Sunday, October 11, 2009

Nice One, Magellan

1500 E Ocean Blvd #512
Los Alamitos, CA 90802
Price: $580,000
Beds: 3
Baths: 2
Sq. Ft.: 1,455
$/Sq. Ft.: $399
Year Built: 2000
MLS#: S09103239
On Redfin: 15 days
HOA: $473
Down Payment: $116,000 (assuming lenders "only" require 20% in this building)
Income Requirement: $166,000
Monthly Nut: $3,600
Description: Beautiful unit in a desirable complex, the unit is light and bright it has 2 balconies, beautiful walnut wood floors, newer carpet in bedrooms, and partial views. The complex is pet friendly and has direct beach access, two side by side parking spaces, pool, spa, clubhouse, gym, plus a sundeck overlooking the Ocean and Queen Mary.

Just how incompetent are you when you list the wrong city for the condo you're trying to sell?

Is this a joke? It's like they're throwing meatballs right down the middle for me to hit out of the park.

I know it seems like I talk shit relentlessly about realtors, but come on. How can you blame me? And how can you honest, hardworking realtors out there not be fundamentally PISSED by this lack of professionalism and the effect that has on perceptions of your line of work?

There's no other job in the world where you can have such little attention to detail, a lack of duty to your clients, and a fundamental misunderstanding of your area of "expertise" yet demand so much money for your lackluster efforts.

Hell, all I have is a solid work ethic, an ability to spell, and, you know, identify cities on a fucking map. I'm clearly not cut out for selling used houses.

Good lord, just look at this unbridled dumbfuckery:

Oct 08, 2009 - Price Changed $580,000
Oct 06, 2009 - Price Changed $580,000
Sep 24, 2009 - Listed $625,000
Sep 05, 2009 - Listed $625,000
Sep 02, 2009 - Delisted
Aug 31, 2009 - Sold $625,000
Jul 28, 2009 - Price Changed
Jul 28, 2009 - Relisted
Jun 07, 2009 - Listed
Apr 20, 2009 - Delisted
Apr 19, 2009 - Relisted
Apr 18, 2009 - Delisted
Mar 12, 2009 - Listed
Jan 02, 2009 - Delisted
Dec 21, 2008 - Price Changed
Dec 12, 2008 - Relisted
Dec 11, 2008 - Delisted
Nov 04, 2008 - Price Changed
Sep 30, 2008 - Price Changed
Sep 03, 2008 - Listed
Aug 06, 2008 - Delisted
Jul 09, 2008 - Price Changed
Mar 27, 2008 - Price Changed
Feb 28, 2008 - Price Changed
Jan 29, 2008 - Price Changed
Oct 08, 2007 - Price Changed
Sep 05, 2007 - Listed
Aug 24, 2007 - Delisted
Aug 01, 2007 - Price Changed
Jul 08, 2007 - Price Changed
Jun 21, 2007 - Price Changed
Jun 18, 2007 - Price Changed
Jun 14, 2007 - Price Changed
May 13, 2007 - Price Changed
Apr 02, 2007 - Listed
Jun 28, 2006 - Sold $845,000
Jul 28, 2004 - Sold $699,000
Mar 27, 2003 - Sold $505,000

That property history provides a perfect illustration of the housing bubble and it's inevitable aftermath.

Just look at the action between 2003 and 2006. Ahhh, the good ol' days. Making phantom bubble profits hand over fist. Then fisting the lender and taxpayers after two-and-a-half years of market chasing and an exhausting delist/relist dry hump.

The bank finally took it back in August of this year for $625,000 and within a week had it relisted (it was obviously unoccupied) for--SHOCKER--$625,000 .

That sheer lunacy didn't last long, as the price was just slashed by $45,000. So now, according to this apartment's "value" during the bubble, we're firmly in 2003 pricing.

As always, the question is: Will it be enough?

I'm not sure what rents are like in Los Alamitos, but here in Long Beach, $3,600 a month will get you some pretty sweet digs.

In fact, you can rent ocean-view units (none of this "partial view" horseshit) in West Ocean Two for under $2,500. And you best believe in this shaky economy that rents on luxury apartments are N-E-G-O-T-I-A-B-L-E.

If you are obtunded enough to spend an extra $1,000+ per month for the vaunted pride of "owning" rather than renting a nearly identical unit in West Ocean Two, it's worth noting that "loser" renters will have the same amenity access but won't be responsible for the $473 monthly HOA fine (subject to increases and unable to be written off your taxes).

So, yeah, only a complete moron would think $580,000 is anything but a horrendous, bald-faced rip off. Hey, maybe the listing agent should put in an offer!


  1. Hello. Because I also work as a realtor I entirely understand what you're talking about. The government should't spend so much money on all the bills including the first time homebuyer credit. That causes the creation of another and another "bubbles". If the government as well as the people don't stop increasing debts the "bubbles" will continue and so will the financial crisis.
    Wishing all the best,

  2. "should't"...oh, yes, she's definitely a realtor!

  3. Well, one missing "n" is not a big deal, when you have the chance to read this listing:

    The "author" of this brilliant writing should be arrested and immediately deported.