Monday, April 19, 2010

The Impatient Inpatient

Asking Price: $1,599,000
1390 LOS ALTOS Ave, Long Beach, 90815
Beds: 4
Baths: 3.5
Sq. Ft.: 3,400
$/Sq. Ft.: $470
Lot Size: 0.33 Acres
Year Built: 1956
Community: Park Estates
MLS#: P704104
On Redfin: 210 days
Down Payment (30%): $480,000
Income Requirement (total mortgage/3.5): $320,000/yr
Monthly Nut: $8,000
Description: Totally remodeled showcase home with top of the line amenities throughout. This Kenneth Wing modern style home is practically brand new and features 4 bedrooms + additional office, 4 baths, and approx. 3,400 sq. ft of living space. Gourmet kitchen, granite counters, top of the line appliances & fixtures, bamboo flooring, remodeled baths, new windows, 2 fireplaces, central heat and AC, plus more! All rooms look outside to the beautifully landscaped yard with swimming pool making this home perfect for indoor/outdoor living. Perfect for entertaining with light/open floorplan and French doors stepping outside from most rooms. Rare, upgraded style in exclusive Park Etates neighborhood. All this on an estate sized lot. MUST SEE!

No, what people "MUST SEE!" is that nasty fire hazard of a roof on a $1.6 million house!


Looks like the mouth of a homeless candy aficionado.

And realtard: just a bit of advice. When trying to sell a house for $1,600,000, make sure you actually spell the neighborhood correctly. Unless Park "Etates" is some special Long Beach enclave I've never heard of, that's some bush-league stuff, son.

I am continually amazed by the mentality of fools who purchased in 2008 despite well-documented evidence of rapidly declining prices. I mean, what the hell were they thinking?

"It's a whopping 10% off the last sales price! I'd better snap it up before I get priced out forever...again!"

Well if it fell 10% in just one year, did you ever consider what would stop it from falling another 10%? Or 20%? What's your hurry, cupcake?

Plus, this impatient inpatient failed to consider what the sale price was in the transaction before last.

For this property, all this dummy needed to do was look at the public records:

Aug 22, 2008 - Sold $1,595,000 (-10.8%/yr)
Apr 03, 2007 - Sold $1,870,000 (+72.0%/yr)
Jun 02, 2006 - Sold $1,190,000

Fucking whooooooooooooooops.

Really, guy? You saw that 72% annual appreciation between 2006 and 2007 and thought a measly 10.8% discount from the peak price somehow made this a bargain?

Sir, I think you're too stupid to breed.

What's even more dumbfounding is that these 2008 buyers are just as clueless on the way out. Most of them have actually convinced themselves that despite 2008 not being anywhere close to the bottom, there are buyers out there ready and willing to bail them out of their eyes-bigger-than-their-wallet mistakes. Seriously, how many 2008 buyers have you seen that truly believe they won't lose a dime selling in 2010?


In case you haven't noticed, the two years since your purchase have been absolutely hideous as far as unemployment, price declines, and constricting jumbo lending requirements. Just how the holy hell do you think you're going to get out of this only paying commissions?

I'll never understand these idiots.

Don't get me wrong, this is a nice ass house!


Although, what's up with this photo? Is it just me or is the bed sticking out at a wonky angle?
What possible advantage could that provide from a layout perspective?

Whatever. Look, the debate isn't about whether this is a sweet property; it's about whether it can command $5,000 more than it sold for two years (and one housing crash) earlier.

After 210 days on the market at the same price, the answer is a resounding HELL NAH, SON.

To make matters worse, the location within the neighborhood is terrible. It's on a janky-ass lot which backs right up to busy-ass Bellflower. It doesn't matter how nice it is inside, just because you were dumb enough to pay top-dollar for a crappy lot location doesn't mean your potential buyers will be equally as stupid.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news but you fucked up. You paid too much too early in the crash, and the sooner you accept that, the sooner you'll be able to extricate yourself from this monstrous mortgage payment and move on with your life.

But dude, it's time to live in the now. You need to let go of your misguided, "break-even" wishing price and slash it by $100,000 tonight...and keep cutting until it sells.

Better yet, just take it off the market and enjoy living in this killer house. Oh that's right, YOU CAN'T. Because if you could actually afford this house in the first place you wouldn't be trying to sell for a $90,000 loss after commissions, would you?



  1. el bee,
    "impatient inpatient"...nice!

  2. That end was just wrong! But I love it. tee hee!!

    REALLY nice place!!

    Thanks again El Bee. Good to see you reviewing an upper tier place like this.

    I wonder if there is a wall behind the place that blocks the sound from Bellflower? Maybe if there is, it might not be such a bad location? That would mean no neighbors behind you, versus the others that have a house behind them.

    This place is pretty darn sweet!

  3. Sweet place, yes. Good deal, no. Dude is going to get tooled at some point since he's already having trouble with the payments. 1.5 million is way too much for FHA to bail out, so he is toast.

  4. I smell a short sale coming. Keep up the good work el bee. I love your bitterness. These folks are morons and it's about time they learned thier lesson. Tuff love is what this country needs!!!!

  5. Damn, I could just see having an automatic lowering screen, and a 90 inch HD projector, right in front of those windows showing out to the backyard garden.....

    Just daydreamin.