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Address: 711 E 1st St., 90802
Asking Price: $155,000
Year Built: 1920
Size: 1 beds, 1 baths, 468 sq. ft.
$/Sq. Ft.: $331
Purchase price: $23,000
Purchase date: 8/1976
MLS#: A09042437
On Redfin: 98 days
Down Payment: $31,000
Monthly Payment: $900
Income Requirement: $44,000
Description: ??? Investor???s Delight! Lease or Built (Lots of room to build) ??? Square feet: 486 SF, Lot: 2,444 SF, 1 bdrm/1bath, Zoning: LBPD30, Use Code: Single Family Residential. ??? Beach Lovers Dream, 1st Time Buyers Dream. ??? Cozy, warm, family home. ??? Close to Pacific Ocean, Queen Mary, Grocery market. Library, and Food Courts. FRONT AND BACK PATIO. LARGE FRONT YARD 3 BLOCKS AWAY FROM THE PACIFIC OCEAN

"FRONT AND BACK PATIO"? Dude, with 468 square feet of living space--this property is all patio!

According to the listing description, this is an "Investor???s Delight," as well as a "Beach Lovers Dream" and a "1st Time Buyers Dream." All things to all people, eh?

However, the interior pictures tell a much different story. A story which eerily mirrors the general plotline of Leaving Las Vegas.





Yikes! This place is obviously--OBVIOUSLY--a tear down, which means you're essentially buying a 2,444 square foot lot three blocks from the beach for $155,000. Not too shabby. So, what kind of lot are we talking about?

Check out the Aerial View.

Go ahead, I'll wait.

Yep, just click there.

Uh huh.

Scroll down.

Aaaaaaaand there!

I know! Weird, right? I've seen horseshoe pits with wider dimensions!

All I want to know is how the fuck this wincing turd pile has a Notice of Default when the original mortgage was $23,000. How much of a loser do you have to be to fuck that one up? Just how many greased-up HELOC and Refi orgies do you have to attend before a low five-figure mortgage issued in the 70s becomes unmanageable?

And the sad part is I still don't think the lot will sell for the current asking price. To wit:

Whoa! That's quite a divergence. What happened between April and July? I thought real estate was supposed to be saved by the Super Summer Selling Season(tm).

Hell, even this guy believed it!

Jun 02, 2009 Price Changed $170,000
Jun 09, 2009 - Price Changed $200,000

LOL! Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. How'd that work out for you, sparky?

Guess What Time it is...

Address: 420 Winslow Ave, 90814
Asking Price: $799,900
Year Built: 1959
Size: 2 beds, 2 baths, 1,721 sq. ft.
$/Sq. Ft.: $465
MLS#: P693035
On Redfin: 23 days
Down Payment: $160,000
Monthly Payment: $4,800
Income Requirement: $230,000
Description: This rare, custom home epitomizes the architecture of the mid-century. A vaulted ceiling showcases a wall of glass overlooking the kidney shaped pool. Trendy home in one of the finest of neighborhoods. The fireplace hearth is curved and cantilevered. The master bedroom is large with sliding glass doors allowing an unobstructed view of the pool and outdoor living area. The guest bedroom is large with ample closet space. The absolutely adorable original guest bathroom with the darling yellow tile is accessible from the pool. The galley style kitchen has the original rich wood cabinets. There is also a den/office adjacent to the dining area. Nearly new central air conditioning, new pool pump, new garage door and new water heater.

A pretty damn good description! Nice work!

I dig this house. I really do. The vibe is great, the layout is kind of funky and esoteric, and the retro furniture (save these nasty-ass pink chairs below) provides a glimpse of just how sweet this place could be with a consistent design plan, the right artwork, and a metric ton of elbow grease.

Check out this sales history for a sordid tale of winners and losers in the treacherous game of musical chairs known as Southern California real estate:

Dec 29, 1989 - Sold $410,000
Nov 06, 1998 - Sold $362,500 (after nine years of ownership--mostly during the last housing downturn--the 1989 buyer took a $70,000 hit. But I thought real estate always went up?)
Mar 04, 2005 - Sold $755,000 (how's about doubling your money in eight years? Thank you housing bubble!)
Jul 13, 2006 - Sold $891,000 (a quick $80,000 profit for one year of ownership! Boo-ya!)
Jun 26, 2009 - Listed $799,900

The most amazing thing about all of those transactions dating back to the 80s is outside of a "nearly new" AC unit and pool pump, nobody actually put a dime into this house. No improvements, no upgrades, no real money into it. In fact, during the bubble, two owners racked up lottery-worthy financial gains by just living here and leaving it as-is! Amazing.

Our featured buyer, who paid almost a million dollars ($891,000) near the peak of the Great Housing Bubble, clearly bit off more than he could chew (and before some knucklehead starts whining that this "victim" lost his job and therefore should bear no responsibility for his losses, paying so much for a house that mortgage payments can't be sustained after a temporary job loss is the very definition of "biting off more than you can chew") and after three years of ownership has decided to sell--even though it means shouldering a significant loss.

And with an initial asking price $91,100 less than what he paid three short years ago, he clearly sees the writing on the wall and is not in any denial about the coming financial pain.

What kind of pain are we talking?

Assuming this underwater seller finds a sucker--ERRR...buyer for the current asking price of $799,900, the loss including commissions will be roughly $140,000. That's nearly $50,000 depreciation per year of ownership! Ouch.

Mind you, this is not a short sale (yet) so that will be a straight cash loss.

Of course, those loss calculations are assuming this seller, with this kitchen:

...and this bathroom:

...and, uh, this bathroom:

...is able to secure a buyer for 800 Large.

If the seller truly believes that's going to happen in this economic (and lending) environment, it's obvious what time it is at their house:

Straight up, this is a borderline fixer. That kitchen is a demolition permit with a fridge (ugh, sweet linoleum), I've seen nicer carpeting in downtown Vegas, the bathrooms are terrible (although to his credit, he's made the most out of them), and there must be an awfully (emphasis on awful) good reason for excluding shots of the bedrooms.

Sorry, holmes. Unless you find a chump with better weed than the stuff you're smoking (good luck), it's not going to happen.

This is a killer neighborhood and the home has a ton of potential given the architecture and the pool, but there's just too much three-bedroom competition in this neighborhood.

Do you think he'll get serious in time to catch whatever's left of the Super Summer Selling Season(tm)?

Hi y'all! Heavy travel this week, so probably no updates until the weekend.

**BREAKING NEWS**BREAKING NEWS**BREAKING NEWS**

**FOR WIDESPREAD DISSEMINATION**

CRACK PANDEMIC SWEEPS DOWNTOWN LONG BEACH, CA.

LONG BEACH POLICE SPOKESMAN SAMUEL L. BRONKOWITZ INFORMS THE LONG BEACH HOUSING BLOG THAT AN EXCESSIVELY POTENT STRAIN OF CRACK COCAINE HAS MADE ITS WAY INTO THE GREATER LONG BEACH AREA, AND ESPECIALLY DOWNTOWN.

THIS POWERFUL VERSION, REFERRED TO BY THOSE ON THE STREET AS "SUPER-CRACK," IS SAID TO CAUSE USERS TO LOSE TOUCH WITH REALITY AND SUFFER FROM HORRIFIC DELUSIONS OF GRANDEUR. ACCORDING TO POLICE SOURCES, EFFORTS ARE BEING MADE TO CONTAIN THE SPREADING PANDEMIC, BUT THERE ARE REPORTS OF PARTICULARLY FREQUENT USE AMONG THE BANKER AND REALTOR COMMUNITIES.

PLEASE BE ON THE LOOKOUT AND CALL POLICE IF YOU SEE EVIDENCE OF SUPER-CRACK ABUSE IN YOUR COMMUNITY.

"Yeah, uh, Police? You need to get down here now. Some crackhead just photoshopped flames into a fireplace."

Address: 400 W Ocean Blvd #3002, 90802
Asking Price: $2,149,000
Year Built: 2007
Size: 3 beds, 3 baths, 3,249 sq. ft.
$/Sq. Ft.: $661
HOA Fine: $994
MLS#: U9000979
Down Payment: $430,000
Monthly Payment: $13,000
Income Requirement: $614,000
Description: Try to find another that compares! Here is your chance to own the top 30th floor (tallest in Long Beach) Penthouse home in the newest high rise complex,'West Ocean'. This amazing home offers some of the best 270+ views of the ocean & city from Santa Monica to Newport Beach! These views also include Catalina Island & amazing sunrises & sunsets! This exclusive Penthouse offers a spacious & open floor plan w/views from every room & 3 oversized balconies for plenty of outside living! Interior upgrades include granite counter tops in the kitchen & all bathrooms,custom travertine flooring, extra high ceilings unique to the penthouses only, custom cabinetry w/european hinges & pulls,upgraded gas stainless appliances. Master bath walk-in marble shower & jacuzzi tub w/incredible views along w/marble floors w/mosaic inlay. 24hr guard,pool,spa,sauna,rec. room,bus. center,wine cellar,storage room,guest suite & more! Premier owner parking next to elevator. A must see!

Original Listing Date: Nov 23, 2007

Dawson's Crock: UPDATE

This Diminutive Dump on Dawson had itself a little price reduction:




From Redfin: The list price was "$339,900" and changed to "$316,900"
Wow, a whopping 7%. Hell, they probably already lost that much equity in the first half of this year--now they're just playing catch up!

Regardless, we're now firmly in 2003 pricing for a detached home 4,000 feet from the ocean.

QUESTION OF THE DAY: Will it be enough to nab a seller before we creep over into 2002 pricing?