Inventory Update

That's down 3% just between September and October! Wow.

And the result?

A greed-driven divergence between List vs. Sold price per square foot.

That's what happens when all but the dumbest, most delusional sellers take their ball and go home and wait for the market to "return to normal." Current sellers know there's no quality inventory out there and it makes them cocky and emboldened.

As we enter the winter months we'll see if that approach pays off.

Bottoms Up

2331 East 10TH St #304, 90804
Asking Price: $129,900
Beds: 2
Baths: 2
Sq. Ft.: 750
$/Sq. Ft.: $173
Year Built: 1988
MLS#: P712939
On Redfin: 100 days
HOA: $241
Down Payment: $26,000/$5,200 FHA
Income Requirement: $37,000
Monthly Nut: $900/$1,000 FHA
Description: * * * ROSE PARK CONDO * * * This 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom condo features include: Tiled entry; living room with carpet, gas fireplace, wall gas heater, & French doors open out to balcony with water heater closet; laundry room off of living room; kitchen with tile floors, stainless steel sink, disposal, Frigidaire appliances, range, microwave/venthood combo, dishwasher, granite countertop, breakfast bar area; master off of living room with mirrored wardrobe & private full bath with granite countertops. 1 Parking space.

Sure, it's tiny. Sure, you only get one parking spot. Sure, the HOA is a little high for the area and amenities.

However, it is nicely upgraded, comes with most appliances, and has in-unit laundry.

For those of you searching for low-income housing in less desirable neighborhoods, you're certifiably nuts if you're not out there making offers right now. I know, I know, I sound just like those mongoloid housing cheerleaders who call the bottom every other week, but there is no doubt in my mind the bottom is here on the low-end.

And say I'm wrong and it drops a teeny bit further (if it falls a lot further that means the entire system collapsed and we'll be living like Viggo Mortensen in The Road by the end of the month), who gives a crap? You locked in a crazy low interest rate for 30 years and your monthly payment for a clean, tidy two-bedroom apartment is less than what you would pay in rent--and that's before factoring in the (small) tax benefit.

You're running out of excuses, champ.

The most amazing thing about this property is not its affordability, but how much value it's lost. I don't exactly how much it sold for during the bubble, but the tax basis is $337,089 and it appears the bank took it back for $347,690 ($463 per square foot!).

And they're trying to unload it for just $130,000?

Um, wow.

It's pretty amazing just how quickly and dramatically this zip code fell off a cliff. In January 2008, the price per square foot in 90804 was $388. Today?

Try $201.

And just imagine what it must have been during the peak!

The scariest part is that despite the bargain basement price, this thing still hasn't sold. Given the incredibly low barrier for ownership (low FHA down payments, income requirement in line with local median income, payment lower than rents), that's a frightening prospect.

It probably doesn't make investment sense yet (otherwise you wouldn't even be reading about this place--an investor would have snapped it up already), but if you're looking for clean, updated, cheap digs and a tax break, and aren't picky about neighborhoods, you have until April 30th to get your ass in gear.

Shingled Shithole

ADDRESS: 1495 MOLINO Ave, 90804
WISHING PRICE: $549,000
BEDS: 4
BATHS: 1.75
SQ. FT.: 2,134
$/SQ. FT.: $257
LOT SIZE: 4,400 Sq. Ft.
PROPERTY TYPE: Residential, Single Family
STYLE: Two Level, Barn Type, Brown Shingle, Ranch, Rustic
YEAR BUILT: 1922
COMMUNITY: Eastside/Circle Area
COUNTY: Los Angeles
MLS#: Y1001035
ON REDFIN: 18 days
DOWN PAYMENT: $110,000 ($22,000 FHA)
INCOME REQUIREMENT: $157,000
MONTHLY NUT: $2,900 ($3,400 FHA)
DESCRIPTION:Standard Sale . . This Spacious Beach Home wraps The Corner of Molino at 15th Street . . Beautiful TwoStory 4 Bedroom 2 Bath Cottage 2,134 SqFt Spacious Home wraps a 4444 SqFt Corner Lot . . Vaulted Ceilings Draw your Spirit and Eyes Up Up! Up to the SkyLights and Ornate Portal Accents . . Casting Light and Shadows that Inspire Your Imagination! It will remind you of that Perfect Vacation . . While making you feel Completely at Home! * Only 2 Miles to the Pounding Surf * Architecturally Enchanting Conversation Pieces . . SkyLight Bathed Natural Wood Walls & Massive BookCase . . Winding StairCase with Two Landings to 3 of 4 Bedrooms . . Enjoy Coffee and Sunlight out the Double French Doors Onto The Master Bedroom Balcony! Frollic in The SunShine and Fresh Air * * Kitchen SkyLights Usher in Cheerful Days * * . . The Perfect Home to Raise Many Children and House Plants too! . .. .. .. .. .. .. Please Call Kennedy Real Estate of Downey (562) 244-8446 for Open Houses Scheduled with Private Showings Invited

That description an unholy mess.

“Frollic in The SunShine”?

“Vaulted Ceilings Draw your Spirit and Eyes Up Up! Up”?

“SkyLights” mentioned three times?

Good lord. WTF is up with this English-as-a-seventh-language realtor and her bizarrely written description?

The best part is that in one breath the agent refers to this shingled shithole as a “Beach Home,” and in the next admits it’s two miles from the ocean. Are you reta[CENSORED BY THE PALIN WORD POLICE]ded?

Newsflash, Magellan: Something this far from the water can’t be referred to as a "Beach Home." Do Leisure World residents call their apartments "Beach Homes"? No, they don't. Do you know why they don't?

BECAUSE A HOUSE TWO MILES FROM THE BEACH ISN'T A FUCKING BEACH HOUSE.

I guess this realtor, apparently from Downey, expects to find a buyer just as clueless about Long Beach as she is.

Look, lady, clearly you’re out of your area of “expertise.” And as a profession, you’re clearly out of your league. I’ve seen some illiterate, confounding realtors and their descriptions, but this is up there among the most embarrassing. Please get out of this line of work. Just go back to bartending and leave this to the professionals.

And if you thought the description was ugly as prom night in West Virginia, wait until you see the photos.

Let’s start with the lead shot:

What was the first thing that came to mind?

Yep. Me too.

The judges would have also accepted:
and

And this "Perfect Home to Raise Many Children" doesn't even have a backyard. Just a one-car garage with Barrio Bars, a concrete “play area," and a mangy, flea-bitten dog peeing on the kids’ toys.

This is so incredibly depressing. The worst part? There is no air conditioning. Could you imagine the heat generated by the tall-ass ceilings and dark, sun-absorbing shingled exterior during the summer? It vaporizes my electrolytes just thinking about it.

Even scarier than the prospect of living here during a sweltering heatwave are the interior shots:


Half a million clams for this festering pile? You must be joking.

And did you notice the one crucial photo that was missing? Yep, no shot of the kitchen. And that was no accident. It must be truly hideous.

However, in the interest of finding one positive thing about this dump I present: Built-in bookshelves!

And it looks like the Winter Olympics are on TV. Curling, to be specific. A wise woman once said, "Anything you can do five-months pregnant isn’t a sport, it’s a hobby."

Just so we’re clear, this greedfaced seller paid $386,500 in 2004 for this butt-faced barn and now, after one of the most face-shattering housing collapses in recorded history, feels entitled to $130,000 in bubble profits.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

How’s the weather on Planet Quaalude?

Armed with the knowledge that most Long Beach properties of reasonable quality are currently selling for 2003/2004 prices, just why does this dumbass believe his property is special?

Personally, I think he’d be lucky to get $325,000 in this market. Just think of all the work required to make this Dilapidated Daddy Daycare respectable: a new exterior, about 40 gallons of interior paint, new crown molding, new bathrooms, new carpet and flooring, total removal of all interior wood paneling and obviously a new kitchen.

Why would prospective buyers waste their time with this revolting fixer-upper when they could just go up the street to Signal Hill and get new construction for the same money? Ugh, whatever.

The good news for the new buyer is, you can fix ugly.

The bad news for the seller is, you can’t fix stupid.