Monday, November 17, 2008

Dumbest. Seller. Ever.

I've been watching this property (with amazement) since the inception of this blog, but have never featured it before. The primary reason is that it's not polite to make fun of the mentally retarded.

You see, this apartment has spent 622 days on the market with absolutely no interest--yet during that time the price has only been reduced twice. And despite racking up more than 20 months on the MLS, those price reductions have totalled less than 4%. Yep, that sales strategy can only be explained by a seller with severe mental deficiencies.


Address: 1401 E 3rd St #15, 90802
Asking Price: $490,000
Size: 2 beds, 2 baths, 1220 sq. ft. (built in 1964)
$/Sq. Ft.: $402
HOA Fee: $262 (That seems awfully high considering the lack of amenities)
Purchase price: N/A
Purchase date: N/A
MLS#: K706733
On Redfin: 622 days
Down Payment: $98,000
Monthly Payment: $3,200
Income Requirement (3.5X income = realistic mortgage amount): $112,000
Description: THE DIPLOMAT, 2BEDROOM, 2BATH TOP FLOOR PREMIUM UNIT IN THE BUILDING WITH LARGE PRIVATE BALCONY. LONG BEACH AND PALOS VERDE VIEW. .HIGHLY UPGRATED WITH GRANITE COUNTERTOPS, STAINLESS APPLIANCES, CROWN MOLDING , CARRARA MARBLE TILED BATH, INSIDE WASHER AND DRYER, INTERCOM ACCESS, PARKING SPACE INSIDE GATED SUBTERRANEAN GARAGE. CLOSE TO BEACH , SMALL BUILDING, ONLY 16 UNITS, JUST A FEW 2 BEDROOMS

The listing agent, in addition to committing realtor malpractice for failing to convince their reality-impaired client to meaningfully cut their certifiably-WTF price, has had 622 days to write a comprehensible listing description and provide pictures of the "UPGRATED" interior.

Epic FAIL on both counts.

And after reading that poor excuse for a description, it appears as if the realtor is also mentally challenged (or at the very least illiterate).

Helluva team!



Asking $402 per square foot in this neighborhood, this close to the sketchy parts of downtown, with this few amenities, can only be explained by mental disability. Or a severe allergy to current events. Either way, just what the f**k are they thinking after 622 days on the market? "Any day now"??

To put into perspective just how ridiculous this asking price is, let's play a game of Would You Rather!

If you clocked more than $100,000 per year and wanted a sweet pad, would you buy this overpriced apartment with no interior photos, or would you rather save $40,000 and buy this nearby 1,100 square foot loft:



At least they bothered to provide photo evidence of the "UPGRATES." Plus, after 271 days on market they might be willing to deal on this modern, sleek loft.

Or, would you rather buy this nearby condo with upgraded bathrooms and floors (our mental midget at 1401 only has carpet) for $319,000:





If you bought this tidy little place, with a price unchanged since April and 393 total DOM, you'd have enough left over to buy a car commensurate with your six-figure income ($112,000 is four times the local median income, you big baller!) like a Beluga black Bentley Continental GT with a turbocharged 6.0L W12 under the hood:



Helpful hint: Definitely keep it garaged in this neighborhood.

Anyhow, by refusing to accept reality, all of these idiots (but especially the dolt asking $490,000) do nothing but clog up the MLS and prevent responsible, informed buyers from being able to enter the market and have their shot at The American Dream(tm).

Three adjacent properties; a combined 1286 days on market.

I can think of several words to describe that little statistic, but none better than


Greedtarded.

8 comments:

  1. I'm so glad you did a post on this building! I used to live down the street from it and watched in horror as this bruise-colored monster emerged.

    I love the 262/mo. Especially since the listing implies that you get ONE parking space for a 2 bedroom "condo". Have you ever tried to park in that neigborhood? But maybe I'm grossly underestimating the cost of maintaining blue-gray-black stucco and heavy duty plastic "drapes" for the balconies. My first thought when I saw that building was how dark they must be. Weird facade.

    Greedtarded indeed. I wonder if someone is currently living in it or if it was just forgotten about?

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  2. The "Diplomat" is probably the most depressing building I've ever seen. My wife and I was driving by when they had the "Grand Opening".
    The whole building resembles the flavor of funeral home, dark torture chambers and sites of the darkest horror movies. The hallways, just like the exterior, are painted black, the misterious light fixtures just made the image even more scary. They had one apartment to show at that time. Brrrrrrr... Black, more black, very little white. From the kitchen a nice, clean skull was missing only, and in the master bedroom a double, king size casket could add stylish finishing touches. We were on the street in less than three minutes to throw up. Sorry about the long post, but here is the story behind the story. This is a condo conversion. The whole building was purchased on the 10th of November in 2005 for $3,415,000. After a fairly short flip they quickly sold 14 units out of the total 16. They actually did very good by raking in $5,757,000. I don't think they have sleepless nights because of two unsold units. I just don't understand the mindset of the buyers. They must be high paid undertakers, or wealthy investors from Transylvania.

    L_Thek_Onomics

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  3. LBisOverpriced,

    Re: bruise-colored...plastic drapes...Hilarious! I think you're onto something--it's probably been forgotten. Just another casualty in the Great Housing Unfolding (that will go for pennies on the dollar mere months from now).

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  4. L_Thek_Onomics,

    Please, don't ever apologize for a comment EVER. I truly appreciate your on-the-ground perspective.

    That information would explain the infathomable reluctance to cut the price. The few units left are not hurting the clearly successful flippers. They can wait this whole asset destruction cycle out and still walk away with a respectable profit.

    You are a great contributor to this blog, so please keep it coming...

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  5. Since we're on the subject of overpriced condos...thought you might like an update of a property that has been mentioned before. If you recall, this property was the sight of multiple major tragedies....
    http://www.redfin.com/CA/Long-Beach/2999-E-Ocean-Blvd-90803/unit-430/home/7608996
    Well as sad as this place's history is, its future is looking just as grim...take a look at what I spotted on craigslist today:
    http://losangeles.craigslist.org/lgb/apa/925043879.html
    When you see what this joker paid for this place, then consider what he thinks he might be able to get in rent for it, and combine with that the 3/4 of a million asking price...it can only mean one thing....
    greedtastically greedtarded...
    oh and btw...check out the real estate agent's email address..."hotseller@msn.com" HAHAHAHAHAHA!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Okay, this may be wrong, but I love, love, love your blog. I'm waiting for the day I can snag my little piece of LBC beachside place. . . sigh, but meanwhile, I'm surely in love with you just from your writing. Purrrr.

    ReplyDelete
  7. KatyinLBC,

    Wow. Tragedy is right.

    Some are no doubt hoping they can rent out their properties and absorb the negative cashflow until "things return to normal." The problem is, there are A LOT of people doing that.

    The result is more rental supply, thus less demand.

    Plus, unemployment applies further downward pressure on rents. What a mess. Once the old mantra that "you can always refinance later" went toes up, people ran to the safety of "you can always rent it out." That mantra will be challenged in the coming months and years.

    Crazy times.

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  8. Anonymous,

    This week has been brutal and draining on many levels. But your comment just turned my entire week around.

    And if I reeled you in with my writing, just wait until you hear my Christopher Walken impersonation.

    ReplyDelete