster apartment. This price is like an enigma wrapped in a tortilla of mystery, nestled in a glove box of cryptograms.

But I'm not going to ruin his lil' party. In fact, I'm a really big fan of the Parade of Delusion and I'm going to grab some cotton candy, sit back in my camping chair, and enjoy the show. Because this price (along with the inevitable, completely futile price cuts) is just too entertaining to pass up.

Huh?

Here's an, uh, interesting angle:

Why a Rising Unemployment Rate is Good News

It sounds dreadful. After drifting down consistently since last fall, the unemployment rate has suddenly shot up again, from 9.7 percent in March to 9.9 percent in April. But don't despair: A rising unemployment rate is actually one of the best signs yet that the economy is bouncing back.

The unemployment rate rose for the right reason. Instead of shedding jobs, employers added 290,000 jobs in April, the strongest showing since 2007. The reason the unemployment rate went up is that a lot more people are suddenly looking for work. The government said that the labor force swelled by 805,000 people in April. That's more than three times the number of new jobs, so the proportion of people looking for a job but unable to find one went up. Still, that big increase in the labor force marks an important shift in sentiment among people on the fringes of the economy.

Someone explain that ridiculous logic to me. Yes, it's encouraging that a bunch of people who threw in the towel suddenly feel optimistic enough to start looking again...BUT ONLY IF THOSE 805,000 PEOPLE ACTUALLY FIND A JOB!

I'm amazed at how his rose-colored beer goggles allowed him to write that happy horseshit about "an important shift in sentiment" right after this line: "That's more than three times the number of new jobs, so the proportion of people looking for a job but unable to find one went up." Really? No cognitive dissonance there?

I get that the mainstream media is ready for The Great Recession to be over, but this is just pathetic...

READ THE ENTIRE (RIDICULOUS) ARTICLE...

Saint Stupid: UPDATE II

The price was "$825,000" and changed to "$839,500"

Yeesh. Talk about slack-jawed optimism.

Hey dummy, you've been on the market for 13 months...don't you think it's about time to get serious?

What a delusional idiot.

UPDATE: It gets worse. Remember his (waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay nicer) competition on Monrovia?

After nearly a year of market-chasing, that guy sold in March for $805,000, a monstrous reduction from the original $1,055,000 asking price.

Just why this obtunded fool on St. Joseph believes his hideous domicile deserves a $25,000 premium over the larger, significantly more impressive Monrovia house, I'll never know.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The price was "$875,000" and changed to "$850,000"

I have to give him credit for consistently lowering the price, but I've got bad news: on the very same day as his $25,000 price reduction, his (waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay nicer) competition on Monrovia lowered his ask to $835,000 (FYI, that's down from $1,055,000 in July 2009. He's been reducing the price every week since).

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I apologize for the recent focus on 90803 bungalows, but these nitwits and their delusional senses of entitlement have to be called out.

Address: 222 SAINT JOSEPH Ave, 90803

Asking Price: $875,000
Beds: 2
Baths: 2
Sq. Ft.: 1,600
$/Sq. Ft.: $547
Lot Size: 4,050 Sq. Ft.
Year Built: 1937
MLS#: P694685
Source: SoCalMLS
On Redfin: 157 days
Down Payment: $175,000
Income Requirement: $220,000
Monthly Nut: $4,800
Description: BACK ON THE MARKET!!! Will consider trade for a duplex with a yard. Restored, enlarged Belmont Shore showplace home on a larger lot. 2 bedrooms / 2 bathrooms plus office and den. Gorgeous landscaping with waterfall and pond - featured in Long Beach magazine. Spa. Newewr bathrooms and kitchen. Shower / steam room. Double garage behind available. Forced air heating & cooling, tankless water heater. Fireplace in living room. Crown molding & hardwood floors. Granite kitchen tile and bathroom floors and counter top.

"Will consider trade for a duplex with a yard." Hey fuckwit, for $875,000 I and every other potential buyer want a duplex with a yard too. THAT'S WHY YOUR SHIT HASN'T SOLD IN FIVE MONTHS.

What an idiot.

And speaking of idiocy..."Newewr"?

Really? In a listing demanding nearly a million bones?

Or how about "Restored, enlarged Belmont Shore showplace home." Dude, we're talking about 1,600 square feet. How "enlarged" can it be?

[Speaking of enlargement, you want to know why those boner pill companies are allowed to exist despite being completely full of it (come on, think about it. If that shit worked, they wouldn't possibly be able to produce enough of it. Every single solitary dude on the planet would be ordering cases of the stuff. Bottles would be bursting out of glove boxes and briefcases across the globe. This would become a world of men walking around with tree trunks stuffed into their trousers. Hell, we'd all need motherfuckin' motorized scooters to get around)? Because they vaguely claim that they make you "bigger" and "firmer." But they specifically avoid saying bigger and firmer than what. If we're talking about making you bigger than you were after a few laps in a cold pool, sure. Mission accomplished. But bigger than usual while "in the moment?" They craftily decline to say. And how do you know it wasn't rolling around with your partner that made you "bigger"? You don't. So although there is no way to prove the pill made you "bigger," (more importantly) there is no way to prove it didn't--and therefore the ads were not misleading. Plus, who would be crazy enough to file the first lawsuit bitching that the magic beans he ordered from the interwebs failed to make his (obviously) tiny junk into an unwieldly, Incredible Hulk-sized axe handle? Ta-daaaaa!]

Back to our regularly scheduled thrashing. This dude claims his joint is a "showplace."

Uh, okay. Whatever you say.

And just what does "Double garage behind available" mean? Does it cost extra or something?

With marketing acumen like this, it's no wonder buyers have been straight up ignoring your property since March. That's right. The house has been on the market since Q109 but after just 41 days the seller took their ball and went home when nobody would pay their Wishing Price.

In July the beggar--ERRRR...seller proudly proclaimed, it's "BACK ON THE MARKET!!!", naturally expecting people to give a shit. And it's been rotting ever since with zero buyer interest despite two $50,000 price cuts (both in October, 15 days apart).

Oct 23, 2009 - Price Changed $875,000
Oct 08, 2009 - Price Changed $925,000
Jul 10, 2009 - Listed $975,000
May 07, 2009 - Delisted
Mar 27, 2009 - Listed

Unfortunately, this delusual Long Beach seller lost his discounting momentum just when it seemed like he was starting to understand how this market works.

Sure, this thing is in the Shore, but so what?

How are you going to compete with sellers like this property, on the beach side of 2nd Street? It sports two extra bedrooms, a bonus bathroom, 216 additional square feet and, other than some horrendous wallpaper that reminds me of the end result the last time I drank Jagermeister, is far superior in the looks department (and, well, every other department too).

Answer: You're not going to compete.

Not with your kitchen, anyway:

Woof.

Or how are you going to compete with this cozy nearby property? I have a feeling buyers would be far more willing to pay an extra five grand for an extra bedroom and 200 additional square feet. Just a hunch.

Oh, but this guy has something over all those other properties. As the listing description so thoughtfully and eloquently puts it: "Spa."

Yikes. All I want for Christmas is a staph infection.

Look, cash-flush people (yes, they still exist--despite what the doom and gloomers proclaim, plenty of people are still employed and have cash stockpiles from waiting on the sidelines for years) are going to continue to severely overpay for 90803 properties. That's just the reality of people with more money than brains (or patience). Case in point.

But unless the glory days of 8x income loans and credit cards for housecats return, I just don't see how 222 St. Joseph sells for $875,000.