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Friday, July 2, 2010

Back From the East Coast with a Quickie: FINAL UPDATE

Sold on 06/28/10 - $325,000

It's a miracle! Hallelujah!

And only $228,000 less than the original approved short sale price! Your two-year pursuit of wishing prices really paid off! That's some next level thinking!

And yes, you read that correctly: This loft has been rotting on the market since June 2008 -- exactly two years. And if you've been following this property like I have it's pretty obvious why:

Jun 28, 2010 - Sold (MLS) $325,000
Apr 22, 2010 - Price Changed $325,000
Mar 19, 2010 - Relisted
Mar 25, 2009 - Price Changed $359,900
Feb 05, 2009 - Price Changed $374,900
Jan 07, 2009 - Price Changed $395,000
Jan 01, 2009 - Price Changed $425,000
Nov 17, 2008 - Price Changed $553,000
Jun 20, 2008 - Listed $549,000

Good God, what a long, arduous, market-chasing ordeal. Do you think the bank regrets not accepting one of those "offensive" low-ball offers of $450,000 or $400,000 back in the day instead of smoking Hope joints and sticking to wishing prices while tens of thousands of dollars of value evaporated before its very eyes?

The sad thing is, despite these catastrophic losses suffered due to an inability to accept reality, there are still people out there who believe housing will come roaring back any minute now.

I remember telling people about this loft way back in the day. I mentioned that it was awesome, but hilariously overpriced. When asked what I thought it was worth, I distinctly remember the looks on their faces when I said, "Around $300,000."

They thought I was high as a kite. "There's no way prices will go down any more." "Do you really believe that?" "That's like half off! That will never happen, dude."

I hate to say I told you so, but I told you so. Look, it didn't take a crystal ball, just common sense and a belief that fundamentals will actually matter once bullshit fantasy financing is removed from the picture. Now that mortgages require actual, verified income, it makes sense that house prices must conform with those incomes. That's a simple calculation.

And Rent vs. Buy is also a simple calculation. If it costs twice as much to own as it does to rent the same house -- it's overpriced. And in light of a horrific employment situation in California, I suspect many people will begin to view homeownership as an anchor and a potential impediment to employment mobility. I'm not saying that renters will suddenly be viewed as anything other than "second-class citizens" but you have to admit that the advantages to renting are starting to become more readily apparent. Because of this, I would not be surprised to see renting fetch a premium over owning once this is all over.

For the record, $325,000 purchase price with 20% down results in a monthly payment (after mortgage interest deduction) of about $1,500. As long as you're cool living downtown, that seems like a decent deal given the significant upgrades and the State tax credit.

Oh, it's also worth mentioning that in two years the listing agent never bothered to fix that glaring "celing" typo in the listing. And for that kind of kick-ass-and-take-names diligence and attention to detail, he cashed a commission check for $19,500. What a country!

Click here for the whole awful saga.

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UPDATE IV

Mar 25, 2009 - Price Changed $359,900
Feb 05, 2009 - Price Changed $374,900
Jan 07, 2009 - Price Changed $395,000
Jan 01, 2009 - Price Changed $425,000
Nov 17, 2008 - Price Changed $553,000
Jun 20, 2008 - Listed $549,000

It's been 284 days! Put a bullet in this short sale's brain and put it out of its misery already!

Here is a compendium of this property's long, arduous, market-chasing journey: THE SAGA OF SUCK.

Look, I give the agent credit for slashing the price on cue each month for the last few months, but it's clearly not getting the job done. The weird thing is the current asking price is undercutting nearby sellers by a decent amount and $275 per square foot is almost, sort of, kind of approaching reality...so what's the problem? Why no interest?

Honestly, I think it's the sleeping platform.

First, as an investor, you are severely limiting your renter pool with that disco deck. No kids, no older folks--just young, single, wealthy men (you can call me out in the comments, but I don't think the loft-promoting movie Big had quite the same influence on young girls as it did boys--this type of property primarily appeals to dudes).

Second, as an owner occupier you not only have the same problems but, come on, that bedroom barge would be fun for about 3.6 days before you longed for a few walls to hang pictures on and a door to shut every once and a while. Even if you live by yourself, you're telling me being out in the open like that wouldn't get old?

Maybe it's just me.

All I know is last night two smart, economically-educated friends, whose opinions I respect and value, ganged up on me and told me I was dead wrong about house prices continuing to fall in Long Beach--specifically Belmont Shore. They both said that sales are picking up and "prices aren't going to get any lower."

When I countered, "That's what they said six months ago, and a year ago, and 18 months ago...how did that work out for those buyers?" my opinions were promptly dismissed as the biases of a doom and gloomer.

Is it just me, or are people becoming more optimistic lately? But unless I'm missing something, it's wholly unjustified. I get the weird feeling that a lot of folks are "willing" the economy to improve simply because they feel like now is the time.

When I asked them to provide just one positive economic indicator that prices won't continue to fall, I got nothing. What I did get was a "feeling" that this is the bottom and that things can't get any worse.

I know plenty of Long Beach Housing Blog readers who would strongly disagree with that sentiment, but I'm curious to hear from those who are a bit more bullish, or at least have reasons for becoming more optimistic. Any thoughts?

Is it time for me to officially change into my Bull hat?

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UPDATE III

While some downtown sellers are snorting huge lines of delusion and raising prices amidst the worst employment news in 30+ years (and are too stupid to change the listing description proclaiming, "HUGE PRICE REDUCTION!!!"), some people are beginning to see the light:

In this post I updated you on a kick-ass loft that suffered from WTF pricing when it was originally listed in June 2008. The Housing Kool Aid buzz has slowly worn off, and now we're looking at an asking price nearly 20% lower than the original.

I'll recap so you don't have to look through all the old posts:

Jun 20, 2008 Listed $549,000
Nov 17, 2008 Price Changed $553,000 ("SHORT SALE APPROVED AT $553,000!" )
Jan 01, 2009 Price Changed $425,000
Jan 07, 2009 Price Changed $395,000
Feb 05, 2009 Price Changed $374,900

That right there is a beautiful portrait of what it's like to chase a horrendous market down. Each price reduction is like a David Beckham penalty kick right to the family jewels.

And, to reiterate my point about buying right now being a guaranteed rusty knife-catch, please imagine for a moment that you bought this place in November for $553,000. You would have lost nearly $200,000 in property value in TWO FREAKING MONTHS. Do you have any idea how long it would take you to build that value back up? We're talking 30 years just to break even on the place.

Or what if you bought on January 6th? If you just waited one day, you could have saved yourself enough money to buy a new car with cash.

Don't listen to anybody that tells you we've hit a bottom. Print out this post and carry it around with you if need be! Everybody is eager to call a bottom right now, but Long Beach properties like this are a prime example of why it makes very little sense to buy any property right now--especially one that diverges from basic investing fundamentals.

Considering the $175,000 bloodletting (in less than 90 days, mind you), let's update the listing and see how close we are to said fundamentals:

Address: 207 E Broadway #301, 90802
Asking Price: $374,900
Size: 1 beds, 2 baths, 1310 sq. ft. (built in 1925)
$/Sq. Ft.: $286 (down from $422 last time we checked on it)
HOA Fee: $327
MLS#: S537137
On Redfin: 231 days
Down Payment: $74,980 (from $110,600)
Monthly Payment: $2,300 @ 5.5% (from $3,700)
Income Requirement: $107,000 (from $158,000)
Description: Gorgeous south and west facing corner unit loft in the Historic Insurance Exchange Building! True loft living with open loft layout, exposed ceilings, gorgeous blond wood floors and floor to celing windows with city views! Unique floorplan, over 1300 square foot footprint with 1.5 baths, master bath with dual vanity, jacuzzi tub and two person shower. Enjoy additional square footage and privacy from the custom built-out sleeping loft. Central AC and heat, private storage room, secured parking, gourmet kitchen with granite countertops and viking appliances. One of a kind loft in one of the most well designed and sought-after loft conversions downtown.

Nope, still no dice. No way this one-bedroom rents out for $2,300 a month.

So have fun chasing that market down some more, guy! We'll be sure to get you an ice cream cake on your one-year anniversary.

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UPDATE II

A quick update of a quickie post:

Here is the original post:

Address: 207 E Broadway #301, 90802
Asking Price: $553,000
Size: 1 beds, 2 baths, 1310 sq. ft. (built in 1925)
$/Sq. Ft.: $422
HOA Fee: $327
MLS#: S537137
On Redfin: 153 days
Down Payment: $110,600
Monthly Payment: $3,700
Income Requirement: $158,000
Description: SHORT SALE APPROVED AT $553,000!

Well, considering it was priced $4,000 cheaper for 150 days AND STILL FAILED TO GARNER ANY BUYING INTEREST...best of luck with that!

* * * * * * *

As I suspected would happen, that approved short sale price didn't attract a buyer. The new pricing is indicative of serious capitulation, as the short sale asking price has been reduced by a mammoth $103,000 trying to nab a buyer. That's a helluva haircut!

Here is the updated listing information:

Address: 207 E Broadway #301, 90802
Asking Price: $450,000
Size: 1 beds, 2 baths, 1310 sq. ft. (built in 1925)
$/Sq. Ft.: $324
HOA Fee: $327
MLS#: S537137
On Redfin: 197 days
New Down Payment: $85,000
New Monthly Payment: $2,700
New Income Requirement: $121,000
Description: Gorgeous south and west facing corner unit loft in the Historic Insurance Exchange Building! True loft living with open loft layout, exposed ceilings, gorgeous blond wood floors and floor to celing windows with city views! Unique floorplan, over 1300 square foot footprint with 1.5 baths, master bath with dual vanity, jacuzzi tub and two person shower. Enjoy additional square footage and privacy from the custom built-out sleeping loft. Central AC and heat, private storage room, secured parking, gourmet kitchen with granite countertops and viking appliances. One of a kind loft in one of the most well designed and sought-after loft conversions downtown.

"celing"?

Despite that typo, I'm thankful they finally bothered to provide a listing description. And a really good one, too! Bravo, bravo!

This loft is about as cool as they come. I'm legitimately impressed. We aren't treated to photos of the bathrooms (uh-oh) but the upgrading work looks new. Assuming the bathrooms aren't disastrous, all you need is some sleek, modern furniture and you're set.

And check out those phantom stairs!

Someone told me those rail-less stairs aren't compliant with building codes (good luck navigating those things after a night of downtown boozing), but damn they look awesome!

And speaking of downtown boozing, if this economic downturn persists well into 2009, I'm wondering if we're going to see an upsurge in downtown criminal activity. It's possible that Long Beach's commendable efforts to clean up downtown and make it a nightlife hot spot will be gradually erased as the unemployment rate climbs and state budget woes create cuts in services to the poor.

I hope that's not the case, but it's something to consider when checking out downtown properties and thinking of long-term values. And considering many downtown properties are (still) woefully overpriced and have yet to see the full force of equity destruction experienced in other Long Beach areas, crime will have a tangible effect on further price declines.

As far as this property goes, I don't know if the bank actually agreed to this greatly reduced short sale price but I fear that it's still not enough to find a buyer in this economic environment. This place would make a great spot for a young, high-income childless couple, or a young, very wealthy single professional, but outside of those specific criteria I can't see much of a market for this place (I mean, that's more of a "sleeping platform" than a "bedroom"--not very practical).

I guess the question is whether that very small, very rare, very wealthy subset of potential buyers that could comfortably afford this place will believe it's worth $450,000. I somehow doubt it.

Friday, February 6, 2009

Back From the East Coast with a Quickie: UPDATE II

While some downtown sellers are snorting huge lines of delusion and raising prices amidst the worst employment news in 30+ years (and are too stupid to change the listing description proclaiming, "HUGE PRICE REDUCTION!!!"), some people are beginning to see the light:

In this post I updated you on a kick-ass loft that suffered from WTF pricing when it was originally listed in June 2008. The Housing Kool Aid buzz has slowly worn off, and now we're looking at an asking price nearly 20% lower than the original.

Friday, January 2, 2009

Back From the East Coast with a Quickie: UPDATE

A quick update of a quickie post:

Here is the original post:

* * * * * * *

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Back From the East Coast with a Quickie: UPDATE IV

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Good "Invstmnts"

Today’s property is a lesson in pure, unadulterated ignorance. Ignorance so powerful that it can shield an owner from uncomfortable truths and painful market realities.

During the last few years, real estate was viewed as an investment, in the traditional sense that it was something that paid regular dividends in the form of appreciation. At the height of the madness, it was believed by many that double-digit appreciation would keep going and renters would be "priced out forever."

“This is a new paradigm,” they said. People got themselves into tricky, dangerous loans to buy properties way beyond their means, spent money on frivolous consumer goods, and racked up enormous debt, all under the auspices that values would continue to increase and they could “just refinance later" or "pull more equity out" to pay for the house, nice cars, and vacations.

This worked out just fine for many homedebtors, especially those who bought early enough to capitalize on years of rapid appreciation. As long as prices kept going up, their "investment" was safe and they could keep spending. That is, of course, until the music stopped and values began their violent, dizzying descent back to earth. Now the hungry overdue notices are knocking on the door, and there isn’t anything left in the cupboards to feed them.

I’ve noticed the housing bulls, realtors firmly in denial, and assorted trolls have stopped commenting on this site. I have a feeling it is because they have finally accepted the veracity of my message: An inevitable return to fundamentals in pricing, lending, and basic economics is underway and it will be painful for many people who gambled on the promise of a perpetually appreciating asset.

With the help of the mainstream media (better late than never, guys) and especially a mind-blowing 60 Minutes segment about the growing social acceptability of walking away from moral and financial obligations (because their house “is worth less than we paid, so why bother?”), it is finally hitting those financially dependent on the truth being withheld from the public that the housing party, as they knew it, is over.

And other than a nasty hangover, a missing ATM card, a trashed, un-staged living room, and sporadic memories of that once-in-a-lifetime Ponzi Scheme…there isn’t much to show for it.

But don't trust me. Crack open a newspaper. Today's financial sector news is dismal. I mean absolutely brutal. Particularly for Los Angeles and Long Beach.

As most of you know, the Fed chairman just cut the key interest rate another half a percent. This, coming off the heels of a .75% rate cut just a matter of days ago. The Fed hopes that if mortgage interest rates are low enough, people like me with down payment money and healthy FICO scores who were smart enough to question the insanity of the housing bubble, will suddenly forget that houses are still overpriced and stake their bets on a declining housing market.

But this plan is painfully shortsighted and is tantamount to swatting flies but neglecting to clean up the dog turd.

I say this because the Fed could manipulate the key rate to the point where a 30-year-fixed rate is 1%, but prices would still be unaffordable and inconsistent with basic investing fundamentals.

Look at it this way: A bank could give you a 10-year, 0% interest car loan, but that still doesn’t mean you can suddenly afford the monthly payment on a Lamborghini Murcielago Reventon.

And that’s how far housing fundamentals are out of whack: Dodge Nitros with cloth interiors are now priced like exotic supercars.

Today I want to focus on what it means to ignore market fundamentals and overwhelmingly negative economic indicators and put a house on the market. This seller has clearly not been reading the newspapers. This poor sap believes that their “investment” performed better than any other investment vehicle on the planet combined…to the tune of more than 35% PER YEAR since 2002! Forget stocks and hedge funds—this person has the secret to building wealth!

Address: 5585 East Pacific Coast HWY #228, 90804
Asking Price: $254,900
Size: 1 beds, 1 baths, 597 sq. ft. (Yikes!)
Year Built: 1970
$/Sq. Ft.: $427
Purchase price: $256,500
Purchase date: 5/2005
MLS#: R705785
On Redfin: 245 days (This one won’t last!)
Description: No Short Sales hassle on this one! Close in 30 days! Luxury complex and turn-key unit. Balcony faces courtyard, very quiet. Unit is close to stairs, elevator, laudry, trash chute and assigned secure subterranean prking. Complex has pool, gym, tennis/basketball courts, security entrance w/ intercom. Perfect 4 invstmnt or owner occ. Walk to Long Beach State, VA center, & Ralphs Shopping Center. 1 mi to 405, 605 and 22 freeways.

Let me get this straight. Your realtor has 245 days to tweak and refine your listing, and yet we potential buyers still have to suffer through “laudry” “prking” and “invstmnt.”

They must really hate vowels.

But set aside the spelling errors for a second…I want you to take in this statement: “Perfect 4 invstmnt or owner occ.”

If that was true, wouldn’t this “owner occ” be interested in keeping their solid, positive cash-flowing “invstmnt” for themselves? Maybe they just want to take their real estate riches and move up to a bigger place. At less than 600 square feet, that’s very likely.

Just for the heck of it, let's run the numbers to see how honest that "Perfect 4 invstmnt" claim is:

Down Payment: At 10%, we're talking $25,490.

Monthly Payment: Financing the remaining $229,410 at 6% (given the recent rate cuts, I’ll make an assumption on the interest rate) would leave you with an approximate monthly payment (including association dues, property taxes, and homeowners insurance--but not maintenance costs on this 40-year-old virgin) of $1900. There's no way this place rents for more than $1100 a month (I went apartment shopping last weekend, trust me on this). So that means your "invstmnt" is costing you $800 in negative cashflow per month. Last I checked bleeding hundred dollar bills from your rectum is a poor investment.

Income Requirement: Assuming a 4x income calculation, the annual household income required to realistically afford this love shack would be around $65,000. I’m being extremely generous when I say this is a not a median home. Other than the amenities of the condo complex, the reality is that this place is:

Unbelievably small (dorm rooms at CSULB are palatial compared to this place),

Completely without upgrades (save a countertop of undetermined material),

Chock full of ancient fixtures (check out those doorknobs! Keeping it original, keeping it real), and,

Stocked with terribly outdated appliances.

Not only is this not a median home by size, amenities, or price (remember, the median price in Long Beach is around $500,000), it’s a bottom of the barrel, entry level, sub-median property.

The reason I bring this up is to make a very important point: At this price, even this dingy, tiny, depressing sub-median place is out of reach for the actual median homebuyer in 90804.

BY DOUBLE!

The median income for this area is $35,063, meaning not even a hardworking couple bringing in an income higher than half of all of Long Beach residents in this area can afford to live here. Roll that around in your noggin for a minute: This dump is actually TOO NICE for your average working couple.

And Lord have mercy if that couple has kids. Maybe they can set up bunk beds in that fancy gym?

But let's say you believe this place is worth "stretching" the budget and you want to become the "owner/occ." I strongly recommend living by yourself, as you will be cohabitating directly on top of your better half. I don’t even know if there’s enough room for a pet.

Oh, I take that back:

Hi puppy!

I’m dying to know how strong the dog excrement smell is in this place. Keep those windows open during the Open House!

Please note the enormous, brand new flat-screen TV that is too big for the tiny, otherwise filthy, shabbily decorated refrigerator box of a room. This is a testament to the greed, fiscal foolishness, and warped priorities of many homebuyers during the last few years. What do you want to bet there’s a leased C-Class in the parking garage?

And on top of the pet odors, there's a red cigarette lighter on the table next to the couch. I'm sure it's for lighting candles. Right.

What a sty.

Unless there has suddenly been a huge demand for dirty 600 square foot 1 bed/1 baths in Long Beach, there is no way to explain the mentality behind the pricing of this pill box, other than a disturbed individual blinded by avarice and the staunch refusal to admit they made an unwise financial decision.

This individual purchased their linen closet in 2005, right at the peak of wacky financing and real estate hype, for $256,500. If they get their asking price today, after sales commissions they would lose around $15,000. Seems to me they just want to get out for as close to break-even as possible.

Considering some of the losses I’ve seen lately, $15,000 isn't horrendous. But it's still a loss on something touted as a "Perfect" investment. Not a great investment for them at $256,500, but surely a great investment for you at 254,900, right?

Clearly if this person is suicidal enough to try to sell in this brutal, rapidly declining market, they are under significant financial pressure and desperate to get out from underneath it. They are obviously hoping a “greater fool” will come along to bail them out so they can lick their wounds and go back to renting, where they now realize is where they belong.

But there’s one big, hairy, unrelenting problem: This POS has been on the market for 245 days.

The people have spoken. And there message is: Prices are tumbling around you, and if you really want to get out of this, it's going to cost you much more than $15,000. But this seller just isn't listening and the price remains.

And there’s another voice trying to explain the writing on the wall to the seller: The haunting voice of the pre-bubble price. In 2002, before the loosey-goosey lending standards took hold, this matchbox sold for a whopping $96,000. Now, I’m not saying that this place will revert to 2002 prices (although it’s already sitting unsold at below the 2005 price. Next it'll sit at the 2004 price, then maybe 2003, then...) but it’s safe to say that much of the gains between ’02 and ’05 will be eaten up on the way down to a realistic selling price.

So, instead of assuming prices will return to '02 levels, let's instead take the optimistic approach and factor in an extremely generous 7% average annual increase during the last six years. That would leave us with a 2008 value of around $150,000. Throw that number into the magic 4x income calculator and…well I’ll be damned: That would put this place in the affordability range of the median couple. Outside of fraud or an even dumberer "invstr," I don't see this place selling for much more than $160,000. That price would meet economic fundamentals and provide parity with rent prices--which as we all know by now is the only time to buy.

Psssst. Hey seller. Reality is on line 4...you ready to take this call?

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Wave Ya Hands in the Air, if You's a True Playa

During the housing bubble, prices became so grossly inflated that creativity was a must for those rushing to buy out of an irrational fear they would be "priced out forever."

Creativity in the way of financing allowed subprime deadbeats with terrible credit histories to borrow six or seven times their incomes, and we had an influx of Alt-A loans which allowed people with decent FICO scores--but no verifiable income or ability to handle such extreme debt loads--to buy overpriced homes (usually with nothing down).

In addition, we heard creative advice from real estate "professionals" for buyers to raid their 401(k) for down payment help, and heard buyers should rent out rooms to offset the crushing weight of the monthly mortgage payment. From a financial perspective, buying a 2 bedroom, 2 bath place and renting out a room is a good idea. Why anyone would work so hard to finally buy their own home only to have a Craig's List Creeper cramp their style and lower their quality of enjoyment, I have no idea. But financially, sure, I get that.

Today's property is a prime example of a condo too expensive to afford on Long Beach's median income alone--necessitating at least one roommate to achieve some semblance of affordability.

Address: 5585 E Pacific Coast Hwy #154, 90804
Asking Price: $324,900
Year Built: 1970
Size: 2 beds, 2 bath, 913 sq. ft.
$/Sq. Ft.: $356
HOA Fine: $229
Purchase price: NA
Purchase date: NA
MLS#: P646198
On Redfin: 36 days
Down Payment: $64,980
Monthly Payment: $2300
Income Requirement: $81,225
Description: Wonderful 1st floor CORNER location....Quietest in the complex !(Only 1 shared wall) Popular 'Park Ocean' building with Community Pool,Spa,Sauna,Tennis,Basketball,New BBQ grills,Workout Room w/ New Equipment,AND unit is wired for FIOS & Cable all included in the Low Assoc.Dues ! Best floor plan with Two Master Bedrooms and 2 Private Baths-Both Newly Remodeled w/ Custom Tiling,New Vanities,Faucets,Fixtures,Sinks,AND Designer Shower Door and Granite Counters... Modern,Open Living Area w/ Pergo-Type Flooring,Air Cond,New Doors and Custom Blinds. Contemporary Kitchen w/extra storage Maple Cabinets w/under lighting,'2' 7foot Pantries,Recessed Lighting w/ Dimmer Switches (also in Bathrooms),and Stainless Steel Appliances. Desireable 'Park Estates' neighborhood- Conveniently located to Golf Course,Cal-State Long Beach,Stores,Shops,Freeways, and Beaches !!!!!!! One of the Lowest Association Dues with the Most Amenities in the Area. HURRY- Won't Last..Lowest Price per sq.ft.

As I scanned through pictures of this "Desireable" property, I found this gem and began to wonder about the roommate situation in this place:

And then this crazy four-post bed caught my eye:

And I started forming a mental image of the two roommates inhabiting this place:

"WE'RE TWO WILD AND CRAZAAAAY GUYS!"

Can't you totally picture that? Out at the pool in their speedos, doing pushups near the ladies' restroom, trying to get girls to come back to their pad for lukewarm white russians and naked Jenga.

Then I noticed there are no pictures of the second bedroom. Sex dungeon, maybe? Further, the fact there is "only one shared wall" is one of the first things mentioned in the listing description. Maybe this condo is for true players only.

"Don't worry baby, nobody will hear us. 'Discreet' is my middle name. Actually, it's Daniel, but you're pickin' up what I'm puttin' down, right?"

The blue trim around this bathroom door really stood out too.

Is that a subtle homage to the 1972 porno movie Behind the Green Door? Classy!

There, that's more like it.

I could go on for days with this stuff.

Anyhow, back to the property at hand (pimp hand, that is)...

You have to give the listing agent credit for going green. Some people are cutting down on fuel consumption, others are reducing their water usage…this dude is cutting back on spaces after punctuation marks and unnecessary letters. Al Gore approves.

Trying to make sense of that listing description, with its sporadic TiTle CAse madness, is like trying to read the Constitution while hanging upside down on a dimly-lit bullet train. Nauseating.

“Lowest Price per sq.ft.” – Compared to what? A penthouse on the Upper East Side? $356 per square is a joke.

“HURRY- Won’t Last..” – Boy, that sounds familiar. Unless some major price reductions start happening, I have a sneaking suspicion we’ll be seeing this listing a year from now.

In the interest of trying to find ONE positive thing to say about this property, at least the FIOS and cable are included in the HOA fee. Which is important because with a $2,300 monthly nut--even with the income of a true player--you're not going to have any money left over to go to the movies or--DAMN IT! I was trying so hard to stay positive!

I'll try again.

Ummm...your kitchen might be bigger than one in my dad's old Winnebago! Awesome!

And, um, you were able to maximize the three square feet of kitchen counter space by relocating the microwave to a totally natural, not-at-all-awkward location! Functional!

Uhhhh...I think I see Jesus in your kitchen tile! Do you know what that's worth on eBay?! You're rich!

Let's see...the gaps in your kitchen cabinets and the missing cabinet over the refrigerator looks way retro--like, 1930's depression-era retro, where people had to use whatever was around because they had no money. That totally looks like it belongs there! Trend setting!

Oh, and before any of you players out there interested in plunking down nearly 70 grand for a down payment and parting with $2,300 a month for this 913 square foot babe lair, the seller has informed us that the "Listing Price Excludes: PLASMA T.V. AND WALL MOUNT, AND ALL ARTWORK THRU-OUT.... "

Sorry, player, when it comes to recreating the sexy magic of this lovers' lounge, you're on your own.

Friday, May 8, 2009

RE in the LBC Updates

Here is an update on some RE in the LBC properties.

Some cut their asking price:

A JOKE WITHOUT A PUNCHLINE
Price reduced $10,000 to $484,900.

ONE FOOT OUT THE DOOR
Price reduced $50,000 to $399,000.

IN THE YEAR 2000...
Price reduced $40,000 to $209,900. 403 days and counting.

A few sissies threw in the towel:

TALK ABOUT CRAPPY TIMING
Status: Off Market

THE GLASS HOUSE
Status: Off Market

And after 321 days, this loft with the disco deck went pending (allegedly):

BACK FROM THE EAST COAST WITH A QUICKIE
Status: Accepting Backup Offers

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Back From the East Coast with a Quickie:

Address: 207 E Broadway #301, 90802
Asking Price: $553,000
Size: 1 beds, 2 baths, 1310 sq. ft. (built in 1925)
$/Sq. Ft.: $422
HOA Fee: $327
MLS#: S537137
On Redfin: 153 days
Down Payment: $110,600
Monthly Payment: $3,700
Income Requirement: $158,000
Description: SHORT SALE APPROVED AT $553,000!

Well, considering it was priced $4,000 cheaper for 150 days AND STILL FAILED TO GARNER ANY BUYING INTEREST...best of luck with that!

Real Estate in the LBC