Inventory Update

That's down 3% just between September and October! Wow.

And the result?

A greed-driven divergence between List vs. Sold price per square foot.

That's what happens when all but the dumbest, most delusional sellers take their ball and go home and wait for the market to "return to normal." Current sellers know there's no quality inventory out there and it makes them cocky and emboldened.

As we enter the winter months we'll see if that approach pays off.

The Millenium FAILcon: FINAL UPDATE

I SEVERELY underestimated the enthusiasm of Long Beach knifecatchers.

Sold on 10/23/2009 - $885,000 ($4,900 below an asking price that had been in place for five months)

Seller, I owe you an apology. After reducing the price a few hundred thousand dollars, you decided to stick to your guns. Apparently you were spot on with that final asking price, and your patience and bullheaded determination that a greater fool would come along paid off. Well done.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


Yo, is that rooftop dish from the Millennium Falcon?


1041 E Amelia Dr
Long Beach, CA 90807
Price: $899,900
Beds: 4
Baths: 3.5
Sq. Ft.: 3,019
$/Sq. Ft.: $298
Lot Size: 10,880 Sq. Ft.
Year Built: 1951
MLS#: P681979
On Redfin: 384 days
Down Payment: $180,000
Income Requirement: $257,000
Monthly Nut: $5,400
Description: Price reduced another $100,000! Extensively remodeled in 2000, the 4bd, 3.5bath, pool home is an entertainer's dream. Large formal living room with bay window. Formal dining room. Large gourmet kitchen with granite counters, stainless steel appliances, cherrywood cabinets, walk-in pantry with travertine marble floors. Large Great Room with fireplace overlooking salt water pool and spa with pebblecoating and 3 relaxing waterfalls. Master suite as two large walk-in closets and French doors that open to pool area. Master bath has seperate soaking tub and shower with marble double sink vanity. 2 large gallery hallways to exhibit art collection. Home and backyard wired for sound system. Backyard landscaped in Southwest style with drought tolerant plants. Private meditation area with soothing fountain. 4th bedroom is currently used as workout room. 3 car attached garage with seperate work room. Copper plumbing and updated electrical. This home is light,bright, yet very private.

"seperate"? Twice?

The growing trend of realtors misspelling that word is getting out of hand. Oh well, it's only been on the market for 384 days--cut the guy some slack.

And have you noticed that the longer and more flowery the listing description, the more likely the seller is to be languishing on the market?

I mean, this guy seems exceedingly impressed with his house. If you're so goddamn enthralled with the thing, then why are you selling it? Seems to me this "entertainer's dream" (or at least your idea of one) is something you'd want to keep.

I think this place is pretty nice, if a bit overdone.

And in some instances, quite average for a million dollar house.

And speaking of a million bucks, guess what you don't get for that kind of loot?

"Listing Price Excludes: Cat and mouse sculpture in backyard, washer and dryer"

Damn it, if I'm throwing down nearly seven figures I want that fucking cat and mouse sculpture! How dare you.

Photos of the garage always give me a chuckle. It's like including a shot of the toilet or laundry hookups--dude, we believe you! We don't need picture proof.


But the garage shot makes way more sense than a photo of your groceries:

WTF?

However, regardless of what faults we can find with this spot, you have to admit the pool is flat out AMAZING:

Yes, please.

But is it enough to justify asking $900,000--Oh, sorry...$899,900?

Well, the market has spoken. And the answer thus far has been a resounding, "HELL TO THE NO."

Seems to me this seller, rotting on the market for over a year, needs to visit his "private meditation area" and meditate on maybe, possibly, dropping the price another $100,000. And then another. And another until it sells.

This place was purchased for $290,000 in 1994, and there is no way in holy hell that $550,000 has been put into renovating it. And when you factor in the 15 years of equity, this seller should be in a position to cash in on some substantial bubble profits. So why the heck hasn't he dropped the price to compete with nearby listings and driven off into the sunset with his truckbed full of cash?

Say it with me:

D-E-L-U-S-I-O-N.

This guy seems to be too impressed with his own taste and preferences, and wholly unable to step back and think objectively about how much pure, unadulterated bubble equity he is losing every week he rots on the market. This is also known as getting high on your own supply.

Believe me, kitty, I know how you feel.

At this price you, that weird sculpture on the counter, and potetial buyers will be forced to look at the awkward way the crown molding meets the cabinet for YEARS. Poor things.

However, readers of the Long Beach Housing Blog (and those perusing the MLS, for that matter), can just write this seller off as yet another delusual Long Beach greedhead, and never have to think about this place again.

The Millennium FAILcon

Yo, is that rooftop dish from the Millennium Falcon?


1041 E Amelia Dr
Long Beach, CA 90807
Price: $899,900
Beds: 4
Baths: 3.5
Sq. Ft.: 3,019
$/Sq. Ft.: $298
Lot Size: 10,880 Sq. Ft.
Year Built: 1951
MLS#: P681979
On Redfin: 384 days
Down Payment: $180,000
Income Requirement: $257,000
Monthly Nut: $5,400
Description: Price reduced another $100,000! Extensively remodeled in 2000, the 4bd, 3.5bath, pool home is an entertainer's dream. Large formal living room with bay window. Formal dining room. Large gourmet kitchen with granite counters, stainless steel appliances, cherrywood cabinets, walk-in pantry with travertine marble floors. Large Great Room with fireplace overlooking salt water pool and spa with pebblecoating and 3 relaxing waterfalls. Master suite as two large walk-in closets and French doors that open to pool area. Master bath has seperate soaking tub and shower with marble double sink vanity. 2 large gallery hallways to exhibit art collection. Home and backyard wired for sound system. Backyard landscaped in Southwest style with drought tolerant plants. Private meditation area with soothing fountain. 4th bedroom is currently used as workout room. 3 car attached garage with seperate work room. Copper plumbing and updated electrical. This home is light,bright, yet very private.

"seperate"? Twice?

The growing trend of realtors misspelling that word is getting out of hand. Oh well, it's only been on the market for 384 days--cut the guy some slack.

And have you noticed that the longer and more flowery the listing description, the more likely the seller is to be languishing on the market?

I mean, this guy seems exceedingly impressed with his house. If you're so goddamn enthralled with the thing, then why are you selling it? Seems to me this "entertainer's dream" (or at least your idea of one) is something you'd want to keep.

I think this place is pretty nice, if a bit overdone.

And in some instances, quite average for a million dollar house.

And speaking of a million bucks, guess what you don't get for that kind of loot?

"Listing Price Excludes: Cat and mouse sculpture in backyard, washer and dryer"

Damn it, if I'm throwing down nearly seven figures I want that fucking cat and mouse sculpture! How dare you.

Photos of the garage always give me a chuckle. It's like including a shot of the toilet or laundry hookups--dude, we believe you! We don't need picture proof.


But the garage shot makes way more sense than a photo of your groceries:

WTF?

However, regardless of what faults we can find with this spot, you have to admit the pool is flat out AMAZING:

Yes, please.

But is it enough to justify asking $900,000--Oh, sorry...$899,900?

Well, the market has spoken. And the answer thus far has been a resounding, "HELL TO THE NO."

Seems to me this seller, rotting on the market for over a year, needs to visit his "private meditation area" and meditate on maybe, possibly, dropping the price another $100,000. And then another. And another until it sells.

This place was purchased for $290,000 in 1994, and there is no way in holy hell that $550,000 has been put into renovating it. And when you factor in the 15 years of equity, this seller should be in a position to cash in on some substantial bubble profits. So why the heck hasn't he dropped the price to compete with nearby listings and driven off into the sunset with his truckbed full of cash?

Say it with me:

D-E-L-U-S-I-O-N.

This guy seems to be too impressed with his own taste and preferences, and wholly unable to step back and think objectively about how much pure, unadulterated bubble equity he is losing every week he rots on the market. This is also known as getting high on your own supply.

Believe me, kitty, I know how you feel.

At this price you, that weird sculpture on the counter, and potetial buyers will be forced to look at the awkward way the crown molding meets the cabinet for YEARS. Poor things.

However, readers of the Long Beach Housing Blog (and those perusing the MLS, for that matter), can just write this seller off as yet another delusual Long Beach greedhead, and never have to think about this place again.

The Bell Tolls in Bixby Knolls

1024 E Freeland St, 90807
Price: $550,000
Beds: 3
Baths: 4
Sq. Ft.: 3,169
$/Sq. Ft.: $174
Lot Size: 8,250 Sq. Ft.
Year Built: 1955
Community: Bixby, Bixby Knolls, Los Cerritos, California Heights, Memorial Heights (Wow. That's a lot of communities!)
MLS#: R805792
On Redfin: 455 days
Down Payment: $110,000
Income Requirement: $157,000
Monthly Nut: $3,000
Description: PROPERTY IS IN A HIGH-END LOCATION OF LONG BEACH. VERY CLEAN AND QUITE NEIGHBORHOOD. MASTER BEDROOM HAS A WALK-IN CLOSET WITH A JACUZZI TUB. A MUST SEE TO APPRECIATE. 24 HOUR NOTICE TO SHOW PROPERTY IS REQUIRED. PLEASE RING DOORBELL BEFORE ENTERING.

"QUITE" neighborhood?

"MUST SEE TO APPRECIATE." Translation: It's a real shit hole.

And with a conspicuous lack of interior photos and no upgrades mentioned in that impressive listing description, it's a sure bet that it's pretty awful in there.

In March 1996 (the most recent housing bottom), our featured seller purchased this house for $160,000. Somehow, someway, 13 years later, the $550,000 asking price will result in a short sale.

Um. Congratulations?

To no surprise, anyone dumb fucking stupid enough to rack up that much cash-out refi and HELOC debt against a house that should be half paid-off by now is also greedy enough to start with a patently absurd asking price of $699,900.

For this thing? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Mind you, that ridiculous asking price was originally posted 455 days ago.

455 DAYS!

Just look at that photo and ask yourself: Even assuming it was decent inside, if you and your family pulled in the $157,000 household income required to realistically afford this house, is this the place you imagined buying?

And if you were misguided enough to believe $550k was a good deal (you'd be the only one, given the year and change with no sale), just what would you get for that princely sum?

Well, um, the realtard didn't give us much to work with.

But judging by the one solitary photo, you'd get a clean, albeit wholly original, cottage-style house in North Long Beach.

And, because it's in North Long Beach...

"Security Description: Window Bars"

For half-a-million plus? Yikes.

Anybody wondering what you don't get for $550,000?

"Listing Price Excludes: MICROWAVE AND REFRIGERATOR"

Unbelievable.

Oddly, from a price per square foot standpoint ($174 per) this seems like a decent deal. By comparison, most houses selling nearby are going for around $218. So why no sale? Other than the asking price, I can only guess it's because the interior is much worse than I'm imagining.

But man, if you thought this guy was in deep shit, you ain't seen nothin' yet.


1012 E Marcellus St, 90807
Price: $460,000
Beds: 5
Baths: 2.75
Sq. Ft.: 2,554
$/Sq. Ft.: $180
Lot Size: 9,010 Sq. Ft.
Year Built: 1953
MLS#: N08043065
Status: Backup Offer
On Redfin: 533 days
Down Payment: $92,000
Income Requirement: $131,000
Monthly Nut: $2,400
Description: This large 5 bedroom pool home is situated in the prestigious Bixby Knolls area of Long Beach. It features hardwood floors, a large pool, and terrific floor plan for entertaining or large families. The home is built in such a way as it wraps around the spacious patio and pool, and opens up to the pool area from three different sides, including from the kitchen which allows for superior entertaining possibilities. The home is ready for your personal touches to make it truly yours. This home previously sold in 2007 for one million dollars, so take advantage now and save money on this large home in this great neighborhood while the opportunity still exists-- you'll be happy you did!

Wow, the realtor is just rubbing the short seller's nose in it: "This home previously sold in 2007 for one million dollars." Take it easy, buddy. No need to advertise to the world what an unbridled idiot the soon-to-be former owner is--he's been through enough.

You have to admit a 55% discount from the peak price is a pretty impressive property value meltdown.

And how does that bode for our featured short seller on Freeland? Well, this place has about 600 less square feet, but it features a pool and, well, pictures.

Wait, is this the same pool?

Yikes.

Sure, the kitchen is a disaster, but assuming the bank approved this price (it's in Backup Offers which is meaningless, I know, but bear with me), a buyer would have an extra $90,000 to build a new kitchen and add onto the house (it sits on a larger lot).

Which would you prefer?

I think Bixby Knolls might be the Long Beach neighborhood to watch. And by "watch" I mean grab a bucket of popcorn and a tasty beverage, and enjoy the equity-melting, comp-killing show.

How Did that "1" Get in There?

**UPDATE: The always-observant KatyinLBC noted:

Hey el bee...did you notice this statement under the listing?

"The seller of this home has requested that home value estimates not be shown. Per MLS rules, Redfin and other public MLS-powered sites may not display any automated valuation for this home."

Hahahahahaha! Gee...I wonder why the seller doesn't want the value estimates to be shown!??!!

Classic.

***************************************

Reader LB1 sent in today's stunning example of greed, ignorance and drool-tinged wishful thinking. LB1 says:

Great Blog, hopefully you'll save a few sellers from their own delusions.

Speaking of delusions, you've gotta check out this ridiculous listing from the bixby knolls area:

http://www.redfin.com/CA/Long-Beach/3962-Cedar-Ave-90807/home/7525777

Is that price a typo??


3962 Cedar, 90807
Price: $1,700,000
Beds: 3
Baths: 2
Sq. Ft.: 2,233
$/Sq. Ft.: $761
Lot Size: 7,150 Sq. Ft.
Year Built: 1953
MLS#: P696067
On Redfin: 41 days
Down Payment: $340,000
Income Requirement: $486,000
Monthly Nut: $10,200 (that's right--for this place)
Description: Very nice home in a very nice area of Long Beach. Double pane windows with plantation shutters, new crown molding and baseboard, hardwood floors in all rooms, gas & wood fireplace with marble & wood mantle, ceiling fans, mirrored closet doors,security system, central heat & air, kitchen has 4 skylites and builtins, tile flooring, pantry and sliding drawers in cupboards, laundry room with laundry port from master BR and tile floor, 2 master bedrroms with double sinks, master bath has a jacuzzi with a view of the pool, waterfall fixtures and seperate shower with tile flooring, serving bar from the kitchen to a sunken den, with a view of a beatutiful patio and a sparkling pool, the pool has a shower, half bath and a changing room, fios ready, timed sprinkler system, fruit trees,maid and gardners side entrance, walking distance to the train and close to the Long Beach Airport.

"skylites"?

"builtins"?

"bedrroms"?

"seperate"?

"gardners"?

"beatutiful"?

Seriously, pal. This is an intervention. It's time to repeat the 4th grade.

The overwhelming number of typos is straight up pathetic. For a $1.7 million dollar house? You're demanding a six-fucking-figure commission for that?

Jesus.

As if asking nearly $2 million clams wasn't insulting enough, Carl pointed this out this typo-riddled gem buried in the listing information:

Listing Price Excludes: washe, dryer, refrig, garage lighting, antena

Wow, $1.7 million AND I have to go out and buy all new appliances? And freaking garage lighting?!

You can keep your "antena" Bro Satriani, because for $1,700,000 buyers expect motherfuckin' HD all up in that bitch.


Anyhow, even an appraiser with his coat pockets stuffed with wink-wink money would conclude this house isn't worth anything close to $1,700,000.

Even if you took the "1" off the front of that absurd asking price, it still wouldn't be a good deal. You see, if this joint was priced at $700,000, the resulting price per square foot price of $315 would still be ~$25 higher than the going ppsft. of recent sales.

How's that for some perspective?

Take a look at the nearby sold comps and tell me this seller is of sound mind:

$663,000 3935 Cedar Ave Sold on Jul 14, 2009
0.04 miles 4 bd / 3 ba 2,060 Sq. Ft.

$575,000 3918 Cedar Ave Sold on Aug 04, 2009
0.05 miles 3 bd / 3 ba 2,264 Sq. Ft.

$850,000 4212 Pacific Ave Sold on Jun 05, 2009
0.16 miles 4 bd / 3 ba 2,683 Sq. Ft.

$610,000 3825 Chestnut Ave Sold on Aug 07, 2009
0.19 miles 2 bd / 2 ba 1,988 Sq. Ft.

$146,363 4015 Locust Ave Sold on Apr 16, 2009
0.21 miles 2 bd / 3 ba 1,945 Sq. Ft.

$610,000 3820 Country Club Dr Sold on May 29, 2009
0.21 miles 4 bd / 2 ba 2,131 Sq. Ft.

$427,000 3834 Pine Ave Sold on Jul 20, 2009
0.23 miles 3 bd / 3 ba 2,304 Sq. Ft.

$735,000 4225 Locust Ave Sold on Jul 09, 2009
0.26 miles 3 bd / 3 ba 2,194 Sq. Ft.

$850,000 8 La Linda Dr Sold on Aug 14, 2009
0.4 miles 4 bd / 2 ba 2,327 Sq. Ft.

$640,000 4029 Elm Ave Sold on Mar 16, 2009
0.46 miles 4 bd / 3 ba 2,643 Sq. Ft.

What the fuck?

Where on earth did this numbskull get the idea that his incredibly average, woefully outdated house was worth $1,700,000. Was he looking at comps from 2006?

The current asking price per square of $761 [INSERT SPIT TAKE] is abysmally greedtarded, sure, but more than that it's depressing.

It's just really really sad.

This poor, lonely fool, with no friends or family to give him the truth and a realtor flaunting his lack of fiduciary duty by agreeing to this offensive asking price. Tsk tsk.

Considering this place hasn't been updated in ages, how could they possibly justify TRIPLING their initial investment in just six years? It's obvious this seller didn't put a dime into fixing it up and as Carl pointed out, "...this house hadn't had any permitted work since 1997."

I didn't realize crack cocaine was so popular in Bixby Knolls.

But maybe we're jumping to conclusions. Given the mangled, error-filled listing description, I'm hoping it's a simple typo and the price will be lowered to $700,000 very soon.

Because even though Long Beach is full of money-hungry delusionals, nobody could be this out of touch, could they?

Bulletproof Vest Not Included

Address: 1780 W 25th St., 90810
Asking Price: $339,000
Year Built: 1977
Size: 7 beds, 3 baths, 2,224 sq. ft.
$/Sq. Ft.: $152
Purchase price: $315,000
Purchase date: 4/2009
MLS#: R903780
On Redfin: 16 days
Down Payment: $68,000
Monthly Payment: $2,000
Income Requirement: $97,000
Description: Nice Home in Nice Long Beach Area This Home Features 7 bedrooms , 3 bath ,2 car garage. Perfect for Large family At this price it willnot Last

In high school, the Carl's Jr. in the Rossmoor Center was the hangout spot. We would hang out after school, take advantage of the free refills, and talk about the trials and tribulations of our teen years.

Anyhow, there was a guy who worked there named Robert. He was mentally disabled but the management was really generous and gave him a job. His disability was such that he was limited to what duties he could perform but the one thing he ACED was delivering food and collecting those little A-frames with the order numbers on them (the kids with classic cars would always swipe the "67" or "68" depending on the year of their car). And he would always say, in his unique voice:

"WOULD YOU LIKE KETCHUP WITH YOUR MEAL?"

Patrons answering in the affirmative would receive piles upon piles of (body temperature--HORF!) ketchup packets from his cornucopia of an apron until politely mentioning they were just fine with 34 packets.

The point of this story? I just wanted to congratulate ol' Robert on finding a new career as a realtor! Nice work, buddy! That listing description is AWESOME! Way to go! Gold star for you!

You know how I know this neighborhood sucks? Robert refused to get out of his car to take listing photos:

And Robert has reason to fear for his life. Last month a police officer was shot just a few blocks from here.

And speaking of grade-A listing photos, check out this little before-and-after action. Now you see the used car (and shopping cart) dealership:


Now you don't!

That's some David Blaine shit, right there!

The previous owner, who purchased in June 2004, plunked down a pants-wetting $535,000. In this 'hood? Yikes.

To their credit, the "owners" of this seven-bedroom gem made it almost five years before the enormous debt service swallowed them whole. Judging by the number of cars in the driveway, they were probably renting out several rooms and moving in extended family members to make ends meet. That, or they were operating a valet company out of there:

Anyhow, purchasing a house at TEN TIMES the median income is unsustainable, and with a mortgage like that you're only one pay cut or a leaky roof away from balance sheet detonation.

Ka-boom.

The owners eventually moonwalked away (probably after living there rent-free for a while) and the house went back to the bank for $315,000 in April. Six days later the lender listed it for $339,000--just enough to break even after commissions--and it's been sitting there collecting dust ever since.

By the way, at its current asking price, this boarding house is 38% off the 2004 price! Yowza!

And considering Robert is too afraid to get out of the car and can't be bothered to move a shopping cart (sorry, that's just GHETTO) out of the way...what do you suppose Robert thinks the odds are of this place selling for $339,000?

About as good as Michael Jackson performing at his London concerts (too soon?).

Long Beach Foreclosure Numbers

From RealtyTrac.com, here are some recent Long Beach foreclosure numbers (starting with the most distressed):

90802: 569

90813: 525

90810: 472

90806: 439

90804: 373

90815: 180

90803: 132

90814: 95

As you can see, downtown is getting absolutely inundated with foreclosures. Not surprisingly, downtown and the shadier areas of LB are experiencing a much larger influx of bank-owned properties and the resultant downward pressure on prices.

Better neighborhoods (Naples, Belmont Shore, Belmont Heights) are faring MUCH better on the foreclosure front, which explains the stickiness of prices there.

And yes, there will be added pressure in 90803 and 90814 during the next few years as "Classy-People Loans" implode. However, don't get your hopes up for $150 per square foot in The Shore. The Alt-A/Option ARM disaster will take YEARS to play out and we've already seen how skilled banks are at delaying REOs from hitting the market and how the .gov encourages banks to mark these troubled loans to fantasyland valuations.

Plus, unlike the crappy zips where any sub-prime knucklehead suddenly became eligible for home purchase, the good 'hoods have more established owners with equity. These people (although there are probably not many who resisted hitting the housing ATM) are MUCH less likely to bail simply because they're underwater--they actually have something to lose.

Not so for those who squeezed into Belmont Shore, Belmont Heights, and Naples during the Pick-a-Payment, no-money-down, live-way-beyond-your-means bubble years. I have no idea how many of those "owners" there are in the nicer areas, but you can bet your bottom (tax) dollar they'll moonwalk away from their obligations the second they realize the mid- to upper-tier housing market isn't coming back anytime soon.

The Summer of '89

Address: 232 E Louise St, 90805
Asking Price: $129,900
Year Built: 1979
Size: 2 beds, 1 baths, 874 sq. ft.
$/Sq. Ft.: $149
Purchase price: $324,307
Purchase date: 8/2007
MLS#: S08153774
On Redfin: 147 days
Down Payment: $26,000
Monthly Payment: $800
Income Requirement: $37,000
Description: Built in 1979 this is a newer 2 Bedroom 1 Bath Home. in near move in condition. in good condition, shows well, Clean the carpets, maybe a little paint and it will look great, It has a 2 car detached garage, cute back yard with rose bushes and at $129,900 is price at less than 35% off its sell price in 2006. A screaming deal as a rental or starter home. Corporate owned and sold AS-IS.

"Newer," eh? I guess that depends on what you're comparing it to, but okay.

"Clean the carpets, maybe a little paint and it will look great"?

HEY DUMMY, THAT'S YOUR JOB!

I thought you were actually trying to sell this pile of crap! If it only needs minor work like carpet and paint to make it "look great" then what the fuck are you waiting for? Isn't your role as a realtor to ensure your clients' houses are clean, presentable, and attractive to buyers?



Readers, do yourself a favor and click the Redfin link and peep the Aerial View of the property. What is this thing? A Union Pacific railcar?

And while you're at it, you should zoom out on the overhead map to get an idea of just where this house is located. Are you sure that's still Long Beach?! Yikes!

And here's another interesting claim in the description: "at $129,900 is price at less than 35% off its sell price in 2006." From what I was able to decipher from that quasi-literate sentence, the agent claims $129,900 is "35% off" the 2006 price of $380,000 (that's $435 per square, by the way!). Uh, noooooo...35% off of $380,000 would be $246,700.

This idiot has no idea what he's talking about. A realtor who can't do math? That's weird.



Ohhhhh...I see. The listing agent added an extra "f" to "35% off." $129,900 is roughly 35% OF the 2006 sales price.

If this listing agent were smart, he'd boast that this shack is actually 65% OFF the 2006 price. It's a much stronger number from a marketing perspective. But remember, I said "if this realtor were smart."

65% is a huge number. This is an insane, catastrophic loss in just 23 months. I don't think I've ever featured a bigger collapse in "value" in the history of this blog. Some people are wondering at what price-year values will finally stop declining...2002? 2001? 2000?

Well try this on for size: This saltine box is a 1989 ROLLBACK.



The August 2007 sales price of $324,307 is also notable because that is when this wretched hovel went back to the bank. It was promptly dumped on the market 10 days later and has been rotting away on the MLS ever since (it says "corporate owned" but I think they mean "bank owned." Oh, who the hell cares. Whomever owns this thing is neck-deep in turtle shit).

So assuming this dump sold today for the asking price of $129,900, the bank would face a staggering loss of $194,407. Not to mention a year-and-a-half of carrying costs. Ouch.

OMG on MLK: UPDATE

Back from Vegas with a quick update on a property I featured back in April.

To jog your memory, the property was facing a quarter million in equity evaporation if it sold for the then-current asking price of $375,000.





Well, I'm happy to report that after a year languishing on the market...it sold!

Well, sort of.

The house went off the market in September, and in October a sale was posted for $340,000. Without the actual property records, I'm guessing that's the bank taking it back.

Taking it back for $163 per square foot, by the way. OUCHIES.

It hasn't popped back onto the market yet, so who knows how much they'll ask. In this neighborhood, that per square foot price sounds reasonable. But then again, the bank just lost -$280,000 and I imagine they want to recoup at least some of that money.

Work has been crazy--yes, even during Christmas break--so hang tight for resumption of regular updates.

I hope everyone has a safe, exciting New Year's Eve. I, on the other hand, am two weeks into a beard-growing contest, thereby killing any chance of a New Year's make out party. No, seriously, I'm even grossing myself out.

2009 is going to be a big year economically, politically, personally, and in just about every other way. Who knows, maybe some of you will step up to the plate and buy your little slice of the American Dream(tm)!

OMG on MLK

"You know what's wild? Martin Luther King stood for nonviolence. Now what's Martin Luther King? A street. And I don't give a f**k where you live in America, if you on Martin Luther King Boulevard, there's some violence going down!" --Chris Rock, Stand Up

Address: 935 E Martin Luther King Jr, 90813
Asking Price: $375,000 (reduced from a cool $400,000)
Year Built: 2005
Size: 4 beds, 4 baths, 2092 sq. ft.
$/Sq. Ft.: $179
Purchase price: $620,000
Purchase date: 10/2005
MLS#: R712119
On Redfin: 180 days
Down Payment: $37,500
Monthly Payment: $2,400
Income Requirement: $94,000
Description: Beautiful SFR Close to Downtown Long Beach, it is a 4 beds/3.5 Baths, formal dining room, family room, 1/2 bath downstairs, all bedrooms on the 2nd level, Master & 1 Bedroom have full bathrooms, floors downstairs Tile/Ceramic, Carpet wall to wall upstairs, 2 cars garage, this home was built on 2005, imagine to buy an almost new home with only few minutes to the beach & with the moderm features of today's homes. AS 04/24/2008 the bank is working on the BPO for this property to get the approval for the Short Sale.

"Minutes to the beach"?? Really? Last time I checked this stinky pink here was nearly TWO MILES from the ocean. They must mean "minutes from the beach when driving 60 mph down Atlantic."

By the way, is there anything worse than tile floors in a living room? Maybe it’s just me, but I want some warmth in my primary living area. Tile is cold, uninviting, and reminds me of a bathroom.

Speaking of bathrooms...POOP CHECK!

Phew, we're in the clear. But thanks for the turd's-eye view of the toilets.

Just looking at these pictures, there is nothing “moderm” about this place. The construction and materials look cheap and tragically outdated (just three years later!). I see stucco, cheap windows, crappy bathroom fixtures, and bargain bin kitchen cabinets.

And is this place inhabited by drunken teenagers? What a bunch of filthy slobs! Do you want to sell this place or not? Good luck convincing a buyer that you took great care of this place. They almost seem proud of being slovenly. How else do you explain the failure to provide decent photos despite 180 days on market?


And get a load of that sweet dirt backyard. Yeef.



The pricing history, seemingly comprised of just numbers, actually tells a multi-layered, emotional story of delusion, greed, wishful thinking, despair, and eventually capitulation.

Nov 03, 2007 - $650,000
Nov 25, 2007 - $590,000
Dec 14, 2007 - $550,000
Jan 26, 2008 - $465,777
Feb 28, 2008 - $440,000
Apr 04, 2008 - $400,000
Apr 29, 2008 - $375,000

The new asking price represents a nearly 50% discount from the original asking price in just five months. Moreover, if the seller actually gets their dreamland $375,000 asking price, the total loss after commissions will be an astounding -$245,000.

Yep, you had better believe it.

Almost a quarter of a million dollars in just two and a half years.

This is one of the largest (if not the largest) financial losses ever featured on this site. But hey, it's the bank's money, right?

Now, I would never actively encourage people to walk away from their contractual obligations, but what the hell is this seller waiting for? I don’t see any other solution. Even if the bank agrees to a short sale and eats the $245,000 loss, the seller's credit score is still going to suffer. Is it worth going through the hassle of a short sale just to save a few FICO points? Apparently so.

My advice is to post some decent pictures, drop the price until it's 10% below the other delusional neighbors, and if it sits for another few months just walk. We already know banks aren't too quick on the uptake when it comes to short sales, and don't forget that short sales require someone TO SELL TO. This home is DOOMED.

There's a saying that goes, "A wise man doesn't need advice, and a fool won't take it. "

Judging by the past decisions involved with purchasing, constructing, decorating and maintaining this pig's trough so far, what are the odds that this seller will act wisely?

Fun Fact from Wikipedia:

Did you know that in 2006, Derek Alderman, a cultural geographer at East Carolina University, reported that more than 730 American cities had named a street after King. 70% of these streets were in seven Southern states: Alabama, Florida, Georgia, Louisiana, Mississippi, North Carolina, and Texas. King's home state of Georgia had the most, with 105 streets. Only 11 states in the country did not have a street named after King.

The more you know!

Orange You Glad You Bought in '03?

Wow.

HOUSE WITH 3 BED 2 BATH, THE HOUSE HAS BEEN DIVIDED INTO TWO SEPARATE LIVING SPACES, 2/1 BATH AND 1/1 BATH (GOOD FOR HELP YOURSELF IN THE MORTGAGE PAYMENT) LONG DRIVEWAY WITH CARPORT. CLOOSE ELEMENTARY SCHOOL. YOU MUST TO SEE TO APRECIATED.

I think it's a little too "CLOOSE" to that elementary school because agents are apparently outsourcing their work to third-graders.

AND THANK YOU FOR YELLING. YOU HAVE MY ATTENTION. I AM READY TO BUY NOW.

First, do we even need to debate whether their little "TWO SEPARATE LIVING SPACES" construction project was permitted? There's about as much chance of that as gas prices dropping to 50 cents a gallon.

Second, you know a house is severely overpriced when the realtor herself concedes renting out the Bob-Vila-on-a-two-week-meth-bender 1 Bed/1 Bath "apartment" is your only conceivable shot at swinging the mortgage payment. But the realtor told me it's GOOD FOR HELP MYSELF so perhaps I shouldn't be too quick to judge.

There are so many things wrong with this listing (and the property itself) that frankly, I don't know where to begin. I mean, out of the 13 photos provided, three are repeats. And out of the 10 pictures remaining, we get this:

"Do you mind, ladies? We're trying to sell a house here."

I love how there are very few interior shots, but numerous photos of the innumerable parking configurations this gem has to offer:

But, when it comes to staging and photographing the inside of this house, no expense was spared:

Can't you just feel the cockroaches scrambling across your toes as you eat your Frosted Mini-Wheats on that busted-ass catcher's mitt of a sofa?

But enough poking fun, let's get down to brass tacks.

Address: 1080 Orange Ave., 90813

Asking Price: $359,900 (reduced from $391,500)
Year Built: 1920 (Really? The place doesn't look a day over 75)
Size: 3 beds, 2 baths (technically), 1504 sq. ft.
$/Sq. Ft.: $239
Purchase price: $275,000
Purchase date: 1/2003
MLS#: Y802842
On Redfin: 11 days

Almost $360,000 for this asthma shack. Can you even believe it? What does that work out to?

Down Payment: $35,990
Monthly Payment: $2,700
Income Requirement: $90,000 (local median income is around $25,000. You read that correctly, punchy)

That insane (and frankly, offensive) asking price represents nearly $65,000 in profit after commissions. Hell, they deserve it for having to live like derelicts for five years!

Now, you have to give them credit for buying before the bubble really took off. Must be a shrewd businessman, eh? (Well, except for the whole you-picked-the-worst-time-since-The-Great-Depression-to-sell-your-house thing).

Importantly, regardless of the attractive $239 per square foot price (wow, friends. It's getting ugly out there. A few more quarters of this and they'll be paying us to buy condos on the sand) the indisputable fact is that this home is in a terrible, awful, horrendous neighborhood. This 'hood is so bad it makes Fallujah look like Newport Coast.

Honestly, I'm surprised they didn't call this "Alamitos Beach" like so many other real estate fraudsters. They actually admitted this dump is in North Long Beach. And I know I haven't featured much in North LB (because in my mind, just like Rocky V, it doesn't exist), but trust me when I say that if you value your property and your safety you don't want to live there (unless of course, you're a gang member or drug dealer).

I'm sure someone will be quick to single out Bixby Knolls as an exception to the North Long Beach characterization. Yes, Bixby Knolls is extremely nice with amazing(ly overpriced) properties, but it's proximity to rampant crime and poverty makes it difficult to justify those prices. Frankly, I've never understood the allure of Bixby Knolls. Yes, some houses are beautiful and you can actually have a nice sized yard for your kids, but as far as the surrounding area goes it's like a gorgeous, desirable diamond placed gently upon a pile of camel shit.

Anyhow, this property will be lucky to sell for the 2002 value. As we all know, a vast majority of the properties actually selling in nice areas of Long Beach are at 2004 prices, and it'll be '03 in no time. So what hope does that provide to sellers in awful neighborhoods?

And despite the $30,000 price cut, at this asking price they'll have plenty of time to ponder how best to park all of those cars.