Guess What Time it is...

Address: 420 Winslow Ave, 90814
Asking Price: $799,900
Year Built: 1959
Size: 2 beds, 2 baths, 1,721 sq. ft.
$/Sq. Ft.: $465
MLS#: P693035
On Redfin: 23 days
Down Payment: $160,000
Monthly Payment: $4,800
Income Requirement: $230,000
Description: This rare, custom home epitomizes the architecture of the mid-century. A vaulted ceiling showcases a wall of glass overlooking the kidney shaped pool. Trendy home in one of the finest of neighborhoods. The fireplace hearth is curved and cantilevered. The master bedroom is large with sliding glass doors allowing an unobstructed view of the pool and outdoor living area. The guest bedroom is large with ample closet space. The absolutely adorable original guest bathroom with the darling yellow tile is accessible from the pool. The galley style kitchen has the original rich wood cabinets. There is also a den/office adjacent to the dining area. Nearly new central air conditioning, new pool pump, new garage door and new water heater.

A pretty damn good description! Nice work!

I dig this house. I really do. The vibe is great, the layout is kind of funky and esoteric, and the retro furniture (save these nasty-ass pink chairs below) provides a glimpse of just how sweet this place could be with a consistent design plan, the right artwork, and a metric ton of elbow grease.

Check out this sales history for a sordid tale of winners and losers in the treacherous game of musical chairs known as Southern California real estate:

Dec 29, 1989 - Sold $410,000
Nov 06, 1998 - Sold $362,500 (after nine years of ownership--mostly during the last housing downturn--the 1989 buyer took a $70,000 hit. But I thought real estate always went up?)
Mar 04, 2005 - Sold $755,000 (how's about doubling your money in eight years? Thank you housing bubble!)
Jul 13, 2006 - Sold $891,000 (a quick $80,000 profit for one year of ownership! Boo-ya!)
Jun 26, 2009 - Listed $799,900

The most amazing thing about all of those transactions dating back to the 80s is outside of a "nearly new" AC unit and pool pump, nobody actually put a dime into this house. No improvements, no upgrades, no real money into it. In fact, during the bubble, two owners racked up lottery-worthy financial gains by just living here and leaving it as-is! Amazing.

Our featured buyer, who paid almost a million dollars ($891,000) near the peak of the Great Housing Bubble, clearly bit off more than he could chew (and before some knucklehead starts whining that this "victim" lost his job and therefore should bear no responsibility for his losses, paying so much for a house that mortgage payments can't be sustained after a temporary job loss is the very definition of "biting off more than you can chew") and after three years of ownership has decided to sell--even though it means shouldering a significant loss.

And with an initial asking price $91,100 less than what he paid three short years ago, he clearly sees the writing on the wall and is not in any denial about the coming financial pain.

What kind of pain are we talking?

Assuming this underwater seller finds a sucker--ERRR...buyer for the current asking price of $799,900, the loss including commissions will be roughly $140,000. That's nearly $50,000 depreciation per year of ownership! Ouch.

Mind you, this is not a short sale (yet) so that will be a straight cash loss.

Of course, those loss calculations are assuming this seller, with this kitchen:

...and this bathroom:

...and, uh, this bathroom:

...is able to secure a buyer for 800 Large.

If the seller truly believes that's going to happen in this economic (and lending) environment, it's obvious what time it is at their house:

Straight up, this is a borderline fixer. That kitchen is a demolition permit with a fridge (ugh, sweet linoleum), I've seen nicer carpeting in downtown Vegas, the bathrooms are terrible (although to his credit, he's made the most out of them), and there must be an awfully (emphasis on awful) good reason for excluding shots of the bedrooms.

Sorry, holmes. Unless you find a chump with better weed than the stuff you're smoking (good luck), it's not going to happen.

This is a killer neighborhood and the home has a ton of potential given the architecture and the pool, but there's just too much three-bedroom competition in this neighborhood.

Do you think he'll get serious in time to catch whatever's left of the Super Summer Selling Season(tm)?

Hi y'all! Heavy travel this week, so probably no updates until the weekend.

**BREAKING NEWS**BREAKING NEWS**BREAKING NEWS**

**FOR WIDESPREAD DISSEMINATION**

CRACK PANDEMIC SWEEPS DOWNTOWN LONG BEACH, CA.

LONG BEACH POLICE SPOKESMAN SAMUEL L. BRONKOWITZ INFORMS THE LONG BEACH HOUSING BLOG THAT AN EXCESSIVELY POTENT STRAIN OF CRACK COCAINE HAS MADE ITS WAY INTO THE GREATER LONG BEACH AREA, AND ESPECIALLY DOWNTOWN.

THIS POWERFUL VERSION, REFERRED TO BY THOSE ON THE STREET AS "SUPER-CRACK," IS SAID TO CAUSE USERS TO LOSE TOUCH WITH REALITY AND SUFFER FROM HORRIFIC DELUSIONS OF GRANDEUR. ACCORDING TO POLICE SOURCES, EFFORTS ARE BEING MADE TO CONTAIN THE SPREADING PANDEMIC, BUT THERE ARE REPORTS OF PARTICULARLY FREQUENT USE AMONG THE BANKER AND REALTOR COMMUNITIES.

PLEASE BE ON THE LOOKOUT AND CALL POLICE IF YOU SEE EVIDENCE OF SUPER-CRACK ABUSE IN YOUR COMMUNITY.

"Yeah, uh, Police? You need to get down here now. Some crackhead just photoshopped flames into a fireplace."

Address: 400 W Ocean Blvd #3002, 90802
Asking Price: $2,149,000
Year Built: 2007
Size: 3 beds, 3 baths, 3,249 sq. ft.
$/Sq. Ft.: $661
HOA Fine: $994
MLS#: U9000979
Down Payment: $430,000
Monthly Payment: $13,000
Income Requirement: $614,000
Description: Try to find another that compares! Here is your chance to own the top 30th floor (tallest in Long Beach) Penthouse home in the newest high rise complex,'West Ocean'. This amazing home offers some of the best 270+ views of the ocean & city from Santa Monica to Newport Beach! These views also include Catalina Island & amazing sunrises & sunsets! This exclusive Penthouse offers a spacious & open floor plan w/views from every room & 3 oversized balconies for plenty of outside living! Interior upgrades include granite counter tops in the kitchen & all bathrooms,custom travertine flooring, extra high ceilings unique to the penthouses only, custom cabinetry w/european hinges & pulls,upgraded gas stainless appliances. Master bath walk-in marble shower & jacuzzi tub w/incredible views along w/marble floors w/mosaic inlay. 24hr guard,pool,spa,sauna,rec. room,bus. center,wine cellar,storage room,guest suite & more! Premier owner parking next to elevator. A must see!

Original Listing Date: Nov 23, 2007

Dawson's Crock: UPDATE

This Diminutive Dump on Dawson had itself a little price reduction:




From Redfin: The list price was "$339,900" and changed to "$316,900"
Wow, a whopping 7%. Hell, they probably already lost that much equity in the first half of this year--now they're just playing catch up!

Regardless, we're now firmly in 2003 pricing for a detached home 4,000 feet from the ocean.

QUESTION OF THE DAY: Will it be enough to nab a seller before we creep over into 2002 pricing?

Nutjob in Naples

Morekaos over on the Irvine Housing Blog Forums reminded me of this resilient (read: wholly delusional) Naples seller:


Dude, the front of this house looks like Clifford's dick.



Address: 169 Angelo Walk, 90803
Asking Price: $995,000
Year Built: 1984
Size: 3 beds, 3 baths, 2,103 sq. ft.
$/Sq. Ft.: $473
Purchase price: $997,000
Purchase date: 6/2004
MLS#: P593707
On Redfin: 900 days
Down Payment: $200,000
Monthly Payment: $6,000
Income Requirement: $285,000
Description: This custom built home has it all.Great open floorplan, w/spacious gourmet kitchen w/food preparation island,surrounded by French doors opening to a secluded brick courtyard,which is centrally located for great entertaining and dining.There is casual dining off the kitchen area, Formal Living room with fireplace and custom bookshelves. Oversized Master bedroom complete with fireplace, sitting area, balcony and spacious master bath adjacent with large tub.Excellent Naples location, close to Bay!

That description, although free of spelling errors, is riddled with idiotic capitalization and horrific punctuation. You would think after 900 days (yes, you read that correctly: two-and-a-half fucking years rotting on the market) the realtor would fix that. For the record, the listing says "696 days" but it's been begging on the MLS since January 2007.

The asking price of $995,000 (which has remained unchanged since February of this year--aggressive!) represents a $2,000 discount from the 2004 purchase price. But but but, I thought Naples was immune!

Uh, buddy? I think it might take just a little bit more of a price cut to sell. That's just a hunch.

This home has done the List/Delist/Relist mambo seven times. You can just picture each relisting representing an agent losing his job for suggesting a price reduction.

And speaking of greedtarded sellers and their incompetent and/or sycophantic realtors, the price was reduced once in the entire year of 2008. ONCE! Now that's some clever salesmanship!

I have no idea what this thing initially listed for in '07, but it doesn't take a Nobel Prize-winning economist to figure out it was way too much. And after that WTF price, this attempted transaction became a painful lesson about the perils of sticking to wishing prices during a horrific housing decline.

Just think: If this genius had been realistic about what his house "deserved" to get from the outset, he could be rid of this albatross and might have even squeezed out a profit after commissions!

Instead, 2.5 years later the bullheaded seller is looking at a -$61,000 loss. And that loss is assuming a seller, after six months of zero interest at this non-starter of an asking price, suddenly parachutes in from his Lear jet and decides $995,000 is a fair price for a narrow-ass house with a big brick dick hanging off the front.

And what's up with the kitchen? Not only does it look really cramped (no overhead microwave on a million dollar house?), but check out the oven:

Looks to me like that's the same one that was installed in the early 80s. Either that or Viking just released a super high-end retro line.

What a joke.

It's worth noting that during the last six months, only three homes have sold in this neighborhood, and only one went for more than a million bucks--and it had two more bedrooms, an extra bathroom, more square footage, and was only 200 feet from the water!

Some people will never learn. They clearly are in no hurry to move, so they might as well hang on to it and ride out the housing bust. Because unless they're willing to get realistic about their price and admit that a sale will mean a massive financial loss, they're just clogging up the MLS and wasting everyone's time.