Excellent Conditions

Address: 2036 3rd. St #7, 90814
Asking Price: $150,000
Year Built: 1960
Size: 1 beds, 1 baths, 707 sq. ft.
$/Sq. Ft.: $212
HOA Fee: $104
Purchase price: $278,000
Purchase date: 4/2007
MLS#: Y901921
On Redfin: 30 days
Down Payment: $30,000
Monthly Payment: $900
Income Requirement: $43,000
Description: Cute condominium, excellent conditions, second floor. Nice living room with balcony. Short Sale.

"Excellent conditions"? You mean, like, for sailing?

Calling this a short sale is being generous. Assuming the bank approves this price (won’t happen), it will be "short" $128,000, less whatever meager down payment the renter coughed up (sorry, but we have to stop calling people who made interest-only payments to live in houses for a year or two “owners.” They rented money from banks and will walk with no equity, therefore they are renters). A one hundred and twenty eight thousand dollar loss on a 700-square-foot apartment? Cripes!

I don't know what this lady was thinking, but in April 2007, she convinced herself that a one-bedroom, one-bath condo in this neighborhood was worth $278,000. WTF were you thinking?

And before someone points to the baby stuff and chastises me for "attacking someone who was just trying to do what's best for her family"--wait, actually, go ahead and chastise me for that. Because that would be the dumbest thing ever written on the Internet--and that's saying a lot. "Doing what's best for her family" would be renting an affordable apartment and putting the $700 monthly savings into a college fund.

Shoehorning your way into a mortgage you can't possibly afford is the height of irresponsibility.

And speaking of that, to realistically afford this place, she would have had to pull in $79,428 per year.

Here’s a shocker: She didn’t.

The median household income in this zip is $54,170. But that’s household income, usually meaning two workers' combined incomes. A 700 square foot apartment can feasibly only house one adult, meaning she, by herself, needed to make $25,000 more than the average family to stay above water.

Worse yet, she needed to make 25k more than the median income to afford what is quite obviously an old, run down, sub-median property.

Predictably, the $1,700 monthly payment for what basically amounts to a boarding room quickly became unsustainable and now the property is on it's slow march back to the bank (paying $1,700 a month for this dilapidated hovel is like cashing in a $200 Mastro's gift certificate to eat dishwater soup out of a rusty tuna can).

The good news is, now she can do what she should have been doing all along which is rent a nice, affordable apartment in a decent neighborhood and save a healthy chunk of money each and every month.

Maybe she'll stop making payments and will be able to live rent-free for a while to save up even more for her and her family. Banks are so overwhelmed that I'd say she's got at least nine months of deadbeat living to look forward to.

But she needs to realize that short selling is a complete waste of time. It's not as if she'll get a smiley face on her credit score for short selling instead of foreclosing. Her credit will be ruined regardless and her down payment (if there was one) will vanish, and the $42,000 she spent in monthly payments (offset by minimal tax write-offs) is gone too. Those are just the facts and the sooner she accepts them, the better off she'll be.

Because even if the bank approved this short sale price of $150,000 (impossible) this incredibly unattractive property still has further to fall and smart buyers know it.

Remember this nearby seller? He’s also asking $150,000 in a short sale, but he’s been rotting on the MLS vine since September of 2007! That doesn’t bode well for our renter.

Further complicating this apartment's chances of finding a buyer is that it sort of resembles a Tijuana brothel:



And we haven’t even seen the bathroom yet! Don’t kid yourself; excluding bathroom photos is 100% intentional. I unconditionally guarantee it's a disaster.

Any buyer would have to be prepared to undertake a complete overhaul of this outdated mess. I mean, take a gander at the kitchen:


Wait, what the hell?



Um, lady, those don't look like salt shakers.

Love Letter from a Fan

In the comments section of A New Price Per Square Foot Record: UPDATE, I received a new dose of hate mail:

The photo...if that is you and this.....

You assume all risk for your own use of the information provided as the accuracy of the information is in no way guaranteed. As always, cross check information that you would deem useful against multiple, reliable, independent resources. The opinions, jokes, and sarcasm expressed on Long Beach Housing Blog are for entertainment purposes and should never be considered investment advice.

SAY IT ALL...

You are one of the most ignorant, misinformed imbeciles that I have had the displeasure of reading...try climbing out of of your dark hole, investigating and securting [SIC] the facts before you open that dark hole of a misinformed and ferstering [SIC] piehole of a mouth....Good Luck CAPTAIN REAL ESTATE!!!

Okay, I'll bite.

But I'll have you know I don't feel good about picking on individuals who seem so mentally unstable.

"The photo...if that is you"

Um, you mean this photo?

Of Randy Quaid?

Playing Cousin Eddie?

From National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation?

Are you serious?

And let me get this straight: You're criticizing me for having a disclaimer on my website that encourages readers to do their own research and be informed buyers when making the single largest purchase of their entire lives?

That's a bad thing?

What would you prefer? That I write:

I AM AN INVESTMENT GOD AND ALL INFORMATION ON THIS SITE IS GOSPEL AND SHOULD BE TREATED AS GOLDEN INVESTMENT ADVICE FOR EVERY POSSIBLE FINANCIAL SITUATION. I AM AN INFALLIBLE EXPERT AND YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO ME, AND ONLY ME, WHEN MAKING MAJOR FINANCIAL DECISIONS. IT IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR THE REAL ESTATE SITUATION TO CHANGE, SO EVERYTHING HERE SHOULD BE CONSIDERED COLD, HARD, IRREFUTABLE FACT.

Guess what? Realtors have been doing that for an eternity. How did that "infallible, expert wisdom" of realtors and mortgage slingers work out for buyers during the last few years?

Exactly.

Furthermore, everybody's situation is different, so why on earth would I proclaim to give blanket financial advice? I'm not a financial planner, I'm not a stock broker, I'm not a real estate guru, I'm not a commercial real estate broker...are you saying I should claim to be?

You don't seem very sophisticated, but I'll ask anyway: Have you ever read the fine print of supposed "financial experts"? Here's some fine print from TDAmeritrade:

As your agreement for the receipt and use of market data provides, the securities markets (1) reserve all rights to the market data that they make available; (2) do not guarantee that data; and (3) shall not be liable for any loss due either to their negligence or to any cause beyond their reasonable control.

Well, what do you know? They don't guarantee their information either!

You're obviously in denial about housing, so why don't we see what your perma-bull allies at the California Association of Realtors, who you think are more "informed" than me, have to say:

C.A.R. takes reasonable steps to maintain the accuracy and update the Content on the Site. However, C.A.R. does not make any representations or warranties regarding the accuracy of the Content, nor does C.A.R. make any commitment to update the Content. C.A.R. reserves the right in its sole discretion to add, remove or otherwise modify the Content and the Site at any time without notice.

10. DISCLAIMER. THE CONTENT ON THE C.A.R. SITE IS PROVIDED "AS IS" AND TO THE MAXIMUM EXTENT PERMITTEDBY APPLICABLE LAW, C.A.R. DISCLAIMS ALL WARRANTIES EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO, IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY, TITLE, NONINFRINGEMENT OF INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY, SECURITY AND FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE. C.A.R. DOES NOT WARRANT OR GUARANTEE THE ACCURACY, AVAILABILITY, RELIABILITY, ACCESS TO OR UNINTERRUPTED AND ERROR FREE OPERATION OF THE SITE OR THE CONTENT.

11. LIMITATION OF LIABILITY. TO THE MAXIMUM EXTENT PERMITTED BY APPLICABLE LAW, IN NO EVENT SHALL C.A.R. BE LIABLE FOR ANY DAMAGES, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO, ANY DIRECT,SPECIAL, CONSEQUENTIAL, INCIDENTAL OR PUNITIVE DAMAGES, LOSS OF PROFITS, DATA OR PROGRAMS ARISING FROM THE USE, INABILITY TO USE, OR RELIANCE ON THIS SITE OR FROM ANY INFORMATION OR CONTENT DISPLAYED, UPLOADED TO OR DOWNLOADED FROM THIS SITE.

Hey, be sure to CC me when you send them a quasi-literate tirade criticizing them for not guaranteeing the information on their website and not being liable for bad financial decisions.

Quit acting like such a fucking idiot, Anonymous.

And if I'm "one of the most ignorant, misinformed imbeciles that I have had the displeasure of reading" THEN WHY DO YOU READ THIS BLOG EVERY SINGLE DAY? I'll never understand that one.

Furthermore, if I'm so misinformed, then please set me straight oh wise one. Seriously, I will publish anything from you that can refute my calculations or show how rip offs are actually a good deal.

I'm waiting.

In the meantime, let's get back to your love letter:

...try climbing out of of your dark hole

Junior, my life is so good I'm jealous of myself. My future is as bright as 100 suns and my hope is that one day once your foreclosure-related credit score has recovered and you learn to spell, you'll be able to enjoy a similar life path.

investigating and securting [SIC] the facts before you open that dark hole of a misinformed and ferstering [SIC] piehole of a mouth

Mmmm...pie...

So you're saying my facts aren't properly investigated or "securted?" I don't get paid to write this blog--I spend countless hours securting the facts because it benefits my readers and my own education about the real estate market. Why would I spend all that time and energy researching and writing this blog only to publish inaccurate and unsecurted information? If readers felt as if the facts, figures or charts were inaccurate (or not available to check against other sources), then they might feel insecurt about coming here.

I'm still waiting for your counterargument showing how your facts are more securted than mine, or how 1724 Bluff won't continue to go down in price. But you won't send those facts because you don't have them. You, like the other deniers-of-reality (realty?), have absolutely nothing productive or interesting to offer. Just broad, baseless personal attacks and nothing worthy of debate or discussion.

So, I look forward to your continued readership and I wish you a speedy financial recovery.

....Good Luck CAPTAIN REAL ESTATE!!!

Actually, I like this nickname. Mind if I use it?

Days on Market: An Eternity: UPDATE

Sometimes I think the number of realtors who read this blog is larger than expected:



May 14, 2009 - Price Changed $269,500
"JUST REDUCED ANOTHER $20,000 to $269,500!"

Sadly, it's too little, too late. There needed to be a "1" in front of that $20,000 price reduction for this thing to have a reasonable shot at selling.

Days on Market: An Eternity

Address: 1629 Cherry Ave #308, 90813
Asking Price: $289,500
Year Built: 1988
Size: 2 beds, 2 baths, 849 sq. ft.
$/Sq. Ft.: $341
HOA fee: $213
Purchase price: $195,000
Purchase date: 5/2004
MLS#: P561937
On Redfin: 812 days
Down Payment: $60,000
Monthly Payment: $1,700
Income Requirement: $82,000
Description: JUST REDUCED $10,000 to $289,500 AGAIN! Top Floor Penthouse-Unique & Custom Designed w/Gorgeous City,Sunset & Partial Ocean Views! No Common Walls & Too Many Upgrades to Mention-Must See! Vaulted Ceiling in LR w/Bamboo Flooring, Crown Molding, Plantation Shutters, Recessed Lighting & French Doors to Slate Tiled Patio. Custom Kitchen w/Granite Counters, Travertine Floor, New Maple Cabinets & New Appliances. Master Suite, Laundry Area w/Washer & Dryer(Included), Central Air Conditioning/Forced Air Heat & Ceiling Fan. Gated Complex w/2 Parking Spaces.

"Gated Complex w/2 Parking Spaces." In this 'hood, you're going to need 'em.

This property currently holds the Long Beach record for Days on Market, sitting atop the heap at 812.

EIGHT HUNDRED AND TWELVE DAYS!

Buddy, you've been trying to sell this joint since 2007! It's time to give it up, man!

Doesn't this dolt have friends or loved ones? Someone needs to step in and level with him about this idiotic, counterproductive, stubborn pricing "strategy." I don't normally expect much from realtors, but I would imagine it's in the commission-hungry listing agent's best interests to actually sell the thing. A small commission is better than no comission, right?


That's an impressive collection of books...but judging by the pricing strategy, I have a feeling none of them touch on basic economics.

Witness this perfect encapsulation of the greed prevalent during The Great Housing Bubble and the bull-headed market-chasing during its inevitable, rib-crushing implosion:

Sep 15, 1988 - Sold $103,000
May 24, 2004 - Sold $195,000
Feb 22, 2007 - Listed $334,500
May 04, 2007 - Price Changed $324,500
May 08, 2007 - Price Increased $329,500
Aug 10, 2007 - Price Changed $319,500
Jan 03, 2008 - Price Changed $309,000
Apr 23, 2008 - Price Changed $299,500
Mar 01, 2009 - Price Changed $289,500


He was smart to put it on the market in early 2007, just as the foundation under the house of cards was starting to quiver. This seller, either by dumb luck or prescience, decided to get out while the gettin' was good.

However, the problem, as with most Long Beach sellers, was avarice. The orginal asking price was $334,500, which would have netted the seller $119,500 in pure profit for three years of ownership.

That's $39,833 per year! One helluva hard workin' house!

And with only two puny price reductions in 2008 (and almost a full year passing between the last '08 cut and the most recent reduction), this guy is clearly uninterested in selling unless it means walking with at least $100k in profits. What a greedy little turd. And now he's going to pay the price for his foolishness and head-in-the sand sense of entitlement.


I have no doubt this thing will fall below its 2004 price of $195,000--regardless of the upgrades.

First, in this zip code, the current prices per square foot of sold homes is $166--less than HALF what this seller is currently asking. If this tiny apartment was priced according to that ppsft. benchmark, today's value would be a paltry $142,000.

Second, only one nearby property for sale is asking more than $200,000--and even that idiot is undercutting our wishful thinker here by $60,000! Must be awfully lonely at the top.

$180,000 2309 E 17th St #303
0.22 miles2 bd / 2 ba 992 Sq. Ft.

$230,000 2332 E 17th St #102
0.24 miles 2 bd / 2 ba 800 Sq. Ft. (258 Days on Market)

$109,000 2343 E 17th St #211
0.25 miles 2 bd / 2 ba 822 Sq. Ft.

$145,000 2343 E 17th St #304
0.25 miles 2 bd / 2 ba 921 Sq. Ft.

$140,000 2507 E 15TH St #315
0.37 miles 2 bd / 2 ba 877 Sq. Ft.

$99,900 2507 E 15th St #213
0.37 miles 2 bd / 2 ba 842 Sq. Ft.

$124,900 2507 E 15th St #112
0.37 miles 2 bd / 2 ba 842 Sq. Ft.

$99,000 2507 E 15th St #219
0.37 miles 2 bd / 2 ba 842 Sq. Ft.


Third, the current asking price represents ELEVEN TIMES THE LOCAL MEDIAN INCOME.

Read that one again.

Is it any wonder why this thing has been rotting on the MLS for so long with no interest? Not only is it incredibly overpriced, it appears we're dealing with someone with cognitive difficulties. All of which is compounded by delusions of grandeur and My-Apartment-is-Special-itis.

Translation: THIS SELLER IS ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY FUCKED UNLESS HE GETS SERIOUS SOON.


This looks like a cute, tidy little abode, but the price needs to be cut in half if the seller wants to compete and actually sell. It's obvious this delusual Long Beach FB (Fucked Buyer) still believes he will get out this with a profit but, at this rate anyway, it's simply not going to happen.

We'll see you in another 812 days, pal.

A New Price Per Square Foot Record: UPDATE

I have some updates on two incredibly overpriced properties featured in one of the very first Long Beach Housing Blog posts.

In January 2008, 1724 Bluff Pl in Alamitos Beach was asking a jaw-dropping $4,500,000. Mind you, the place was only half-built at the time.

What a dickhead.

Now, an excruciating 17 months later, the price has been reduced by $2,500,000. Just like that.

TWO AND A HALF MILLION!

Doesn't that just piss you off? This seller was so greedy, so arrogant, and had such disdain for his potential buyers that last year he insisted this not-even-completed monstrosity was "worth" $4.5 mil--only we find out he never really believed that, as evidenced by his decision to cut the price by more than half without even flinching.

This asshole was ACTIVELY trying to rip people off to the tune of $2.5 million. He knew it wasn't worth the '08 ask, but he treated every potential buyer like they were some rube too imbecellic to figure out the scam.

And guess what? This seller isn't alone. A vast majority of greedfaced Long Beach sellers and their equally delusional, dollar-signs-in-the-eyes realtors, slinging everything from shithole studio apartments to multi-million dollar waterfront palaces, are pulling the same shit on you. They think YOU are the sucker. That YOU just fell off the turnip truck. That YOU are too stupid to know any better.

It just makes me sick what these people are trying to pull.


I'll say this one more time for those of you feeling the pressure to buy because of so-called "once-in-a-lifetime opportunities" or "record-low interest rates" or the fear of "being priced-out forever":

DON'T BE A CHUMP. RELAX. WE ARE NOWHERE NEAR A BOTTOM. MOST OF THE PRICES YOU SEE TODAY MAY SEEM LIKE DECENT DEALS COMPARED TO PEAK PRICES, BUT A YEAR FROM NOW THESE SAME PROPERTIES WILL BE SMOKING DEALS. IF YOU ABSOLUTELY MUST BUY, DO YOUR HOMEWORK AND PROTECT YOUR FAMILY'S FUTURE BY PURCHASING ONLY WHEN FUNDAMENTALS ARE MET (OR EXCEEDED, CONSIDERING THE DEPRESSING EFFECT RISING INTEREST RATES WILL HAVE ON PRICES, AND ANTICIPATING FURTHER DROPS IN RENT AS UNEMPLOYMENT CLIMBS).

Now, I'm no real estate investment expert, but in my estimation the last thing you need is a self-professed "expert." Remember, in July 2008, Lawrence Yun, the chief economist for the National Association of Realtors said, "I think we are very near to the end of the housing downturn."

How did Mr. Yun do on his "expert" prediction? I don't know, why not ask this jackhole seller on Bluff, who just cut $2.5 million bones without batting an eye? That sound like the end of the housing downturn to you?

In other words, THE SO-CALLED "EXPERTS" ARE LYING TO YOU BECAUSE THEY GET PAID TO LIE TO YOU.

Imagine if last year you had listened to a "real estate expert" like, say, the listing agent for this property, and bought because "it's always a great time to buy" and "beachfront properties are different." You, my friend, would be nostril deep in doodoo. Specifically, you'd be underwater by two-point-five million fucking dollars.

And here is another property from that 2008 post still languishing on the MLS:

6700 East Bay Shore Walk


Hey, check it out! This house comes with a free vagrant loitering on the sand! Hi!



The last time we checked in on this loon, he was asking $4,490,000. After a year and a half with no action, on 4/20/09, the price was reduced by $690,000. POOF! "Equity" and "worth" and "value" disappeared like a ladybug fart in a Boeing wind tunnel. But I thought the peninsula was immune?

Wrong, asshole. Enjoy another 544 days on the market.

If sellers can nonchalantly tear off huge chunks of "equity" like these two knuckleheads, what does that tell you? That the garbage for sale right now is woefully over priced and will continue to be until basic fundamentals are met.

The bottom--especially for upper-tiered properties--is nowhere in sight.

And in case you're not absolutely disgusted by the government's attempts to ensure housing is unaffordable for responsible families, you will be now:

SUBPRIME LENDING IS BACK