HOA Headaches

It's wholly unrelated to Long Beach real estate, but I just had to share this. Two of my favorite things in the world, Jay-Z and Radiohead, have been combined into one clever, impressive package:

Friends, I present Jaydiohead (Check it out before he gets served with a cease and desist).

Anyhow, back to real estate.



Address: 1310 E OCEAN Blvd #105
Asking Price: $250,000
Year Built: 1984
Size: 1 bed, 1 bath, 1,000 sq. ft.
$/Sq. Ft.: $250
MLS#: R810999
On Redfin: 16 days
Down Payment: $50,000
Monthly Payment: $2,000
Income Requirement: $71,000
Description: FINALLY! A DEAL ON OCEAN BLVD. DIRECT ACCESS TO THE BEACH, CENTRALLY LOCATED NEAR BELMONT SHORE, THE PIKE, PINE ST, EAST VILLAGE, BELMONT SHORE, NAPLES AREA AND A BIKE RIDE AWAY TO SHORELINE VILLAGE AND THE AQUARIUM. OR TAKE A SHORT WALK TO COFFEE SHOPS, RESTAURANTS AND SHOPS. UNIT INCLUDES: LAUNDY FACILITY, CABLE AND INTERNET READY , TILE COUNTERTOPS WITH TILE FLOORING WITH NICE OPEN FLOORPLAN WONDERFUL AMMENITIES: STATE OF THE ART GYM, SUANA, HOT TUB, POOL, CABANA, 24 HR SECURITY GUARD, AND ACCESS TO THE BEACH AND JOGGING TRAIL ,ETC. 1000 SQ FT 2 SUBTERRANEAN PARKING SPACES

"LAUNDY?" "AMMENITIES?" AND TURN YOUR STUPID CAPS LOCK OFF!

The short sale price on this (enormous) ground-level apartment represents a 50% loss in two-and-a-half years. Yikes! What do you call something shorter than a short sale? A squat sale?

And to understand why condos are taking such a severe beating (and will continue to do so), all you need to do is peek at the greed-faced insanity that transpired during The Great Housing Bubble:

Aug 08, 1988 - Sold $210,000
Nov 22, 1999 - Sold $198,000 (11 years of ownership, and all I got was this lousy loss)
Mar 25, 2005 - Sold $432,000 (1999 owner walks with $200,000 after holding for 5.5 years)
Jul 03, 2006 - Sold $510,000 (2005 owner squeaks out a cool 50 grand for 15 months of ownership)

That's right my friends, this joint sold near the peak for $510 per square foot. Sweet Rosie O'Donnell that's insane! And insanely unsustainable.

So, after a 50% discount from the 2006 price (and a 28% reduction from the original asking price), we're hovering above the sales price from THE FREAKING EIGHTIES! But it's still not an attractive buy.

Por que?

Those three familiar, eternally dreadful letters strike again:

H

O

A

In this case, we're talking $725 smackers per month.

Did your intestines just roll up into an arbor knot? Ouchies.

So your monthly payment FOR A ONE BEDROOM APARTMENT goes from a more-than-manageable $1,300 to a whopping $2,000 instantly. Considering you can rent a two-bedroom with ocean views (this discounted domicile is pool view) for the same price, buying doesn't make much sense.

Who knows, maybe this apartment is really kick ass inside. Of course, we'd never know because the listing agent didn't bother to include any useful photos. Ah, the joys of squat sales.

Oh well, to paraphrase HOvA (get it?), "I got 99 problems but catastrophic depreciation on an overpriced asset ain't one."