An Unreasonable Man

Yes, this is the actual photo from this listing:

Address: 1735 TEMPLE Ave, 90804
Wishing Price: $489,000
Beds: 3
Baths: 1
Sq. Ft.: 1,342
$/Sq. Ft.: $364
Lot Size: 8,400 Sq. Ft.
Year Built: 1927
MLS#: P618531
On Redfin: 703 days (It's actually first appeared on the market in 2005!)
Down Payment (FHA): $17,115
Income Requirement (4x income): $122,250
Monthly Nut: $3,000
Listing Description: BEAUTIFUL HOME LOCATED AT FOOT OF SIGNAL HILLS. HOUSE HAS BREAKFAST NOOK, FORMAL DINING ROOM AND IS LOCATED ON AN EXTRA LARGE LOT. PERFECT HOME IN A PERFECT LOCATION. VERY MOTIVATED SELLER, PLEASE BRING ALL REASONABLE OFFERS. THANK YOU.

Hey, shithead, it's called "Signal Hill," not "SIGNAL HILLS." Welcome to Long Beach, dickhead. Spend some time...maybe you'll learn a little bit about the city. And spelling. And proper use of the CAPS key.

"PERFECT HOME IN A PERFECT LOCATION"? This is only true if you're a big fan of handgun fire and home invasion robberies.

And "MOTIVATED SELLER"? Uh, yeah, we can see that:

Feb 19, 2009 - Price Changed $489,000
Dec 01, 2008 - Price Changed $499,000
Nov 13, 2008 - Price Changed $529,000
Sep 29, 2008 - Price Changed $549,900
Jan 19, 2008 - Listed $569,000
Jan 01, 2008 - Delisted
Aug 31, 2007 - Price Changed
Jun 29, 2007 - Price Changed
Apr 26, 2007 - Price Changed
Jan 10, 2007 - Listed
Mar 28, 2006 - Delisted
Feb 03, 2006 - Listed
Jan 28, 2006 - Delisted
Oct 27, 2005 - Listed
Dec 21, 2004 - Delisted
Sep 17, 2004 - Listed
Jun 01, 2004 - Listed
Aug 20, 2003 - Sold (Public Records) $270,000

This 1987 Camry (oh, you're selling a house? Your only photo doesn't really make that clear) has been festering on the market for FIVE FUCKING YEARS and that's "MOTIVATED"?

A "motivated" seller would have sold by now. This is just a retarded seller.

Furthermore, the listing includes some seriously misleading information. No, not about square footage or the number of bathrooms, but this:

Status: Active This listing is for sale and the sellers are accepting offers.


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

It most assuredly is not for sale. And as far as "accepting offers," in the listing description we're treated to the wayworn, passive aggressive language of clinically delusional:

"PLEASE BRING ALL REASONABLE OFFERS."
Ah, I see. Translation: We're only accepting offers that provide us with our much-deserved bubble riches. Our enrichment, not the realities of the market, is what's important here and unless you're willing to coddle our ridiculous, petulant demands, don't even bother. We're above it and you're a sociopathic vulture if you dare try to convince us that the housing bubble panty party is over (which it's not, you dick), your offer will be arrogantly, and flippantly, denied.

I have a personal, deep-from-the-bottom-fo-my-heart message to this dude:

FUCK YOU, DIE BY DROWNING.

Just take this dump off the market and go back to your life. Why insist on wasting everyone's time? Are you slow? The price, the fact that you couldn't even manage to post one decent picture, your "reasonable" offer shot across the bow to your potential buyers, and the ONE FUCKING PRICE REDUCTION IN ALL OF 2009 make it abundantly clear that you have absolutely no interest in actually selling.

You're only interested in unjustifiably enriching yourself.

Considering you paid $270,000 in 2004, you have years of appreciation/equity wiggle room--so why swing for the fences with an asking price nudging up against a half-a-million bucks?

It certainly can't be the comps. Because the most expensive property to sell in this questionable 'hood during the last six months was for $375,000 and that house has an extra 100 square feet, a bonus bedroom, minor upgrades, and two more bathrooms.

You, on the other hand, don't have any of those things yet are demanding $364 per square foot. FYI, the going ppsft in this area is about $265.

You should be ashamed of yourself.

But, if you had any sense of shame I guess you would have sold long ago.