Friday, June 4, 2010

Wooden Teeth: UPDATE II

The price was "$299,000" and changed to "$269,000"

Days on Market: 911



Well, this is a fun way to start the new year:

The price was "$344,000" and changed to "$299,000"

By the way, this marks the THIRD YEAR on the MLS for this property. There are a lot of notable delusional greedtards in the LBC, but I think this guy, given that he paid $50,000 ages ago yet is still too dumb fucking stupid to price realistically ("I'm not going to just give it away!") and take the money and run, earns the Official RE in the LBC Eternal Shitbird Award:

I think it's especially appropriate given this photo:


732 N Washington Pl, CA 90813
Price: $344,000
Beds: 2
Baths: 1
Sq. Ft.: 1,064
$/Sq. Ft.: $323
Lot Size: 3,850 Sq. Ft.
Property Type: Single Family Residence
Year Built: 1905
MLS#: S514617
On Redfin: 630 days
Down Payment: $67,000
Income Requirement: $95,000
Monthly PITI: $2,100
Description: HUGE PRICE REDUCTION!!!Historical Craftsman w/loads of charm.Huge Formal LR,original features:hardwood floors,doors & hardware glass & brass doorknobs,kit with 'ice box' cabinetry,mosaic tile counter,coved ceilings,wrap around porch has been enclosed,orig sash windows,light fixtures,french doors.Oversized lot w/alley and street access.'Potters area off kit with washer and dryer hook-ups. Formal Dining room. 1 BR w/original built ins above closet, 2nd BR has double walk in closet. Bath has built in linen cabinet above tub. Tandem gar divided



Sweet mural. GONE!

Sweet kitchen. GONE!

No pics of the one bathroom, so you know what that means...GONE!

This realtor must have graduated from the Shaky McParkinson's School of Photography:

Really? 628 days to fix that shit and your potential buyers still get vertigo from viewing your listing? Clever.

The listing says "No Laundry in Unit" but that there are hook-ups in a "'Potters" area (a euphemism for "out-the-fuck-side"). That must be some kind of mistake.

Because there's no way someone is dumb fucking stupid enough to ask $344,000--nearly TEN TIMES the median income--in this awful neighborhood with no freaking laundry hook-ups in the house.

There's just no way.

Plus, the owners don't have a washer and dryer?! Just the hook-ups? Seriously, who the fuck lives here? The Swiss Family Slobinson?

But hey, at least it's got a "sleeping porch!" After viewing those interior photos, I think I'll take my chances sleeping outside.

This thing doesn't need fixing up, it needs a bulldozer.

This is a perfect candidate for Real Estate Intervention. The owner purchased this 104-year-old lean-to in 1981 for a paltry $50,000 ($47 per square foot, y'all!). In other words, with a 30-year fixed-rate mortgage, this dump should be paid off in a year and a half.

Considering the interest rate was 17.5% in '81, I'm sure this owner refinanced during the last 28 years. But the point is, there have only been three price reductions in nearly two years. Even with refinances they still must have a truckload of equity--why not just cut the price and walk away with stacks of bubble cash?

Nah, forget that. Just keep doing what you're doing. And by "doing what you're doing" I mean napping on your sleeping porch, washing your loincloth in the bird bath, and making drinking water from your pee.


  1. Wait a minute, are the photos three years old as well as the listing?! That's crazy, because the photos are awful. Is it the same realtor? Something is clearly wrong with the business sense of both the owner and the realtor.

    And I live in a bad neighborhood, but if you live in this guy's neighborhood, you should take whatever money you can get, give the new owner your bullet proof vest, and get the hell out of town.

  2. Now it's down to 269,000!

  3. With the last photo above commences the theme music to Sanford & Son. What a fucking junkyard!

    I really appreciate the unapologetic approach and criticism of these pie-in-the-sky sellers. It is very much needed for the delusional realtors and homedebtors of Orange County. This is not just entertainment. This is a valuable service you're providing.

    Let me close by just saying that for $269K this particular seller is a fucking nimrod.

  4. I couldn't agree more with the last Anon comment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    And LOL! at the Sanford and Son theme!! That's perfect. ROFL!

  5. I thought all would be happy to know that the seller got an e-mailed link to this page and is now rethinking things. While he hasn't lowered his price, he did take our suggestions and yes, he includes a set of kevlar bullet proof vests for you and the family with the purchase, even those children sized models so lil' Jimmy can play wiffle-ball in front of the house. Also, the buyer alerted me to the fact that this house has been used in a movie and at first I didn't believe it, but after renting "Boyz N' The Hood" I can confirm that this is true. In the movie, the character Skee-lo, a crackhead, lives in this house along with 20 other squatters. What's great is that you can really envision this being a real crackhouse, it's amazing.

    So in close, break out those checkbooks and buy a piece of history!!!!!